Trying To Be Everywhere And End Up Being Nowhere!

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by Anusha2917, Mar 29, 2022.

  1. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,478
    Likes Received:
    6,855
    Trophy Points:
    383
    Gender:
    Female
    Right now I'm so overwhelmed and I feel have I taken up too many things which I'm unable to handle.
    Current state : stressed, irritated, unsure, sinking in guilt.

    It was my birthday recently and i just could not enjoy anything on that day. I was artificially smiling at the celebration pics. I was feeling heavy from inside. No amount of surprise from family and friends made me feel good. I didn't enjoy because I was only thinking how I can finish my office tasks.

    Some problem areas :

    1) Work: Been a few weeks since I started working. The career break has really slowed down my pace at work. It's the same team, same company, in fact few projects are same where I left it in 2019. Yet I'm lagging behind. I'm just not able to finish my tasks at time. I carry the tasks to next day, I'm getting overwhelmed by not putting a tick Mark against the tasks in my to do list at the end of the day. It's just getting piled up. I'm not able to focus 100% on my tasks. I'm trying but I feel so bad n disappointed that it's been more than a month now n I'm still at snail's pace. I got a hint from my peers that I need to really start getting back into the pace.
    Work apart I haven't even thought about my Chatership which will help me accelerate in my career. The work from home hasn't helped me at all because it's so new to me and I'm so unproductive to sit n work from home. Going back to office will probably help me.

    2) Passive income : Trading.
    Last year I took up a course on professional trading and investment because we (my husband n me) thought in a long term stock market is a place where we both want to be. I finished the course, did well and made consistent ROI month on month after the course.Now even though we thought one of us will have a full time job and other will concentrate on full time trading we didn't stick with that plan because as of now it made more sense to not depend on trading for income and we build good capital before we actually start depending on income from trading. . Though I started off as a intra day trader, with a full time job it made no sense to do that because intra day means 9 15am to 3 30pm I'm in the stock market. So I'm trying to move my style of trading from intra day to something where I can hold it for few weeks/months. I'm trained how to do that in my course . This way I don't have to sit in front of the screen to execute my trades. But it requires disciplined weekend studies and everyday 1hr of studies to plan my entries n exits and place my trading orders in the system. Otherwise it just won't work. Now prioritizing my trading studies over everything else in the weekend is taking a toll because I'm not able to do any relaxing.
    And with poor task management at work I end up doing office work in the weekend. So past month trading has gone for a toss. I really don't want to be in this position .
    I will get better at managing both. Probably it's too much now to expect perfection but it's exhausting to try to manage both and I'm doubting myself if I am trying to handle too many things.

    3) Mom guilt : This is so real and i feel "Am I doing enough for my daughter". The guilt of not being able to take her to play area, guilt of not being able a prepare a snack for her, guilt of not being able to sit and teach her new words as she's trying to talk now at 18months is killing me. Many more mommy guilts but I'm writing a few.
    In terms of help , you name it - I have it.
    I have a helper in the morning to help me with chopping veggies , any sort of grinding, folding n drying clothes,dusting etc . She's with me for 1.5 hrs and takes up any task I give her in that 1.5 hrs. All I have to do is make bf n lunch.Then I have a help for washing vessels, sweeping mopping and clean the bathrooms. Then evening we have a cook for making dinner.
    Mom dad help me with looking after my 1.5Y old. The lil one goes to day care for 3 hrs so that mom dad are not burdened with running behind the toddler.
    Yet I'm so ineffective at work and have pathetic time management skills . This is where I'm getting stressed, guilt creeps in and makes me feel super anxious.

    My challenge area :
    1) I can't finish my office tasks on time
    2) though I have dedicated time for my exercise n sports I am not consistent. I lack discipline and I feel "I'm not at all fit". My energy levels are down and i want to go back to having a " Me time " With some physical activity.
    3) I'm slow at work and it's taking forever to finish the tasks which I have done earlier in my career.
    4) Am I doing too many things? (full time job, trading monthly positions, toddler care) .
    5) I am not able to dedicate 1hr / day for planning and executing my trades.

    How to improve on becoming a better version of myself in managing all the things I have mentioned? I'm okay to see very little progress in me each day but I'm not ready to give up on anything . But sometimes I feel I'm not getting better at all. I'm not progressing at all and I am stuck with trying to do too many things.
    Past week has been worst with so much difficulty in handling all this.

    Help me where and how I can improve.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2022
    Loading...

  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    11,709
    Likes Received:
    28,484
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    Drop the trading thing. Leave ALL financial stuff to husband while you stay in the loop. As child reaches five years and fulltime school, you can/should get back into that.

    All the "help" you have listed is just that - help. The main responsibility remains yours.
     
  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,573
    Likes Received:
    6,100
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    You only have so many hours in the day. Even the best discipline cannot help you manufacture more time.
    List out your priorities and then work backwards to fit them into your life, not the other way around. If I were you I’d drop everything other than the main job until your kid grows up.
     
