typicals ILs, atypical hubby

Hey Friends,

It's been a while since I've been needing some serious help. For a while, ILs have been out of the picture. Throughout my pregnancy and my child's first 8 months. DH decided to stop having relations with them since they cause a lot of drama and stress.

Now ILs are sneaking back into our lives. Starting to make drama phone calls, talking garbage to relatives.. including MY FAMILY, and fussing at my young baby when they have contact with him. They have visited a few times but complain, fuss, and bring pure negative energy.

Recently, DH has been calling them here and there. He does not tell me he talks to them but then will complain about them. I ask why all the sudden he is upset and he will mention he called them. Then he says they upset him by saying that "you have changed.." or "you prefer your ILs over your own parents". DH lies and tells them that we do not visit because our son has a hard time travelling (which is not true - but we don't visit because DH doesn't want to). Then ILs fuss at my child. DH and I go into a big fight about him being dishonest and how his decisions affect me and our son.

Now ILs want to visit. They want to visit when DH is not around. Keep in mind they dislike me. DH says yes.. no.. yes.. no. I don't want my son around all this nonsense.

I don't understand this at all. What's DH's problem? I have never told him to not speak to his family. HE decides this and makes everything worse on us.
How should I deal with this? DH is a bit stubborn and I have no positive relationship with ILs.

 

Thanks for the reply. I understand that Raji, but the they have no interest in seeing the grandchild. They dont attend or play with him. For example, they came when he was first born. Said they were coming to spend several days. Well baby cried at night because he had gas - it was baby's first night at home. MIL and FIL woke up early and said they were leaving because they were disturbed all night. We never heard from them since until our child was 6 months! We hear from them via phone .. they yelled at our son (facetime) for not visiting. He's only 6 months!! what does he know about who to visit and how? DH doesn't want to visit his parents (he has good reasons, but he cannot stick to any decisions). Here and there MIL sends a gift for our son but the clothes have holes in them or are hand downs from her older grandchild. Anyhow, now ILS are starting to "discuss" other drama again. They never ask about grandbaby. They never ask that we bring him over or they want to see him. They just use this as an excuse to start drama again. The drama is complex because SIL, BIL, co-sister are all involved. Co-sister and SIL (both are best friends but are very jealous and lonely people) are big part of trying to make ILs hate us.

Guys please help me through this. I care about my son's welfare. I want him to have a relationship with his grandparents, but a healthy one. ILs have no censor or social skills about whats appropriate or wrong to say.