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unable to bear torture given by my mother

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by ivlakshmi, Apr 30, 2012.

  1. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,
    My mom is too clever.. She some how or the other tries to blame me or have fight with me.. recently she got little bit of disc problem..doctor adviced her not to carry any weights or sit down ..after a week she started doing all those things.. Till now we never have maid..me and my dad kept maid..now she is telling us tht she will remove her after a month.. My grand parents came to my house and infront of them she keeps conversation..I had a big fight with her.. Now already people think that i am bad because i am divorced. My mother is trying to prove the same to every one. She is stubborn and never listens to any one. I just hate her and feel like slapping her/ just kill myself. Her parents keep coming and stay near by our house (her bros house).. They keep ordering things and my mother follows them. Though she is not well.. Doctor adviced not to go for long distance travel and now this lady wants to drop her parents in their home town. I am really frustrated.. I explained her that there is no one to take care if she become ill.. she replies back saying " I don't need any one to look after me". My father does not earn more and it is tough for him to take medical expenses if something goes wrong. I am there to keep her in hospital but for how long can i do it?
    She enjoys so much by seeing me suffering. I feel like moving out and stay in PG ..will it be fine? I feel it is unhealthy for me to continue for long in parents house.. I unable to change company due to other reasons. Please suggest me.
     
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  2. freddycat

    freddycat Platinum IL'ite

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    Join the club. Your mom sounds like mine! By suffering herself, try to get more attention. In my parents house, we all said, she is getting old, can't take care of the house/cooking and all. If she gets sick, there is no to take care of her. It will be a big mess for my sisters & her families. Oh, no, she doesn't listen and no maid stays longer with her. She is burdening everyone with her long list of never ending complaints and driving us nuts. Among ourselves (3-sisters), 'mum' is the word and staying out of her way. That's the best, we can do under the circumstances.

    You need a break. It's time to think about your own sanity and peace of mind. If there is an alternate, seriously consider, staying away for awhile and may be visiting her frequently.
     
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  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Moving out to a PG or a working women's hostel or finding a small flat for yourself would be the best option.
     
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  4. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear IVL,
    Time you moved out.Your Mom is depressed because of your divorce and is indirectly blaming you. Your father, grandparents can take care of her and you can contribute ,but move out.
     
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  5. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    Though moving out and staying alone is the best idea but if you move out right at this time when she has a medical problem,people will try to find faults in your personality and blame you all the more for your divorce.
    It is quite natural in the Indian society that a divorced lady is looked down upon and is assumed to be uncompromising and not adjusting by nature.
    But what really matters is your perspective towards yourself.
    Try to find peace living in the same set up.Ignore her rants and do the duties like a good daughter.
    Do not expect any positive behavior in return.
    And do not think much about this situation.
    Think about how to put your life back on track.
    Keep a positive frame of mind.Will help.
     
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  6. Ganthimathi

    Ganthimathi Gold IL'ite

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    Freddycat, I to will join your club. Our mom stays near my younger sister and making her and her children's life a hell :-(

    So I am spared a little.
     
  7. MyCreativity

    MyCreativity Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Lakshmi,

    Sorry to hear all that.
    The problem looks to me a little more deeper...then it seems.
    Do you mind me asking how long you have been married and under what circumstances you took divorce ?
    Sorry, but need to understand this before I give my opinion...

    Cheers.
     
  8. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    OP:
    Your mom sounds like another narcissistic mother. They don't change. Save yourself. My advice would be to job hunt a job in a larger metro where your divorced status is not a problem, earn a little more and send it home for her care if that solves the situation you are in. Women throughout time have rewritten their lives by moving and being obscure about facts that they cannot change but might be perceived negatively.
     
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  9. manguji

    manguji Gold IL'ite

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    Give yourself permission to immediately walk away from anything that gives you bad vibes. There is no need to explain or make sense of it. Just trust what you feel.going in pg is a good option.
    Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. (NO negative thoughts of slapping her,or killing your self)
     
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  10. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanku all.
    Manjari - My dad is wanting to shift the house little bit closer to office. I am trying job else where.. I dont see any point in living this life..I lost everything.. From childhood my life with parents was not so good, i thought atleast after marriage I might be happy but I do not have any thing.divorce happened.. Now, I am only praying to die.. I am frustrated with the kind of matches I get. Hope I close eyes permanently. Thank you.
     
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