Unable To Release Guilt After 5 Years

@ChennaiExpress
You never knew what would have happened if you had chosen that old man's son instead of your Ex. There is no guarantee that he would have kept you happy. You are carrying this guilt for too long time. Yes your dad might have got a good friend. But he light not be a good friend after you have rejected his son.

You can think of various ways in which you could have avoided your ex and saved yourself from bad marriage. But you have to accept that this happened in your life no matter whether you would have been gentle to that old man.

Chennai express only when you think that you will be able to handle anything life throws at you, you feel confident. Work on yourself and everything will happen at the right time.

 

Yes, it was wrong on your part to be harsh with an old man. Period.
No matter what motive behind his frequent calls, you must have behaved with manners.

Nevertheless, it was an old story. It has happened for a reason. You realized your mistake, and felt apologetic too.
You've learned from it, and I am sure you will not behave the same again.

You are not a saint. But you are just a human. It is very natural to make mistakes, and play emotional. We all do such mistakes and repent later.
This repenting part makes us a better human being. So, leave your guilt aside and be practical.

Coming to the center of your problem.....

Your failed in your first marriage. And you successfully came out of it.
Many women are still stuck in their failed marriage, and regret about it always.
So, feel better about your luck.

I have at least 5 close buddies, who had a failed marriage in the past. But these ladies were able to bounce back, and live independently after their divorce.
They looked happy, successful and more matured with experience.
They did not go through the traditional way to find their second life/marriage, but chose their partners carefully.
This time they were not mentally prepared to face another gambling called arranged marriage. So, they tried live-in relationship/deep-long courtship to understand their grooms better.
They went against all the odds and social/traditional norms to find their happiness.
Finally, they were able to find their soul mates. They are very happy now.

You seemed to lack self esteem. It is better to get some professional help to boost your esteem.
Also, you lack a support system. Looks like your parents are your biggest enemies here.
If so, get out of your home and live independently.
Find your happiness in whatever the ways you love.

I am sure you will find your soul mate soon.

 

Though she was born and brought up in US, somewhere inside, OP is deeply attached to her Indian roots. She is feeling guilty even for trivial matters happened in the past. She was disappointed for loosing her innocence through this failed marriage. She is not yet recovered from it even after five years. The whole incident was a big shock to her. So in my opinion, she shouldn't try the ' trial run' methods that your friends followed. That is not the cup of tea for her. Let her prince find this gem. For that she should try to be more visible in her friends circles and family events.