Twists And Turns After Meeting Co-sisters

Dear all,

First of all, thanks so much for offering me suggestions when I posted my problem here Co-sis Is Here, And I Am Nervous Already

Thanks a lot, we had a great time and in fact this party helped us bond very well.

However, this event brought a lot of twists and turns in our life, which is very heavy in my chest even now.
I am venting here, and also looking forward to your suggestions as always.

Co-sisters are never allowed to be with me in private since they are married. Co-sis 1 lives here, and visit to our city (to PILs house) at least twice a month. But she briefly visits to our place, that too with BIL. If at all she happens to visit alone, either BIL or MIL would call her back in 1-2 mins.
So, we never had to speak our heart out about our problems as DILs of the same house.

Co-sis 2 had the same prob during her visit last time. She was not allowed. Unlike my other co-sis, this one is bold; hence asked why?
She was told that I am the "villain" and I can create problems to their marriage.

Both the co-sis were told the same, and they said their husbands (BILs) believe it to be true.
Even though co-sis had no idea about this accusation, they did not take any attempt to validate this with me before.

However, Co-sis 2 had few serious probs with PILs over the time, and thought of meeting me and the other co-sis to clarify certain things. Thus she arranged a private time despite of so much blockades created by PILs and BILs.
We went on a trip and made our husbands to sleep in one room, so that we were able to stay in the other room and speak our heart out for the first time.

Co-Sis 1
Co-sis 1 has been harassed for dowry and still the harassment continuous even after giving them a lot of assets by her parents.
She is childless for the past 4 years. But her basic medical reports say nothing wrong with her. BIL hasn't checked despite their Dr suggested so.
She is abused for that, as well for a dependent state.
She is never given any pocket money, so she is highly dependent on her dad even now for cash.
BIL 1 physically abuse her like slapping and expect her to work like a domestic helper all the time.
PILs are whining and BIL goes aggressive when they are with PILs.
She wasn't allowed to be with her dad when he was undergoing a bypass surgery.
She wasn't allowed to celebrate any event or festival with her parents till date.

Co-Sis 2
She says her H is a Gem.
But he is forced to spend in lacks for PILs.
He has so much loan in the UK because he had to spend for his parents.
MIL comments bad on Co-sis modern dress, and life style and tries to restrict her when she is here
She is childless for past 2 years, and MIL uses abusive comments to criticize that.
She is obese and MIL criticize that bluntly
But she gives back nicely and shuts MIL immediately. Her H sides with her, thus MIL is almost not in talking term with BIL 2.
She says FIL is the culprit, who drains money from them which MIL has no idea.
Eg: For MIL's eye surgery they asked 5000$, but the actual expense was just more than 1000$ for both eyes.
Since my mom and co-sis 1's aunt did the same surgery at the same hospital during the same time (1-2 months difference), we know the cost very well.
Eg: For a family wedding, FIL asked 2500$ from BIL 2 to gift his sister's DD.
He said we gifted 500$ each by being locals, so NRI BIL has to gift more.
But looks like FIL gifted only 1000$ to the couple, or MIL and us know only this.

There are so much examples as this. BIL 2 has to be in debt since he was forced to draw money to send FIL. But they always give fake details to BIL family.

This time when co-sis 2 forced PIL to give account to the money they sent during the past year, PILs failed. Rather, they felt offended and accused co-sis 2 as greedy.
They even said that they had to help us and BIL 1. Which is not true. But BIL 2 and co-sis 2 believed that, and thought that we are using their money.
Not sure what else PILs have said about it.

Co-sis 2 says that they frequently send gifts and toys to our kids, as well our other relatives from the UK send the same. But we got nothing. Absolutely nothing on their special days like birthdays either.
So, they highly doubt about these things.
In fact co-sis 2 thinks that she has rights on us to ask any gift (as return) and demand anything since they have assisted us in $. But we got nothing. Seriously we felt sad for not getting any gifts from them despite of them living in abroad.

But both co-sis's said that they were systematically made not to be in touch with each other anyways.

I told them how I was financially abused when I lived in abroad and how I controlled my life after sometimes.
But looks like PILs have told everyone that I am a bizarre DIL who controls their son.

Please note: My H's salary mysteriously goes missing each month. He has loads of credit card loans and he spends 75% of his salary on repaying these loans only.
Despite of my attempts to know his credit card details, I only get very vague reply from him. I almost gave up on this now.
He refuses to throw his credit cards away either.
I am sure he never purchased anything for us using his credit cards.

He doesn't have any bad habits like drinking, smoking, womanizing etc... But he lies, and specially lies when it comes to money.
He is very very closed when it comes to money matters.
And it always takes us to bitter fights and long silent treatments/hurt if I try to dig further.

So, as an alternate coping mechanism, I've made him spend on some fixed payments such as EMI for the car, Kid's tuition fee, Fuel, Bills etc which covers at least 50% of the household expenses.
And that makes him almost empty handed despite of earning a big salary each month.
Because he is forced to spend the remaining on credit cards, or something (Dont know); thus uses his credit card to spend for the family's needs.

I always doubt FIL is behind this. It is my instinct and some odd details of the history.
Now that co-sis says almost same thing. Of course BIL 2 is in debt and struggles to meet FILs demands each month.
Co-sis 1 has no idea, since BIL 1 never shares anything with her.
My H and BILs never speak openly as bros. They are very very closed and silent. They have communication problems with all.

When PILs were young, MIL had the same problem too. She has said this to all of us in different times.
It seems FIL earned a big salary from his foreign employment, but shared only 5% of it with MIL for the family.
The rest was not saved either. She suspects FIL had shared that money with his sisters since he had loads of responsibilities for them (getting them married, after marriage rituals etc)
MIL was forced to beg her brothers to educate his children and to meet the end needs of the family back then.

I need solutions to these 2 major problems.

1) If BIL 2 is drained using our name, then it has to be clarified. But not sure BIL 2 and my H has any idea about this.
Co-sis tells FIL has told this to them. But not sure how to open this up for any clarifications.
Also, if PILs take away the gifts and cash meant to our kids from the UK. We always have contacts with their extended family through PILs. Don't know why and how that happens even though we have an address.
But I never poke my nose into their family matters.

2) I need to know what is my H's financial responsibility that forces him in debt more often than not.
Is he giving a lumpsum to PILs?
What exactly his credit card expenses, how often he drew money from it? How much? for what reason?
His salary is more than enough for him to run the family expenses and EMIs. But he is stuck up, and each time he gives excuses like I had to pay a lumpsum to clear the credit card. That is why he is bankrupt all the time.
Since I earn, his habits do not affect our family. But it is not a good sign.