Trying To Cope With Social Life, Been Withdrawn Due To Sexual Harrasment During Teenage

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by ktgeetha, Sep 8, 2017.

  1. Sep 8, 2017 #1
    ktgeetha

    ktgeetha Senior IL'ite

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    Hello friends,
    I am 38 now.

    I had been molested by a known person of my father's age, when I was a teenager.because of this i could not trust men in general, of any age. I was ok ok with my casual friendships with boys, while in college. However, this created social anxiety in me. After college, when in job , i couldn't mingle much. Because generally i observe a lot before interacting,to be on the safer side. I was in a bank, all other skills i had, but problem was with communication with customers. In the workplace, too i faced some harrasment( my seniors).i become more reserved.I even thought of ending my life. Though i was even promoted as manager, but after sometime i resigned, now married and having two kids. Still i can't talk with others(now it is people of all age) freely and mostly it is simple sentences, after sometime i become conscious and start stuttering. I have been mocked, made fun of, humiliated, etc I try to come out of this, but couldn't.
    What should I do?
    P.s:i can think and write fluently, only problem is not able to open my mouth.
     
    ktgeetha, Sep 8, 2017
    ktgeetha, Sep 8, 2017
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  2. Sep 8, 2017 #2
    Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    If you can afford, you should get psychological help. Find a local one, perhaps a lady, and discuss your problem. In many countries as much as 80% of young women had been groped and worse, by an older relative, or an older friend of a relative. Most people just muddle through their lives with whatever lingering effects it had left in them.
     
    Nonya, Sep 8, 2017
    Nonya, Sep 8, 2017
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  3. Sep 9, 2017 #3
    sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Counselling with a lady counsellor will help.
    I empathise with u. Don't worry. Postive affirmation like "I will be safe, not all men are bad,I will see good humans from now on" can help. But first therapist is the requirement
     
    sindmani, Sep 9, 2017
    sindmani, Sep 9, 2017
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  4. Sep 9, 2017 #4
    ktgeetha

    ktgeetha Senior IL'ite

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    I have thought counselling many times, for i wanted a positive role in my children life. Problem is not affordability, but explaining it my family, and can't do it discreetly also, since my kids are too young and they don't stay with others. Anyway i will try counselling, after sometime when time permits.
    Thank you friends.
     
    ktgeetha, Sep 9, 2017
    ktgeetha, Sep 9, 2017
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  5. Sep 9, 2017 #5
    sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    While u go for counselling ur husband cam take care of the kids or ur parents can if nearby. Just my idea
     
    sindmani, Sep 9, 2017
    sindmani, Sep 9, 2017
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  6. Sep 9, 2017 #6
    Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, sorry to hear about what you had to go through . However painful , you must try to move on , it is not your fault . Try to schedule counseling during your or husband's work hours so no one at home has to know. You deserve happiness now , so take all necessary steps to ensure that. I wish you the very best.
     
    Sandycandy, Sep 9, 2017
    Sandycandy, Sep 9, 2017
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  7. Sep 9, 2017 #7
    ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    This is so true. Even boys goes through molestation from their older relatives, male / female.

    In a group of 10 ladies, atleast 6-8, maybe even all 10, will raise their hands if you ask about groping / molestation atleast once in their life.

    Many of us just carries it in our memory or try to erase it n move on with our life.

    You can be a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Don't generalise as "all men are the same". That is wrong. Jus like how we each women are unique, they are too.

    Look at good men around you who does so much for their family n loves them. Your dad, brothers, cousin's, husband, sons, friend, neighbor, anyone. Focus on the positive n tell yourself that not all men are the same jus like how not all women are the same.

    Was the workplace harassment sexual or political ? If it's sexual, you can even put a case.

    If your kids are too small, then take them along for counselling as you said you can't leave them alone.
    Or say you are going to your parents house or a friend's house n get their help to keep the kids for an hour or two n you can go for counselling.
    Or say you want a time out, n wana go to a library for one-two hours on weekends n ask hubby to take care of the kids.
    Once you find the will, you will find one way or another.

    Read a lot of articles about strong women, survivors. Practise talking in front of a mirror. Don't look at the person when talkin, imagine the mirror in the beginning. Start talking with many kids around your area, then the ladies, then men. Elders n kids can be easy practise to begin with.

    Finally, Pity party will only suppress us n ruin our life n not the bad guys, they live happily. If they can, why shouldn't we, when it's no fault of ours ? Infact, we should be happier.

    Don't give any more power to the bad people, bad memories of your life. Take charge. The memory may stay forever, but it will be just that, a memory, not a power tool to control your life.
     
    ashneys, Sep 9, 2017
    ashneys, Sep 9, 2017
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  8. Sep 9, 2017 #8
    WorriesTooMuch

    WorriesTooMuch Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP, I'm so sorry to hear about your trauma. I would advice counselling as well. Unfortunately, I have had several such unpleasant experiences in my teenage years as well, including sustained abuse by a cousin. As for older men, the most horrible memory of my early youth is being groped by a neighbour, a man my fathers age. It was on my 22nd birthday, and I can never forget how tainted it made me feel, how ugly and cheap. I never complained to anyone, never wanted to take it further.

    But it held me back, things like this. Counselling helped me, it provides a listener who doesn't judge or act outraged on your behalf and make you feel guilty for not speaking up. You will heal.
     
    WorriesTooMuch, Sep 9, 2017
    WorriesTooMuch, Sep 9, 2017
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  9. Sep 9, 2017 #9
    ktgeetha

    ktgeetha Senior IL'ite

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    It is not that I cannot find time at all. It is just a bit difficult. Anyway i will try to squeeze in some time somehow.

    At my workplace , the harrasment was both political and sexual. Many times i feel once you climb the ladder, the sexual harrasment is for political reasons, that too bythe older men. Anyway i resigned 6 years back, and it is just a bad memory, no point in filing case now.
    I won't say all men are bad, in my family( both mothers and Ils)all men are good to me than women. My grandfather, uncle, fil , husband. I have also a few good friends who are boys, with whom I still have contact. But I take a lot of time(sometimes years) to interact and then only i become close. don't want to take risk at all, still there will be some errors and omissions, to put me in trouble.
    But to be too reserved is not possible in a professional set up and social places na.
    I did and do have good friends, without whose emotional support, i would never survived too. I have shared and discussed these issues with them, the more you know that such happenings are common place, the more cautious you become.

    Coming to the present, I live in self pity, that is my problem, as pointed out.

    I am planning of restarting my career too.

    Thanks for the tips Ashneys, i will try them one by one.
     
    ktgeetha, Sep 9, 2017
    ktgeetha, Sep 9, 2017
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  10. Sep 9, 2017 #10
    Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    There are plenty of self help books, start reading them. There are many bad things and people in this world, but there is also goodness and kind people around . The best thing is to sarround yourself with good people. Look out for a job where there is a good supportive work environment . Join groups or associations which are genuinely focussed on helping people in some way or the other . Make a program for yourself and set realistic goals.
     
    Shreema86, Sep 9, 2017
    Shreema86, Sep 9, 2017
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