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tortured by dil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by imnmil, Apr 28, 2015.

  1. butterflyice

    butterflyice Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for the video, will watch it.

    Have to read up more about Finland. The only things I know about Finland are Stockholm, Stockholm syndrome, Nokia, Vikings (do they belong to Sweden only?) and the awesome education system.

    @Goodie, fresh air always puts babies to sleep :) In India when I wanted to put my babies to sleep, I would go for a walk carrying them, they would be asleep in no time. In villages, people would tie these cloth cradles to trees and swing babies. Same effect.

    Like @Crayoness says, they tend to sleep better and longer.
     
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  2. butterflyice

    butterflyice Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank You! You made my day!
     
  3. butterflyice

    butterflyice Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    Oops, that ought to read Helsinki and Helsinki Olympics! Sorry.
     
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  4. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Is it worthwhile responding to Imnmil at this stage? I am not sure why she used past tense in her second sentence about her family loving and accepting DIL. I don't see anything in her post that amounts to torture. It looks like Imnmil doesn't take no as an answer. What is wrong in a brother and his wife expecting his adult sister to manage her married life situation on her own?

    By the way, I am curious to know whether this post created record number of responses.

    Viswa
     
    2 people like this.
  5. butterflyice

    butterflyice Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    A headache might well be a brain tumour. But all headaches are not brain tumours. Someone might want to look and treat all heaches as brain tumours. Pointing out that the headache might only be a headache and not a brain tumour unless you know the reasons is not frivolous. Its called common sense. Treating all headaches as brain tumours is frivolous.

    When a man/woman says he prefers to have a boy, it does not mean they support or commit female infanticide. They could have n number of reasons, all valid reasons at that. A mom born with 8 sisters could expect to have a boy without any criminal intent. Just like a man born with 8 brothers can look forward to having a girl.

    Someone can have all girls and still "regret" not having a son due to many reasons. I have seen several examples of such people who treat their daughters with much love and affection but still miss that son. I have seen a roadside chaiwallah and a goldshop owner, both from different income levels, both having 4 and 5 daughters, both treating their daughters with immense love, educating and marrying them off and ruing the lack of son to carry on the business. I have argued with them about their daughters continuing the business. For the chaiwallah, given the location of his shop, its not possible. The goldshop owner, cannot expect his daughters' help as they are helping their respective husbands in their own businesses. Must we then accuse all these people of being criminals or say they don't treat women right because they desire a son?

    Treating every MIL/DIL issue as a women's right issue is not right. Most often they are clashes of egos which can be set right with the participation of both parties.

    The first time that infanticide was mentioned in this thread was as a response to children accepting responsibility for their parents' old age. When the children are all grown up and have good lives, why accuse the parents of infanticide? What is the connection?

    Treating every disagreement/issue between 2 generations and making it seem as grave as something heinous as female infanticide is very similar to treating every headache as a tumor. This is a gross injustice to those little lives lost. That is frivolous.

    The Holocaust was a terrible tragedy. Should we then accuse every German to being an accomplice to this horror? Does German culture advocate concentration camps? More recently the media is full of news associating terrorism with a particular religion. Does the religion propagate terrorism? I do not buy that just as I do not buy that Indian culture advocates female infanticide. Saying this does not make me frivolous or not acknowledge infanticide. It means I acknowledge the horrors of infanticide but do not associate it as being perpetrated by every Indian on the face of earth.
     
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  6. butterflyice

    butterflyice Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    This video is pretty neat, innovative presentation. Thanks for the link.

    The problem with India is that it still stays in the $4000 range but the lifespan has increased to the 75 years range. And it also suffers from all the anomalies that China suffers from in terms of income distribution across geographies.

    See how the bubbles literally jump for Europe post industrialisation. I have big reasons to believe that a large part of this development happened at the cost of the colonies in Asia and Africa. Asia and Africa now have no colonies, have much bigger populations and that's why I think that the current model of industrialisation that worked for America/Europe in the 19th century will not work anymore. But that's for another thread.

    I loved watching the video.
     
  7. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    @butterflyice exactly my point. why should all cases get linked to generalized theories,assumptions.. that is one of the things that makes me feel sad.

    like this thread where a girl has to start preparing for moving with her wouldbe mil who will be her mil in end 2016..seriously the influence of the forum feels like a too much of a double edged sword..awareness is good, but obsession is wrong/bad for health..knowing what are the symptoms and how to tackle those are different, then starting on the thought that this will be the disease, let me have all the treaments for this on my table pronto for reference.

    All said, has been a healthy discussion though op is not available for further feedbacks.
     
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  8. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Nobody saying every indian go for infanticide if thet dont have a son....many people wish for a son but have daughters....for them also son is a must but they know female foeticide is ethically morally legally wrong and dont go for it....but still they think tht one shuld have a son....
    now many people go for female foeticide because they think same tht son is a must....while many people get saved not doing foeticide because on ultrasound check they find they have a boy....many first kid is boy....
    now no generalization tht people who have a boy thinks tht boy is must and will go for foeticide if they dont have boy....
    now reason behind foeticide is thinking tht son is must....i am not saying this ....google baba saying it....
    indian culture doesnt advocate female foeticide.....in hindu religion abortion is compared to cow killing brahmin killing or killing one's own parents....
    but cultural practices are such tht people think son is must and some choose for foeticide....

    In west problem of sex selection is not thr ....this is my thinking only because they dont have any benefit having son over daughter...

    Summary is: when people think tht son is must ....not neccessary they treat woman bad or go for female foeticide....
    But when people go for female foeticide they have this thinking tht son is must...
    many force woman to bear more children for son and end up having 4-5 daughters and some spoiling their financial condn....and also woman health because of bearing children....some dont treat their daughter equal to son....me not saying...google baba is saying....i have seen such people frm my eyes too...
    gud and bad both r there .....focusing only on gud and imaginig the severty of bad has gone low because i am doing gud is not correct...
    ofvourse i can change onlt myself ....but after tht i can not say issue resolved....at least i cant close my eyes...
     
  9. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    I got completely hooked on those Rosling videos. There are interesting videos on world population, poverty etc. And always with interesting visualations.

    Do not know how much colonlalism impacted as only a few european countries had colonies.
     
  10. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Crayoness,

    one question .

    I stumbled across kela.fi. Looks like there are child benefits in finland for every child.

    Is it applicable based on income like US or just every child. Looks like they receive the amount every month till they grow up to 17.i luv the kela box .. Too good.

    With so much maternity leave I would love to be in Finland anytime except language may be.
     

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