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unable to forget INSANE of In-laws. still i am cooking for them. bitterness some time

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Reesha, Mar 3, 2015.

  1. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    it's almost 2 years completed from the day i got abused emotionally by In-laws & co-sister, BIL in absence of DH. but still....some times i am getting back into tears when i get thoughts of those scenes & torture i faced because of these worst people.

    during 2nd month of pregnancy , i am very very hungry due to baby demands. due to these people i kept my baby of womb in hungry mode with teared eyes. just because of co-sis over action. she want to cook fresh food for me but dont care even though it takes 2 hours late. she doesn't allow me to eat previous day food & there is no availability of other fruits /snacks in that home. MIL had argument with her & shown irritation on me just because i asked for food.(i woke up by 6 a.m due to hungry.i observed that there is no food available there & co-sis not yet wakes up even by 8 AM. so MIL try to give previous night rice. when i am trying to heat that food, co-sis came & had argue with MIL that how she can serve old food to me. she is blabbering that i will tell to all relatives that they served old food.)

    discussion goes on.....MIL is crying.....co-sis & BIL pointing out me with silly reasons .i want to get out from house. came out & had food by 10Am in one restaurant. then MIL & BIL family blamed me to disrespect them & forced my DH to pressurize me to say sorry to co-sis. i downed my head by that time for their emotional blackmailing.... that leads to emotional stress in me & restaurant food leads to food poison then to fever which turns me as serious patient. joined in ICU with heavy fever. platelets count downed to very low so that DH running out on city roads for blood.

    Doctors also feared to give antibiotics to my body because it may cause to death of baby. but if they dont give, it may cause to death of mother. Doctors said to my father that "there may be chance to loss baby or baby with abnormalities. be ready for any situation & pray god". they are trying to treat with mild antibiotics every hour which makes my veins to vary pain. because it is my first admission in hospital from my birth onward... i didn't bare that pain for every hour & crying alot...that ICU environment made me fear more because others are suffering with serious problems like leg losing & mental disorder so on.... really i experienced a HELL in that ICU. who is the reason for this situation?

    No peace of mind during journey of my pregnancy. lot of arguments with DH because he is not questioning them & trying to avoid that topic. so due to mental tension i had premature baby with low weight in C-section. just after 30 min spending with baby & first feed to him, baby went to incubator for 5 days. due to C-section i couldn't move. but incubator is in other hospital which is 15 min walk from my hospital. for every 1.5 hours i need to squeeze my breast a lot for breast milk. it is very pain full. There is no breast pump availability in that small town. i dont know how baby was...No warm hug..No mother touch to him. he got mild infection in lungs & doctor supplying antibiotics to baby. I saw my baby after 5days of his birth. :(. his two hands are swelled a lot because of continuous injection in veins. there are diaper red rashes on his skin due to nurse negligence. it makes me cry a lot...how bad mother i am... who is reason for this tension?

    baby pediatrician said, due to premature birth his development milestones will be may delay by 2-4 months. so dont compare with other babies....it again adds bitterness in my heart.... what ever situations occurs in my life...the root cause is seems to be my In-laws. still i didn't question them. my DH didn't get any answer from them even though he asked. still i am cooking for them daily....i am caring there small needs. bitterness is raising in my throat with teared eyes some times.

    i dont know where to yell my feelings. so i am writing hear.
     
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  2. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: unable to forget INSANE of In-laws. still i am cooking for them. bitterness some

    You have been going through tough times but do not understand why you blame your inlaws. Why could you not cook/buy food to yourself during your pregnancy? Very unfortunate that you got food poisoning but that was not either the in-laws fault. The premature birth is not due to the inlaws but your body for a reason or another (menthal stress is not an explanation) made that happen. Your child will be fine even if the development milestones are delayed.

    This bitterness you are having is not good for you. Try to let it go, forgive and focus on the positive things.
     
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  3. pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Re: unable to forget INSANE of In-laws. still i am cooking for them. bitterness some

    Dear op,

    You were mad that due to your early morning hunger you were blamed unfairly for the argument bet MIL-COsis-BIL.

    You had unsafe hotel food ,got infected and ,,,,,,,,,,,,admitted ,,,,,,,,fight with dh,,,,,,,,,,premature baby,,,,,,,,,,,,,,feeding crisis............doctor advise,,,,,,,,
    -----Now you think its easy to blame the whole stuff on the inlaws and stressing yourself to the extent of bitterness.Its not fair on your inlaws ,change your attitude for a stressfree life.Imagine if you just had bread or used your better judgement in selecting the right eating place or a the freshly made stuff.All through the pregnancy i was never allowed to eat outside food with coconut usage.So for your own good pray to god to get rid of your bitterness.Forgiving others sometimes is good for you.
    Doctors generally advise you about premature kids as they do not want you to panic with more expectation.In our family we have 2 premature babies both caught up with other kids within few months. After that there was no diff bet the normal & premature kids.Enjoy your motherhood with a peaceful spirit.
     
