Unable to understand cousin SIL's motive

anushka9 · Nov 20, 2014

Hi ladies,

I am in little confused situation .My cousin SIL calls me frequently and bitch about my MIL & BIL with me ..My MIL is youngest DIL in her in-laws family and this cousin SIL of mine is daughter of Elder Co-sis of my MIL.She says things like that my MIL dont want us to have baby she wants me to work and earn money ..I know this because MIL indirectly has said the same no. of times to me because of her stupid insecurities that if her son will have his own family then he will not give her that importance as he gives now.My SIL bad mouthed about my BIL to me like he has changed & when he will get married his wife wont respect me for sure & its I am very soft hearted so does my DH and my BIL is quite cunning & he will not respect me or my DH .I know whatever she is saying is word to word true because both my MIL & BIL including FIL have never given respect to me & my parents.but I am not getting that whats the reason about Cousin SIL discussing such things with me like that ? Does she want a fight in the family by extracting things out of me or she really wants to get close to me & give me comfort level to share problems with her ?In my opinion I think former is the reason .And one more thing she always discusses openly about husband wife relations with me about getting physical but in really cheap manner (like if she calls me and i talk in low pitch she is like " ohh kuch kar rahe they kya ? mazze ho rahe hain..karo karo garmi aa jayegi ..full moon night pe karoge to baby boy amvasya ki raat mein karoge to baby girl "What the heck is that !! Cant bear such nonsense And this is the only thing i can mention in the forum ..other talks are beyond levels of cheapness so cant discuss here.

I am really fed up from these people .All of them either bitch about me with each other or will bitch about others with me .My parental family is quite well educated and modern in thoughts so I have not seen such gossiping & bitching of other relatives in my family .Its quite disturbing !!

Afterunion · Nov 20, 2014

Be careful OP, this might lead to a family fight. She's not even a part of your family. (Remember that you, your husband, your kids, your parents and your in-laws are a part of your family. Everyone else is a relative)
Remember the quote, "people who gossip with you, will gossip about you behind your back".
Cut off all these non-sense talks. Dont take her calls. Leave her an sms saying that you are busy. If she speaks about your personal stuff, tell her politely that you are not interested in speaking about personal stuff to anyone.
Or block her number and tell her that there's something wrong with your phone.
Maybe she's jealous of your family. Or perhaps she is trying to use you as a bait to have family fights.

indubalram · Nov 20, 2014

Do not pick her calls. Just avoid her. My 2 cents!

sweetestshweta · Nov 21, 2014

Stay away from her OP.She just wants to fill your mind with all kinds of rubbish and create rift in your family..Sto listening to her crap.Next time don't pick her calls a few times then tell her you are busy and hang up.Avoid meeting her in private or talking to her.Talk to her in presence of your DH or other family member and then pass on the phone to him/her saying your brother wants to talk.She'll get the hint that you are really close to your DH and his family and will stop her cheap acts.
Never ever fall in the trap and criticise your MIL or other family members of DH in front of her.This will eventually bite you..
She is your cousin SIL.My real SIL did this with me.Just after our wedding,she tried to be so pally with me.Naive that I was,I never knew what she had in her mind.She used to criticise my elder cosis and you know tried to create sympathetic view for her.I never criticised anyone because genuinely I didn't have problem with anyone.Then she used to discuss really private matters and ask personal details.DH and I dated for a while before marriage.She used to ask-"so when did you do it for the first time" type questions!!This was so atrocious.
I never gave her any details but a couple of times,on her enquiry,I told her about the flings/crushes me and DH had on a couple of our classmates in college.
I was quite open about them with even my family and they were just the innocent affairs.Even my parents knew about them.Same was the case with DH.We knew about these things before we started dating..
This lady went to MIL and BIL and spoke all that.I don't know what pent up feelings she had,but she used that info to ask why she wasn't allowed to do such stuff and go for love marriage when her brother was allowed!!
It created a big thing and left me red faced infront of DH who thought it was weird for me to discuss it with her..
Then many times,she just moulded whatever I said to create rift between me and DH,me and BIL,me and MIL,me and cosis.A thing as simple as-"the bathroom is not clean" or "this stuff is quite costly" or "co sis is sleeping" was mispresented as-
I complained that co sis never keeps her house clean,
She indulges so much and buys such expensive thinsgs,
co sis is so lazy,she always is sleeping etc etc..
It baffled me.But it made me extra cautious.I try to always talk to her when DH is around and I don't say anything extra than required..
Be cautious

anushka9 · Nov 21, 2014

Thanks ladies for solving this problem ..I got the soultion now and will act accordingly

@Sweetest Shweta
Sorry to hear about this thing but its disgusting on part of ur SIL.such people talk nonsense about others with us and whatever we say they present them in a moulded form with lots of add on spices in it.
Even I didnt discuss anything bad bout my IL's with her but she is quite cunning so I am little scared if she will also do the same as ur SIL did with u .Our intentions are not negative & we talk in normal ways for In-laws but such people manipulate those talks and.I am living seperately right now with DH because of his job .So when he goes to office she calls me after that as I am at home right now & searching for job.She never calls me when DH is around .This thing created doubts in my mind so I discussed it here because something seemed fishy to me..

anyways thanks ladies I will be careful in future ..

Iamagoodgirl · Nov 25, 2014

OP dont open up to this women.

Vanilasky · Nov 25, 2014

Only God can save from these type of women. My DH relatives live in neighbourhood itself. DH cousins wives r so cunning and selfish ladies. Everyday at 5 pm all ladies will sit in the courtyard of any of the houses and start gossiping . They won't leave any person leaving from there. Even though I didn't attend these gossiping sessions I had mingled with them freely thinking them as my sisters but what they did to me was unforgettable. My DH was working outside india and as I was pregnant I went to my moms house . My DH too agreed for it. But these cunning cousins wives started filling my MILs ears. My MIL was already not impressed with my decision to stay with my mom. She started to create rift in my married life doing emotional drama. What I can never forget till date is that selfish ladies never called me to knew my well being but when I was 6 months preg they called me and just asked when I vl b cmng bk to my inlaws house. I replied 3 months after delivery. They hang up without even asking hw am I doing and with their MIL they came to my MIL and created a huge drama . My MIL was not well at that time and there was home nurse for looking after her but still they insisted my MIL to call me bk to do the house chores and not to send me bk till 9 th month. But I refused and my DH fell in his moms tears and made my life hell. But I was adamant and stayed till my baby was 3 mnths old. due to these ladies I was not happy even for a single day during my preg period. Their only prob was I never sat with them for gossiping which I hate. They were jealous that my DH has given me so much freedom for everything which they didn't got. I ignored all of them from that time. With two ladies who called me and created so much drama I had avoided all relationships with them not even casual talks . These type of ladies will do any thing to create havoc in others life . Better you stay far away from them OP.

nb25 · Nov 26, 2014

Let DH know that she is trashing him and his parents. One day, tell this lady that DH has started going to office early. Pretend as if you have only limited time, before you go out to do chores. Have her call you when DH is around. Put the phone on speaker and let him hear for himself.

She might create trouble for you even without you saying any thing negative. It is good if your husband knows about this, and supports you if she creates some trouble for you.