Trying to decide on 2nd child - Husband is not interested

Viyappu · Jan 30, 2014

Hi,

I have been thinking about having a 2nd child.Husband is not interested at this point to have a second child. I can't just let it go and keep ruminating over it.
I am around 35 and he is around 38. Have a 5 year old.

Some b/g.
My husband wanted to have a second child soon after our first one(probably in a year) and at that time I was not ready because I always felt with one kid I can give him a lot more attention(with both of us working fulltime) and provide for him well financially as well. Also, the life with my husband after my first kid was pretty rough.

Now my son wants a sibling and I feel we should have a second one so when he grows old, he will have someone to share (good and bad or any responsibility). But my husband says he is not interested, that too after a lot of dialogue(for a long time he would just avoid with all lame excuses). The reason he does not want a second one(which he told me) is because he wants to enjoy life. Have a lot of couple time etc. . I feel a few years later when his interests change(/don't have the same level of importance) it will be too late to have one.

Though I have left the topic out for now I am not able to accept it I just feel he is being very selfish. Also he states that I did not want it earlier (because we can provide better for a single kid) and now he just bought into my idea.

Note: Both of us have siblings.

If we don't have a second (or atleast try to), for just this reason that my husband states, I think this will bother me for a long time.

What do you think should I just accept it and let it go?

Flyingsparks · Jan 30, 2014

Yes, have second one..it's very imp to have a sibling...ultimately family is family..the warmth of your own person is totally different..

kids who have siblings learn to share, adjust, compromise,sacrifice, etc etc..not that kids who doesn't have siblings don't do the above mentioned things..

i know a close friend who has only one kid.she didn't plan for a second kid because of her health reasons..i can see that kid feel low, dull when he see other kids who have siblings..he misses a sibling a lot.he even keeps asking his mom " mom, why doesn't i have a brother like xyz?"

it jmo..

have second kid..don't try to convince him..just show him through actions..show him some examples of your friends who have more than 1 kid.., show him how siblings interact, play etc etc..show him that people do enjoy couple time even after having two kids..read him some scenarions, books about parenting & marriage..

tell him that your kid is asking for sibling..or put it on parents..

padmaja909 · Jan 30, 2014

Viyappu said: ↑

Hi,

I have been thinking about having a 2nd child.Husband is not interested at this point to have a second child. I can't just let it go and keep ruminating over it.
I am around 35 and he is around 38. Have a 5 year old.

Some b/g.
My husband wanted to have a second child soon after our first one(probably in a year) and at that time I was not ready because I always felt with one kid I can give him a lot more attention(with both of us working fulltime) and provide for him well financially as well. Also, the life with my husband after my first kid was pretty rough.

Now my son wants a sibling and I feel we should have a second one so when he grows old, he will have someone to share (good and bad or any responsibility). But my husband says he is not interested, that too after a lot of dialogue(for a long time he would just avoid with all lame excuses). The reason he does not want a second one(which he told me) is because he wants to enjoy life. Have a lot of couple time etc. . I feel a few years later when his interests change(/don't have the same level of importance) it will be too late to have one.

Though I have left the topic out for now I am not able to accept it I just feel he is being very selfish. Also he states that I did not want it earlier (because we can provide better for a single kid) and now he just bought into my idea.

Note: Both of us have siblings.

If we don't have a second (or atleast try to), for just this reason that my husband states, I think this will bother me for a long time.

What do you think should I just accept it and let it go?
Click to expand...

definetly go for second child. They will be support for each other as they grow up.

Rise · Jan 30, 2014

ok-- when he needed a kid ,you did not need one. now when u need a kid, he does not need one...... its easy for all to say have second kid--but the tough part is dh is not willing....... In this case you need to make your son keep telling his dad--"dad i need a brother/sister" hus shuldnt feel u are making the kid tell him...... just let the kid keep telling he wants a baby like 10-15 times to his dad and all relatives everyday.....

cause the more the wife nags for something the more dh will go away from it.....but if kids nag for something --he sooner or later gets it....

yellowmango · Jan 30, 2014

Having kids or the number of kids should always be a joint decision.Talk to him some more.....find out what he is worried about. If he has fears of being neglected emotionally and physically...talk about that.

Rihana · Jan 30, 2014

Viyappu said: ↑

What do you think
Click to expand...

Seduce the reluctant husband. Hurry up, your clock is ticking and too much gap between kids beats the purpose of a sibling.

ramyav_cse · Jan 30, 2014

I did not post my dilemma here but your suggestions have for sure helped me...Thanks gals :2thumbsup:

Viyappu · Jan 30, 2014

Thanks for all the responses. Really appreciate your input.

Rihana said: ↑

Seduce the reluctant husband. Hurry up, your clock is ticking and too much gap between kids beats the purpose of a sibling.
Click to expand...

Rihana,

My husband sometimes on a light note teases stating that I can get him to do it(have a second one) if I want.
But I feel he has to whole heartedly agree, as this would be a long term commitment and would never want to have a kid who was not wanted.

daksh · Feb 1, 2014

Viyappu, I am in almost exact situation, first I said no stating career growth. Now he says no, as he is used to this life and is scared to bring another life and worried about the difficult first three years to bring up a child. I am in early thirties, he is in late thirties. Have to decide soon, my biological clock is ticking, my son is going to be 7 years old in few months, and my physical stamina is going down each passing year. Lets see, good luck to both of us.

persecutedDIL · Feb 1, 2014

Viyappu said: ↑

Thanks for all the responses. Really appreciate your input.

Rihana,

My husband sometimes on a light note teases stating that I can get him to do it(have a second one) if I want.
But I feel he has to whole heartedly agree, as this would be a long term commitment and would never want to have a kid who was not wanted.
Click to expand...

That's what I was thinking. Now that he said it, just have unprotected *** with him a couple of times and there you go !