  4. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,085
    Likes Received:
    12,665
    Trophy Points:
    445
    Gender:
    Female
    You're trying to do three full time jobs—mom, 9-5 office and day trader—all by yourself. The title of your post is pretty apt. It is simply not feasible to be everywhere all at once. This is a short-cut to burnout town. You will have to let some things go, and outsource others. Hold off on the day trading for six months. (There is so much to say on the subject of making a living via trading that we'll need another thread for it) What I will say is that day-trading is rarely a good substitute for a well established career especially when you are just starting out. Start by finding your feet at work. Make your work and child your focus for the rest of the year. Needless to say household chores should be outsourced completely. Don't make any fitness goals for now. Eat healthy and get enough sleep. That alone will do wonders for your state of mind.

    I do many of the things you have mentioned in your post but I've built them into my life through years, even decades, of incremental changes. I wrote an ML based trading ensemble for picking trades. Made a decent bit of money off it. I still tweak it in my free time. But I do it for the fun of it, not to give myself sleepless nights. And I didn't dare do any of this when my kids were toddlers.

    Save your strength and sanity for when your daughter is old enough. There will be more than enough time for side pursuits in a couple of years. Above all, speak kindly to yourself. You are not failing at anything. You are judging yourself by superhuman standards that you would never apply to someone you love. Give yourself the same grace.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2022
  5. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,765
    Likes Received:
    2,261
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    It takes times to get with used to your office work. give your full potential when you are at work, you will catch the flow soon.

    if you are doing somethings everyday change it to alternative days or alternative week or to weekends like cooking time taking meals, good exercise, trading etc.


    For ex, If I focus one week on my kid with his homeworks/studies where he is etc, I see that I am not on top of things in my office. Then I focus on my office work. Like that I shift my time, going with the flow, where it is needed. I still have so many things to take care as high priority, but failing to do.:tired:
     
    Anusha2917, Thyagarajan and MalStrom like this.
  6. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    9,831
    Likes Received:
    11,043
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi @Anusha2917 ,

    We can be all that we want to be, but one thing at a time - this is a mantra I have followed. I do not know about regrets but one thing I can assure you is that I have been able to do my best for each task that was important at that point in my life.

    This here is the key to how you are feeling -
    If you are not willing to give up on anything, prioritize. Of the three things you have mentioned - work, day trading - passive income, mom what takes precedence over the other?

    Some things to think about -

    You say you have all the help you need as far as housework and child are concerned - mom guilt is something we all deal with, no matter what we have or don't have.
    You also said it was collective decision between you and your husband - is it possible for him to take over this for the short term and you still oversee?
    Work - obviously it is an adjustment phase and you need to believe that this will get better.

    What has always worked for me and I have said this so many times on this website, keeping the first half or one hour aside just for me first thing in the morning and this has usually been before anyone wakes up - by this I mean before the world wants my attention in a million directions. See if you can just wake up half hour early in the morning, sit with a cup of coffee and a newspaper/book, go for a walk etc., with out thinking of anything. I think that will help you. Even though we may feel there are only so many days or that life is short, pausing to enjoy what we are doing will give us a better sense of fulfillment and happiness.

    The phase of your life is such that you feel the rush and the overwhelm, it is not that you lack discipline though I believe we all could use some of it no matter what stage of life we are in! That said, do prioritize - the order you have mentioned are work, passive income and mom guilt. Pick the one that is most important - make a plan of action for that and forgive yourself for sliding on the other two, not giving up. You have to feel happy about one thing at least no? If you manage all three successfully, trust me it is not hard to fall into the thinking of "Is it possible for me to be doing more?". Seek contentment, forgive yourself and enjoy the most important thing for you at this point in your life - only you know that. Continue to prioritize and change up the order, you will be much happier. Best wishes!
     
    Anusha2917, Thyagarajan and Rihana like this.
  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    9,070
    Likes Received:
    9,757
    Trophy Points:
    490
    Gender:
    Male
    Very true.
     
    Gauri03 and Anusha2917 like this.
  8. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    253
    Likes Received:
    155
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Have you tried to work on your mind by mind relaxation techniques like Yoga or Meditation?
     
    Anusha2917 likes this.
  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    9,070
    Likes Received:
    9,757
    Trophy Points:
    490
    Gender:
    Male
    Day trading needs dedicated hours of study the previous closes and morning indices in general SGX in particular.
    If you have capital or surplus money i would suggest invest long term blue chips which are sure to rebound fast and reach previous high soon. Many blue chips are cheap in Indian stock market. Added attraction is dividend. Look at dividend history for example Ambuja Cements, Tata Consumer products ( Tata coffee is being merged and today it soared high by 2.5% substantial amount).

    In respect of other aspects of your seemingly uphill tasks , I endorse the suggestion of others posted before mine.
    God bless little one, family members and you.*
    Regards.
    * if my memory serves correctly, your birth day was on tue 29th. Belated
    H a p p y b i r t h D a y.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2022
    Anusha2917 likes this.
  10. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,478
    Likes Received:
    6,855
    Trophy Points:
    383
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi FE40 . Yes I perform 10 mins of guided meditation every morning . Thank you for asking .
    Trying to make time for fitness/Yoga and sport!
     

Share This Page