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Trusting Vibes..

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Jul 2, 2022.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Some people emit a lot of positive energy.We like them Instantly.


    Some people emit a lot of negative vibes.The way they talk,the person they are feels suffocating.

    I have a neighbor who is a sweet talker. My gut instinct very strongly says she is fake.Something about her does not vibe with me.


    How much can we trust gut instinct?

    This is one aspect of my life am struggling with.I have come a long way in my life but am
    Not able to build trust in people.

    I am very soft-spoken and do not speak up and now only am getting better.

    Having been a bullied kid through school ,college and relatives..I feel “Abuse is Normal“.

    I don’t know sometimes if I am sensitive or if they are rude.

    “I don’t know to clearly identify“.


    For eg: My relatives always and many times talk about my homemaker status like the below..

    “Always eating,sleeping,enjoying and “vetti “
    Vetti means waste

    Or

    “ You have all the free time in the world and that is why you cook so much“

    Or

    “People are suffering to earn $10 and here you are being a “Vetti officer“

    Another time I had a board in my kitchen to write some kids activities and other stuff..my uncle took the marker and wrote “Monday- Sunday = Free“ and smiled


    Apart from that basic teasing About not knowing pinch of money etc


    Anything I say they claim that I am sensitive or can’t take a joke.

    Last time I cut off relatives coz I couldn’t take the below..

    One relative daughter pooped in her diaper when she was sitting next to me.My uncle ,aunt and relatives were like “After seeing your face she pooped“ and laughed.

    I thought it was a joke or it is meant to be taken as a joke.so I left it.

    However..after 5 or 6 times in various occasions I lashed out coz I finally felt humiliated.

    Many other stuff. My mom herself who has been butt of jokes told me am sensitive..I told her finally that she is different and I am different.I am maybe not mentally string like her.

    My mom always said I need to see good side to people and let things go..I always have seen my mom adjusting,not speaking up and quiet.I grew up being the same way.it is so hard to break the conditioning.


    I don’t know if am sensitive or they are rude.I feel i have been treated bad by many people and have been working on myself for years.

    I was told by a well wisher that I am a victim of gaslighting and my reality version is distorted.

    I am struggling you build meaningful relationships.Even if someone is nice..am scared to be my usual self .Am nice to them but always maintain a distance.

    Am I sensitive or are they rude?Am I assuming they are bullying me?coz u cut them off and my mom is upset about it. If am sensitive or wrong I can always ask sorry.


    How do I find the difference between mean and jokes? Can you guys give me tips
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2022
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  2. NOW

    NOW Gold IL'ite

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    All the examples you gave are outright products of - bullying nature of your relatives, in some social circles people cross the line when pulling each other's legs, jealousy, superiority complex, not drawing boundaries with extended family and relatives early on ... I can go on and on. No, you are not sensitive or rude but sane to identify the toxic environment you are in !!
     
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  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks dear. Especially the last line “sane to identify the toxic environment“
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2022
  4. nandinimithun

    nandinimithun IL Hall of Fame

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    I hate when people are mean, downright disgusting and call that as fun. There has been many instances when friends and family would tell me that i am thin and i might fly away with the wind, no need to book flight tickets for me.

    That I save money for my husband by mot eating, so and so forth. Initially i used to laugh and bruah it away, but later i couldn't take it anymore and replied, yes it is like that.

    I too have got similar comments from people, you are just a housewife, no ambition, no goal and nothing to do, you live on your husband's money.

    I have never made fun of such things to anyone i wont too, at times when i look back, i feel what made these people say what they said.

    I now feel that for me these words are nothing, i am not reacting to these people and not giving any attention to them.
    I am busy in my world which is me, my husband and my 2 kids.

    Big hugs to you dear @anika987
     
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  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you.Same thoughts and these people are those who have seen me from the time I was a baby...

    Not everyone can be the same,speak up or be super bold . Though strength lies within us it needs to be built and it is such tough process..
    In my case am against so many people and walking away seem to be the last straw.

    If I confront they are sarcastic or call me sensitive and cannot take a joke.

    I kept living for years thinking something is wrong with me and it has got me trust issues with people and many wrongly misconstrute me.Only if they knew!

    Anyways ..I feel strongly that they r rude but when 10 people say the same thing..it is hard to convince the mind.

    Any tips of how to identify who is toxic and what is plain rude?

    I want to improve my relationships with people and don’t want to diss the good ones
     
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  6. nandinimithun

    nandinimithun IL Hall of Fame

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    I may be wrong but i feel the toxic ones are those, whose presence makes you feel ubeasy, uncomfortable and something just not right, not once or twice, most of the times.

    Also as far as i have experienced toxic people are someone who cannot genuinely feel happy for me and keep spreading unwanted things in my absence.

    Someone who keeps reminding about an innocent mistake that i had done as a child.

    The only topic of conversation is my negative traits, downfall and pulling me down.

    People who are genuinely positive, light and good at heart try to help without any frills attached and dont make a big deal out of it. With them there is always something good and nice to learn about.

    I dont do body shaming and i cannot accept that as a joke any day.

    Joking about someone's health condition is a big no for me.

    Love
    Nandu
     
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  7. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hmm the above has happened to me...

    I am always shut up by all of them coz they keep saying I am sensitive all the time..

    So i believed am sensitive and never will move away from negative people coz I thought in am always wrong and allowed them to treat me badly.I felt if I move away then am sensitive..

    It is so hard..
     
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  8. nandinimithun

    nandinimithun IL Hall of Fame

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    Drop by dropan ocean is filled my dear, similarly strength comes one by one.

    Now people say i am cold hearted and it still doesnt end, only difference is that now it doesnt affect me.

    It had inflicted a lot of mental pain for me in my teenage years and early marriage days that i would avoid meeting people for the fear of being judged, told unwanted things.

    My husband understood and took me out and made me realize that it is not my problem or mistake if others say anything, i dont have to react either.

    Reading and writing are my 2 beautiful escape from the reality.

    Love
    Nandini
     
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  9. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    True...as long was we are compassionate ton ourselves and take care and not let go of ourselves..that is also important.
     
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  10. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    One thing I want to mention is..

    Happy,mature and truly confident individuals will always respect others choices and not interfere or atleast there will be respect in the way of questioning.

    I always believe there is also no need to punish these people who are rude coz for sure they are not happy people and vent their jealousy and frustration.That itself is suffering.

    We should also be proud that we are not the ones who continue this chain reaction of rudeness and stop it with us.I always felt it takes lot of mental strength and compassion to not be rude to others.

    It takes two minutes to be rude but we stop ourselves coz we have morals.That is real strength.Only thing is we have to protect ourselves.

    Hugs to you too!
     
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