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Turned 30 - Still Virgin - Why am having such a hardluck?

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by rms1, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. maya69

    maya69 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi RMS

    Only you can help yourself. There are one set of people who see things as only half empty and others who see it as only half full. But the glass is the same. Just change of attitude. You might perceive that you are the only one with problem but others have them too. From time to time you will have this self pity and worry for future but you have to finish it and come out and be positive again. I know it is hard but only you can do it.

    For time being concentrate on finding job. Get ready every day as if you are going to one. Be thankful that your health is ok. If yoga doesn't help you try some dance classes. Enjoy life. Dont make finding a husband your #1 priority. Find happiness within yourself and what you have despite all that happened.

    The other day I was feeling grumpy that life is too busy and nobody appreciates me. Then I saw one my daughters classmates mother in the school sports ground for some race. That mom was going blind. In just 3-4yrs that I have met her she was slowly going blind. Couldn't drive anymore. Could barely see her teen daughters on the sports field. She has to rely on others to take her anywhere or she walks. But she made the best effort and enjoyed chatting with other moms. I am sure there are days that she feels why me but
    those feeling pass and she does what she can.

    So please don't feel that things will never get better. Life has it's ups and downs. Just pick yourself up and move on.
     
    1 person likes this.
  2. Dhaanika

    Dhaanika Gold IL'ite

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    From your post it seemed like you were grieving about all the things that did not turn out as you expected and the marriage. And transitioning from the 20's to 30's is adding to that anxiety. Maybe you want to see a counselor (I don't know how it works in India though), but perhaps you're struggling with depression, so professional help might be useful.

    Register at the matrimonial sites and try to get out often. Take up a hobby that involves meeting new people. Try to do new things in your life and explore things that are challenging rather than wallowing in all the things that went wrong in the past. Yes, its easy to say this, but you're the only one who can shake it off and decide to do something about it.

    And as far as falling in love and relationships and the fear about whether or not it will work, you just have to take the plunge knowing you made the best decision you could given the information, and keep working at it (the relationship i.e.). Some days are good, some days are bad, as long as the first kind are the majority, you're OK.

    About getting happiness, even if you're in a relationship, the happiness part eventually is an active decision you take - just like you decide to wake up, eat, go to work, drink, happiness is a decision - you decide to be happy (or at least pursue happiness). Just being married is not going to give you happiness. Instead, its possibly quite the other way around - being happy attracts and opens your mind to other possibilities, making life seem better, and attracts other people to you.

    As an aside, you might want to look at the Power of Intention series by Wayne Dyer for some inspiration.
     
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  3. zipzipzoomzoom

    zipzipzoomzoom Gold IL'ite

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    Hey there!

    I'm not sure what advice to give you, but reading your post reminded me of similar things I struggle with, and how I am now working to push away the negative thoughts and create beauty in my life.

    Please view my latest blog entry, which was actually inspired by your post. (Moderator, I hope this is ok, I was unable to PM the OP)

    I hope this helps you, and others.
     
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  4. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    RMS,

    You got married the first time, I assume to a Gujarati Jain guy and it didn't work out. So, why are you still stuck on finding a Gujarati Jain guy knowing full well that it will not guarantee you a happy married life? You want a great husband, you are sad about being a virgin.... then please focus on what is important. A guy with good character, a guy you can trust and love. That is the most important thing. This caste and community thing is just creating more problems for you than it's worth.

    It is indeed sad that you are 30 and a virgin. Sex with the person you love is a wonderful thing. Who says you have to have an arranged marriage? You could meet someone and fall in love. Keep your heart open and love will find a way. Or pursue the matrimonial sites but open up your criteria.

    You don't have to be a stunning beauty to have a great love life or attract a guy. There is someone for everyone. Don't give up hope. And don't sit around waiting for things to happen. Get out there and meet people. Pursue a relationship. Think about remarriage. Good luck!
     
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  5. rschellva

    rschellva New IL'ite

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    Hi RMS

    Do you belive in Astrology? If so

    Please see some good Astrologer.
     
  6. voicer

    voicer New IL'ite

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    Firstly, I would say you find a job. You are educated so should not be a problem. Finding a job and keeping yourself busy is the only solution. Once you start doing job,
    - you will have the exposure to outer world
    - you will know and may be able to judge the other person
    - you will no more be in secured
    - you will be more independent and your family\relatives will not say any
    bull**** or if they do you can either start leaving alone or start coming late
    to avoid their nonsense.
    - Start making friends in a workplace start communicating with them on daily
    affairs around.
    - You may find someone with whom you can share your feelings and also may
    do a temporary affair if willing to do
    - You will have confidence in yourself and will start tackling life/situations in a
    better way then now
    - Keep your eyes open in finding the right partner without living in any trauma
    of negative thoughts and negative behavior around.

    See I have not seen you so I can not comment on why anyone have not proposed you or why you didn't had any affairs or you look bad or good or average. Even bad looking girls have affairs so that all is based on individual to individual
    As long as your recent feeling of getting aroused is concern help yourself to satisfy yourself till you find any encounter. We all do the same after reaching the Teenage age.

    Your response to my suggestion will much be appreciated....to avoid in future if any wrong suggestion given
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2011
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  7. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi ,
    These things are completely out of hands.. It is natural to worry about and difficult to get out..To be honest it is difficult to trust matrimony sites, some people keep lies.. I guess u ppl will have jain marriage bureau ..u can keep it thr and try.. all u must do is just keep praying god that u be happy and stable in life.. One of my cousin has a bad marriage for 4yrs later she got out and again got married to a fresh guy at 31 ..she is now very happy with a 3 yr old baby girl.. and another cousin of mine left to US post divorce and earning well for her self to buy an own house for herself to be settled financially.. so it is all about luck..u just need to flow with things..
    just ask ur mom to search through relatives...may be u can find some1 u never knw..
     
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  8. hems83

    hems83 New IL'ite

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    It is all nasib ka khel my dear . Wait for the right opportunity or else you have you have your own way to fullfill your wishes :)
     
  9. vijaybhas007

    vijaybhas007 New IL'ite

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    hi
    it is guite natural to feel that way, get out of the feeling, have much social visits outside your world and u will find a good guy.
    try online for good male friends, then move on.




     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 12, 2011
  10. jaya294

    jaya294 New IL'ite

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    I totally agree with you. well said.
     
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