Travails Of A Would-be Father

Discussion in 'Pregnancy & Labor' started by Greenbay, Jun 1, 2018.

  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Then how come she insisted to post it in IL ?? :confundio1::thinking:
     
  2. Greenbay

    Greenbay Gold IL'ite

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    Getting wife's parents to help in delivery!

    I have 2 married sisters busy in their careers/kids/family life. My wife has one older brother who works in Dubai. He obviously is busy with his career/family life. That leaves just my wife's parents as relatives we can count on if there is need.

    I am fiercely independent and my wife too. We came to US to study, met in school, then continued with PhD and have been managing our lives without much interference. As I shared before, my mother trained us well in all the household work, so there was no need to seek any help all these days.

    Her parents have visited us twice but they were working then, so were here for a month or 35 days each time. Majority of their stay was spent in taking them around, shopping etc, so there was not much time to dwell on personality mismatch issues. But now we have dilemma. We don't want to burden them as our babies are primarily our responsibility but meantime I don't want to steal their right to bond with babies (their grandkids). My wife oscillates between having them here in 9th month and then she says she doesn't want them till babies are atleast 3 months old. At times, she says she feels guilty to not share this with her mother who is eager to hear good news.

    Part of me thinks my MIL should come within next month and stay with my wife for next 6 months and then we manage on our own. But I don't want to act against my wife's wishes.
     
  3. Greenbay

    Greenbay Gold IL'ite

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    Who knows? Does evil-eye works only if you know people personally and anonymous/strangers don't count :)?

    Doctor knows, I suspect some of our neighbors know too watching when we leave for work or when we go for our walk but not her family/my sisters/her colleagues/ my colleagues yet. She says she will disclose to them after 6 months.
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2018
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  4. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Parents never have devil eyes. You can tell them ASAP and let them decide when they want to come as per their comfort and time.
     
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  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    a mother will never have an evil eye towards her own kid.
    its best if ur mil comes at 9th month and stay with you guys .
    trust me, an experienced woman makes a huge difference in the postpartum period
    my parents came at 9th month and stayed with us for 6 months. i couldnt have managed without them
     
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  6. HazelPup

    HazelPup Platinum IL'ite

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    Congratulations GB! Your mom is an excellent human being a great soul.
    Trust me I have seen parents with twin babies in their newborn period. It’s not at all easy and no matter how much ever you are prepared it would still be demanding.. you would need a lot of help from 9th month to 1 year. It will Be nice to disclose in second trimester to your immediate family. After all if they are coming to help this shouldn’t cause any rift.

    Good luck and All the best.
     
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  7. Greenbay

    Greenbay Gold IL'ite

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    It was in lighter vein as this evil-eye concept was to poke fun at my wife's superstitions. We have dealt with disappointments before but earlier miscarriages were before she completed 13 weeks. This is the first time, the progress has been 21 weeks. So 4.5 more weeks, she will be comfortable to share with her parents and brother I think. (And I don't think they read the posts in this forum)

    My wife was a rationalist like me. But repeated disappointments changed her and turned her in to a theist. I don't want to challenge her beliefs in this delicate period especially when I know how long she has taken to being normal from each disappointment.
     
  8. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    You are a wonderful husband. :wave:. God bless you. Lucky wife
     
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  9. ranju5

    ranju5 Silver IL'ite

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    congratulations to you both. God bless you all
     
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  10. Greenbay

    Greenbay Gold IL'ite

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    Hormones! Woman's hormones! Poor hapless men :)!
    I WFH on Wednesdays and Fridays. Actually, my employer wants most of us to work from WFH to save on office space/cost plus majority of my teammates WFH majority of the times (except when they come to headquarters) since they are located in different parts of the US/India. But I prefer driving to work and working in office because it forces me to be disciplined to take breaks (lunch break, coffee break, restroom break) else I will be stuck to desk all day and don't even move to take some breaks. And while WFH, I don't shower or even change my smelly underwear :). WFH forces you to stare at screen all the time because you never know when one of your higher ups pings you and if you didn't respond within 15 secs, then think that you weren't really working but only staying at home :)

    Wife works in an university in academic field. Summer is usually the lean period in academic field when semesters are done, graduations are done, faculty is (somewhat) free to pursue research activity with more vigor. There are few book committees to attend, few recommendations to write, few grant proposals, along with fall teaching preparation but compared to fall/winter/spring rigor where teaching/grading/answering E-mails takes precedence over all the other activities above, summer is not that hectic.

    But wife was upset today that I get to stay home and she needs to go campus. She is not getting good sleep at nights as the temperatures here are rising; she doesn't like AC, so I tried to offer many suggestions to keep her cool but she didn't like any of them. I even offered I will secure all windows with Indian style wiring around the windows, so we can open all the windows and keep them open and still feel secure. She wasn't listening.

    I pick and drop her on my WFH days, I suggested I can do other 3 days too but she was still upset. She complained why her due date is in October,why it didn't happen earlier so due date could have been in June and she could have stayed with babies much longer. Then she blamed me for the lack of sleep and upset stomach because I cooked sabji (vegetable) tad too spicy yest. night it seems. Then while getting down from the car, she didn't want to say bye to me or wave at me. But now evening while picking up, she is asking why I am so quiet and asking me to drop and pick her on Monday too. Either she is suffering from short term memory loss or her hormones are acting up. I wish she gets good sleep at night and likes my mild Dal Tadka which I cooked before picking her up :). Week 22 over, hope 18 more roll quickly too !
     

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