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  4. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    Re: unable to forget INSANE of In-laws. still i am cooking for them. bitterness some

    yes having outside food is my wrong. but what i have to do? they are arguing themselves with out thinking of my food during my stay in their home. my DH left me with BIL family because PIl are there & i am pregnant before he leave to 3 days camp.

    i am venting out that who is root cause hear either Me or (PIL & Co-sis) to doesn't have home food for me during that time.
     
  5. EverydayBloom

    EverydayBloom Gold IL'ite

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    Re: unable to forget INSANE of In-laws. still i am cooking for them. bitterness some

    OP,

    Its time for you to move on, how long you can keep digging the past happenings. At the time of pregnancy you and your DH should have planned for alternative arrangement when he is away from you like your parents come to stay at your place or you going to their place. And your expectation of pampering from your DH's side is way too much, they are not your own people, how can they care for you...

    There is no point in blaming others for whatever was/is happening to you, your DH should have planned well for your comfortable living. You are carrying lot of baggage and serving the other human beings will not bring you any good from God..if you cannt do anything for your PIL's send them to your BIL's home or plan a piligrimage for your PIL's for a month or so. Its time for you to divert your attention from others to your own life with your kid and DH. Focus your energy on something good and stay peaceful.

    Good luck
     
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  6. docathome

    docathome Gold IL'ite

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    Re: unable to forget INSANE of In-laws. still i am cooking for them. bitterness some

    Forgive n move on..obviously you r hurt n upset but by repeating these issues in ur mind will only make you more bitter. Though what you have mentioned seems a bit biased unfairly against your in laws, rather than wallowing in the past it would be better for you to move on n enjoy motherhood. Be more careful with ur in laws so that you don't get hurt again but let bygones be bygones..
     
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  7. butterflyice

    butterflyice Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: unable to forget INSANE of In-laws. still i am cooking for them. bitterness some

    OP, so sorry about the course of events. I feel sorrier for your current state of mind. As someone who went through most of what you have described, I understand what you are saying.

    Trust me, it will not do you any good to hold the bitterness. Look at it this way. What has happened has happened. You cannot change anything. By clinging to the past and holding bitterness toward your in-laws, you are creating a bad
    environment for yourself and the baby. If you are not happy, it will affect the baby.

    Please let go of those bitter feelings. I know of many people who have had premature babies. Their in-laws had nothing to do with it. If something has to happen in our life, good or bad, it will happen no matter what. So let the past be. For your information the premature babies that I know of are all doing great. Some kids will reach developmental milestones faster some slower. It's not a huge deal.

    Focus on your baby and spend maximum time with the baby. When you feel rancour, finish your chores and take the baby out and go for a walk or enrol in some class to divert your mind. Dont expect your husband to do these things for you, the male mind does not understand these things. YOu have to take care of yourself for the sake of your baby.
     
  8. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: unable to forget INSANE of In-laws. still i am cooking for them. bitterness some

    Maybe I am missing something but why did you not cook for yourself? And usually it is very rare to get a food poisoning.
     
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  9. beanstalk

    beanstalk Gold IL'ite

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    Re: unable to forget INSANE of In-laws. still i am cooking for them. bitterness some

    I think you are overreacting. I understand that you are a new mom and might be feeling overwhelmed or hormonal, but rather than emotionally bringing yourself down because of these negative thoughts, think of positive things, like your baby, spending time with him/her etc.

    You were pregnant, you are the first person responsible for taking care of yourself, no matter where/whose home you are at. You did not get food, you ate out and got food poisoning, unfortunate and bad luck. That's it. its not your inlaws fault. If you wanted to avoid outside food, you would have cooked at home, or ate stale food, or ate whatever you found, bread, biscuit, fruits, vegetables, no matter what they said and whose home were you at. Anyways, the hospital experience was bad, indeed, but again not inlaws fault. premature baby again, not inlaws fault, keeping the baby in incubator etc is to help the premmie. Do not blame inlaws for all that.

    Look forward to all the positive experience you got to enjoy and will enjoy in future with your baby. Don't worry it happens with new moms, they are overwhelmed, tired and hormonal. These negative thoughts might subside with time.
     
  10. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: unable to forget INSANE of In-laws. still i am cooking for them. bitterness some

    Sorry for whatever you went through. But why didnt you get food from outside store it with and eat when hungry. Wjy wait for them to cook. Ask your husband to pay for all that. Why go through this torture.
     

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