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Traumatic experience lead to dramatic insight

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by SatiBalachander, Apr 25, 2010.

  1. SatiBalachander

    SatiBalachander New IL'ite

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    [JUSTIFY] The trauma of having a miscarriage and actually seen the fetus, was reason enough to die. For months I have sat with my baby's ultrasound replaying and mutilating every little detail, try to come up with things/excuses that I could have done to stop it. Every Woman who loses a child, feels my pain. You never ever get over it. When people tell you "Oh you will forget as soon as you have other children". I keep thinking "Really! You can forget something like that as soon as you have the another child. But isn't every child special to mother does it matter if it is an embryo or a fully grown adult?:idontgetit:" It is hard for people to understand the condition unless you have gone through with it. "Why me god!", I have asked this a million times. Not to mention that I used some really rosey words :hide: towards the bhaggu and was super mad at him and boycotted anything to do with him. Its not fair, people have to just look at each other to get pregnant and for me i have to try try and try and still not succeed. It was as if bhaggu was trying this experiment on cruelty and I have been this subject. [/JUSTIFY][JUSTIFY]


    I busied myself with work most of the time. Then one day I was getting back from work with DH and listening to the radio. I was not even paying attention to what was playing on there suddenly I heard this voice of a woman with pain, it was as if she was pleading . It was some sort of interview, the interviewer was mentioning that the lady was pleading her to take her child away. It was from Haiti. The one thing that was common between us was the pain, mine having lost the baby and hers pain in her helplessness to take care of her little ones. That incident moved me and almost had tears in my eyes. It made me realize how unfair life was.

    Last year before my loss I had mentioned to one of my friends that I would like to do some volunteering at the Food bank. So she called for help, I could not say no as I had made a commitment. It was one of Bhaggu's center for food distribution. I live in the North American Continent, where there are suppose to be fewer people looking for food or shelter. I was surprised with the amount of people who showed up for the food. So many older people, with younger children and homeless. Yes yes I am getting to the point, No no its not about adoption.


    As I was distributing food at the center, it dawned upon me that we are all the same, we long for something we do not have, let it be children, money, food etc etc., In this process we totally ignore what we have, and how fortunate we are to have what we have. As perverse as it might sound, sh*t happens with everybody. Life is not about having a bed of roses but it is about dealing with the thorns. We get pierced sometimes but we rant, whine and cry our pain out but at the end learn to live with it. Its not that I did not know any of it, of course we all know what is right and what is wrong. Its the process of realization that takes a while. I am not telling you that the pain or grief goes away but just that eventually you learn to live with it. Moving on does not really mean that you forget your experience and go on with life, but it is all about accepting the truth of life. Once you accept it there is no struggle there is nothing further to analyze, you would want to look for something new. It is like ending a page of book and turning to a new page to continue. Like I said earlier, its hard to understand, each one of us will reach this point in our own time and space.


    Your comments are welcome.


    Regards
    Sati ( Yes you can burn me alive ;))






    [/JUSTIFY]
     
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  2. radsahana

    radsahana Silver IL'ite

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    hi sati

    Welcome to the snippets corner. You have started with a bang:thumbsup. This was really a fabulous account of your personal loss, overcoming the grief and making peace with yourself.

    I know the pain you have undergone can be understood, only who have faced similar situation.

    We counts our blessings only when we see around us and find people with more pain and then we realise, we are far better off than them.

    But we are human, and sometimes we do get emotional and it is ok to sometime to cry it out, but at the end we should be stand and able to count our blessings, and things we have rather than what we dont have.

    Very well written. keep writing.
     
  3. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Hello sati,
    I am touched.
    You have undergone a lot of pain. Truely its a fact of life and happened.
    Otherthan forgetting, we can't do anything. Try to be strong and brave.
     
  4. SatiBalachander

    SatiBalachander New IL'ite

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    Hi Radsahana
    Thank you for taking time to read through my post





    Hi Priya_Mommy,
    Thank you for your kind words
    Regards
    Sati
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2010
  5. knot2share

    knot2share Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Sati

    Moving on means learning to accept the truth - I totally am on your side with this. Miscarriage is surely a traumatic experience and you have come out quite strongly from it. I admire your courage. Everything in life is a learning experience and even I have wondered why some fall pregnant at the drop of a hat and others go through so much trial to have a child and some win and some of us lose out there. Surely it seems unfair. Somethings in life don't have an answer. I find this very hard to accept but have no choice but to surrender to this universal statement and move on. Feeling fortunate for what we have and stop looking for what we don't have. A nice philosophy but even here I sometimes wonder if I am trying to console myself at the cost of another person? I feel guilty doing that too.

    Nice write-up and thank you for sharing your experience.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2010
  6. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sati,

    Really touched by your post .I am sorry for your loss and I also know that no amount of consoling can make you feel better .Be positive is all that I can say…This phase too shall pass. All the very best to you.
     
  7. rrathna

    rrathna New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Mother is always a Mother. I lost my son when he was only few days old. This was 30 years back. I still mourn his death alone even my husband does not know I still cry.
    I have another son who is 28 years old now. He cached me crying and asked why, it happened so long ago. I told him that once a mother, always a mother.
    Sorrow and pain will be with me till I die.
     
  8. vidhyalakshmid

    vidhyalakshmid IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Sati,
    I can understand your feelings as I have gone through the pain.
    It is very hard to express those feelings, but you have beautifully done
    that. Even now I remember that the lost soul was part of me and I feel
    connected. But as you rightly said if we accept the truth of life as it is,
    then there will be peace. It is like the end of that page and we should
    never look back, simply keep going! Everything is happening in the universe with a reason, that we don`t know>
     
  9. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sati,

    No, I do not want to burn you at all! Why should anyone want to do that?! Especially, when you write so well and impart some consoling thoughts?

    So sorry to read about what you went through. No, such loss can never be forgotten.

    Pains happen! Who are we to ask why and why me! I have learnt that the hard way. Pain happens and you just bear and get on with life. Some pains are so deep and so harsh, the hurt never leaves. Still, we go on...'When life gets tough, the tough gets going'.

    Right, but how do we get tough?! I have no answer either..only..somehow one gets tough.

    It is always good to remember and see the glass half full than half empty. Yep, there are plenty of sayings, we just have to keep repeating them to ourselves. After all, life does go on...

    L, Kamla

    Hmmm.........as you see, you got me into a very contemplative mood!
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2010
  10. contented

    contented Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Sati,

    Your post was so touching yaar. Really sorry that you had to go through all this pain.

    Love,

    -C
     

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