1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Trouble with my own SIL...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Amicable, Feb 19, 2008.

  1. Amicable

    Amicable Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    293
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi friends....

    I have a situation regarding my own family. I am 13 week pregnant, before I lost two early stage pregnancies in the past. This time I only told my mother about my pregnancy, just for sake of to keep myself positive and I didn't want to be depressed and sad thinking about it. One of my SIL (brothers wife) lives in India very nosy in everything. Yesterday, I told her about my pregnancy and also apolozied about telling her little late. She pretended very nice to me at that time and today she wrote me nasty email that I do not consider her a part of the family and now refusing to look after my widow mother. My mother is very sick related to her mental imbalance, she is very active otherwise and do cooking at home for everybody as my SIL doesn't like kitchen at all. My SIL spend maximum at her parents house and do nothing at home even. Her behaviour towards my mother is always mean, but I don't interfare because my mother has nowhere else to go. My brother don't want any trouble with my SIL so he didn't say anything about it. They are telling me to keep my mom with me permanent. My mother doesn't have greencard and health insurance is very expensive in this country. I am a housewife, so I don't think my husband will be able to afford my mother's medical bill. Don't get my husband wrong, he is willing to help but this is not a permanent solution.

    I am cursing myself now, why didn't I tell her earlier, Now because of me my mom will be in trouble. She is already going so much problem and now if she will live by her own, it will be a completly mess for her as she doesn't take her medicine somebody has to force her everyday. There are no senior citizen homes in our city, so don't know what to do?

    regards
     
    Loading...

  2. Sujimallige

    Sujimallige Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    689
    Likes Received:
    20
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear amicable,

    I felt v sad reading ur post.Almost in tears.
    I dont know y people cant just be happy for u (after those 2 bad experiences u r having happiness now).
    I know relatives r like that only but i really feel upset for ur mother,she cannot stay alone if she is not well.
    I would suggest u to speak to ur brother and explain to him the reason behind u not telling everybody.Tell them that in US doctor advises against telling people till they give permission.
    Hope the other seniors will help u out better.
    But I shall pray for u ,ur baby and ur mother,

    suji
     
  3. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,320
    Likes Received:
    7,222
    Trophy Points:
    545
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello Amicable,
    Very sad situation about your mom.
    And Congrats on your pregnancy!!
    As Suji said, please talk to your brother and explain to him.
    It becomes his duty to take of your mom and explain to him that if you had been in India, you would have taken care of your mom.
    There is no use in feeling bad with your SIL. Even if you had told her earlier, she would have created some or the other problem. This is not the main reason for your SIL to create problem.

    Regards.
     
  4. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,776
    Likes Received:
    82
    Trophy Points:
    135
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Amicable, I feel a big burden in my heart when I read your post. I think your SIL is only making this situation as an excuse to get rid of your mother. I can very well understand your mom's condition... my mil has similar illness. She does and can take care of all day-to-day things but she's unpredictable. My fil has to force her to take medicines without which she'll be totally out of control. And I can understand your situation too because I too had 2 miscarriages before my boy was born. It's best to talk to your brother and explain the situation. Given your mother's condition it's not at all advisable to change her doctor or home or anything. When my in-laws visited us for 3 months and under sudden circumstances they had to extend their stay by another 3 weeks. My mil ran out of her medicine... i had huge trouble consulting a doctor here and getting medicines using indian prescription. Her doctor in India also advised that such patients cannot be consulted by any doctor and even slight change in medication can affect them thousand fold. I'll pray for your mother and for your pregnancy too. Please don't stress yourself... i know it's easy to say so but try! All the best to you... Latha
     
  5. srivatsa

    srivatsa New IL'ite

    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    congratulations and enjoy your pregnency on the first.

    Now coming to the problem you are facing. Don't you have any of your mothers sisters or brothers. She does not need to stay in their house, but she can stay in a house very near to them so that, they can take care of her in case of her medicines and illness and she can enjoy the company of her group by meeting them regularly. In this way she can have a independent house with not much work to do and most important find a servant maid of middle age who can be with her all the 24 hours. If you coming down for the delivery to India, you can make the trip immediately , make all the arrangments for your mother and also make sure she is happy in the new environment before you fly back to your hubby with your baby.

    Its just a suggestion ,you can accomodate it according to your convinience.

    Regards
    Sri
     
  6. Nakshatraa

    Nakshatraa Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    278
    Likes Received:
    88
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi dear,
    First of all, a big congrats on your motherhood.

    Coming to your problem,I really feel sorry for your situation.
    The person held fully responsible for this is not yourself or your hubby.
    It’s only your brother. He is trying to find peace only for himself, by keeping quite to your SIL’s unfair behaviour.:notthatway:
    Given this situation, it would be better for you to have a plain talk with your brother only.
    Let him know that it’s his duty to take care of your parents. Also, tell him strongly, old age is a phase that every person has to cross.
    Of course you are always there to help them every now & then. But, it would be totally unreasonable to make the old person, shift her place of residence to a different country.
    Also, to check with you, how do you plan to take care of your delivery?
    If it’s in your place, then you can invite her place for 6 months or so, if her health permits. This will give her a change as well as for your brother too.
    Anyway, do take care of your health & don’t take too many worries. Always think for practical solutions. My 2cents
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2008
  7. Sujimallige

    Sujimallige Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    689
    Likes Received:
    20
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Male
    Hello amicable,

    How r u and how r things at ur end.
    Did everything settle down between ur sil.What happened abt mother.
    Take gud care of urself.

    suji
     
  8. Amicable

    Amicable Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    293
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Suji and all,

    Thank you for asking, yes I did have talk with my brother and told him that if anything happen, he will be responsible. After then, I talked to my family seems things got calm down. And I am ok with it now. Hopefully, in future he and his wife will not disturb me again like this. Once again thanks for your concern.

    Regards
     

Share This Page