Treating in-laws like your own parents?

If only I can get some moolah, for every time I inspire Rih to create a thread, I'll become rich

 

It is a completely different relationship. With your own parents you have the shared childhood history and also a lot of emotional baggage (good and bad ). Your in-laws again are in the beginning totally strangers. After time you will get to know them but they will always remain as your spouses parents. You can become very close friends as there are not the same baggage as you have with your own parents. Or it can turn out that you will not become close.

Not sure what you are referring with "treatment". Of course both set of in-laws need to be treated similarly, ie visiting both, spending festivals together, access to grandchildren etc.

 

Rihana,

I think there are lots of pros in this approach, if the in laws also think of DILs as their daughters, and not as the outsider/house help/DIL. Otherwise, there are only cons.

Pros for me are:
1. Happy family life between DH and DW
2. Good relationships between all
3. Emotional, physical and financial support in times of need
4. DIL - MIL learning lots of things from each other

The cons include losing out all the things above.

 

Pro: you get to tell them exactly what's on your mind about how crazy they are being, if at all they are
con: your mind could trick you into thinking they are thinking of you of you as their own daughter, which could (or should I say would?) lead to heartbreak.

 

That is impossible... We treat our parents as ours because of the blood relationship and bonding since childhood. We are used to their living, their approach and everything. We also inherit most of their behavior; thus it is a very comfortable relationship to be in.

You can treat your PIL with respect, affection, love and care. But not in the same place as your parents. Very difficult, or impossible.

If at all, it is possible then the pros will be: Taking them for granted. You can ask MIL to cook while you watch an interesting movie or read online here.
You can rightfully blame MIL for not bathing your kid on time, or not doing their home work since you are busy at home
You can advice MIL about recent trends and expect her to proudly nod her head

Cons: Hard to resist when your DH wants to send all his salary to his parents. Hard to resist when they demand for anything. Moreover hard to resist when they interfere with everything

 

Inlaws can be treated as parents provided they also treat dil as their own daughter. If in laws want to be treated as parents but treat dil as an outsider (which happens in most of the cases) thn it only has cons and we all are aware of that.

 

While one can certainly treat in laws with the same respect they do their parents, I don't think the love is something that is ever gonna be the same. I remember my dad postponing an important surgery cause I had my 12th board exams in 2 months time; he didn't tell any of us abt it and for 2 months he put up with the pain for my future. My in laws will never do any such thing for me; I dont expect them to either. So we should all just accept that the relationship with in laws is a formal one which has to be nurtured over time for love and respect to grow; if that is not possible then at least lets agree to disagree and keep up appearances! I feel sometimes dils and pils have such unrealistic expectations from the relationship that we set it up for disaster. I often wonder why we women are expected to consider in laws like our parents but the same is not expected from men; are we genetically coded to do so , some hormone that is triggered the day we get married

 

Can we feel the same for them the way we feel for our parents.
There have been rare moments when I felt real affection for mil...once when she copied a recipe from a tv programme of a dish I liked and made it for me.She told me she really like it and since I like that vegetable too...she thought she would try the authentic version for me.I found that very endearing and felt very close to her .But most times it is not so.

Pros.....the coveted good dil tag. husband's appreciation....probably less family tensions.

Cons......being taken for granted and taken for a ride.That would increase interference in our life.

 

I would disagree that it is impossible. Rather it depends on mutual respect given by PIL and DILs to each other. It can't be one way traffic and sometime it ends up being chicken and egg problem in sense who shows respect love first.

I may be minority who has better relationship with MIL compare to my own mother ( for whatever reason) and my MIL has never taken myself for granted on anything, myself and cosis given full independence and it is hard to not feel love and respect for her. On same note, myself and cosis we treat her like our mother where we have all kind of talk with her and we stand onside while she showers her love on her son's and grandkids.

So sometime our experiences clouds our judgement (either good way or bad way). But i would say if someone has to give someone advice tell that person Give a real chance to each realtionship.

Kalyug's ram has said "Easy to break realtions, hard to maintain and very difficult to re-connect broken one".