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Toddler, working parents - Tensions at home

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by friend, Jul 12, 2010.

  1. friend

    friend New IL'ite

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    We are working parents with a toddler at home who is 2 yrs old.

    We are unable to handle the pressure built up at home. Weekdays after we return from work, its cooking, washing, feeding our child, next day office prep and go to bed.
    Weekends, it all house work, shopping, laundry, other planning, calling india ect etc.
    Between all this I am getting too stressed out and not able to control my anger. Upon that My husband does not understand small small things and I get irritated even more and we start yelling at each other. Generally its me who has to yell more coz my husband does not understand or acknowledge his weakness or mistakes.
    I am not able to draw a line and say if it is coz of my husbands weakness or due to my over reaction.

    I feel we are missing in some place.
    I get frustrated coz I am unable to spend time with my child and my husband. I keep planning on routines to make sure we have some quality time in the family but it fails after 2 days.

    My child is being affected with all this.

    Please help.


  2. soumya234

    soumya234 Platinum IL'ite

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    I guess there are posts related to ur topic in IL.I am no expert but as I read you can try making dinner on weekends for 2-3 weekdays ahead and store in freezer.That way you can avoid cooking for dinner atleast for some days and spend time with ur kid.
    I don't know how much this helps.Sorry:hide:
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2010
  3. cuties

    cuties Bronze IL'ite

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    I know with working parents, life can be difficult. I would suggest you to make a list of things and then prioritize the things, you don't have to worry about not so imp things, they can be postponed. You also need to let some things go, for example if the house is not perfectly clean, its ok, if you cook 2 dishes rather than 3 its ok. Also maybe in your routine, you can keep 1 hour or more if you like for your child. Say when you pick up your child and get home, spend 1 hour with him/her and not think about pending work. You don't have to do elaborate cooking or you can cook for 2-3 days at a time, or if you can afford hire a cook and a maid or once in a while get food from outside.

    Once in a while you can take off from work and finish your pending works.

    Also next time you are forced to yell, think of what else can you do before yelling to solve the problem. Remember you need to practice what you preach. If you want your child to be peaceful and happy, you have to emulate that behavior.

    This is the best age of your child when they learn to talk, so enjoy it as much as possible.
    Hope it helps Good Luck :thumbsup
  4. Priyaalagu

    Priyaalagu Silver IL'ite

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    Dera Friend..................u exactly read my mind. Only diff s my son s 4.5yrs old but beleive me how much ever older they grow nothing changes its all the same. I tried ways to work it out but the last its our health which gets spoiled, so relax urself & take care of ur health which is more important.

    We too have arguments & yell at each other for silly things like ex: even if i am n the kitched busy cooking my DH keeps watching TV & my son beside me in the kitchen distrubing me & he will never bother about whats going around..............this is what they are all about......:bonk
  5. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    I found respite in following :
    1) Hiring a cook
    2) Hiring a part time nanny
    3) giving grocery list to DH along with atleast one child.
    4) Sleep at home with kids is barely 6hrs at a stretch, hence post lunch retiring room at work for 10-15 mins when really tired or horrible back ache.
    5) Frequent glucose/ juice glasses...
    6) Tried with taking a few days off to rest, however with "child unwell" leaves outnumbering, slowed on it.

    All these builds up happen when a person is not getting 8hr sleep and huge physical strain.. the brain starts slowing & irritable. If possible take a week -10days off to get over with the current built up.. and drop the child at daycare and rest for a while.
  6. ptamil2007

    ptamil2007 Gold IL'ite

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    I too am in the exact same situation as you are
    Both working with a 2 year old, week day evenings are for cooking, washing etc.
    Weekends are for India calling, grocery shopping, cleaning etc..
    I went to the heights of depression with these and now I am recovering.
    I did research the net over a lot of planning things, working parents etc.
    The following is working for me>
    1.Eveyr day during my work time, I spend about 20 minutes in IL forums. This way it is ME time and I really do feel better to vent out, to read other posts.
    2. Every friday I make a Weekly Meal Plan of what I am going to cook for the whole week. I am attaching a sample of my plan in this post.
    3. I do not clean or mop the floor every day I do it on Tuesday and Friday only.
    4 Every alternate Weekend, I vaccum the house
    5. Laundry is done on Wednesdays and Sundays
    6. Saturdays generally we go out and Sunday is relaxing day
    7. I get up early the same time as weekdays on weekends too. I prepare all the necessary meal items on sunday morning.
    8. I do not cook the entire stuff, but cut vegetables, boil potatoes, soak tamarind paste, make onion/tomato for gravy subzi, things which are actually time consuming is done on sunday mornings
    9. Sunday afternoon I generally take a nap for my own rest.
    10. On week days evenings, after coming home I plunge into cooking immediately and I do allow my Son to watch TV for 1 hour. My cooking is done within that time
    11. My husband comes home, we have snacks and sit and talk together for half an hour, play with my son
    12. Then his routine of feeding him, bathing him, getting him ready for bed begins
    1 person likes this.
  7. iparis

    iparis Silver IL'ite

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    i have a two year old son... but he is quite a handful
    when he was four months old i joined office.
    i had to keep a maid for him for office time to take care of him.
    and i was really terrified even at the thought of this.
    i employed that maid one month before i joined office so that i can train her and observe her.
    i used to put a spy cam in the baby room so that i can see the daily recordings..
    The bigger problem was that none of my family members or inlaws were 'free' that they could come and stay with us turn by turn.
    and to top of it all.. we are a hindi family living in a core telegu place where people dont understand even a little bit of hindi.. and we dont know telegu.
    every evening when i would come from office i would find my baby with his nappies wet and the maid was busy watching TV.

    One day when i came home one of my frends who was a doctor at the company hospital and was looking for a maid too... called me and said that my maid went to her home when i was in office and took my baby along.. she was asking for work.
    My frend's husband turned her down after he recognized my kid .. and immediately informed my hubby.
    It was that day when the limits were crossed for me. i wanted to literally kill her. Not because she went to ask for work at some other place. But because it was the second time she took my baby out of my house without my permission and knowledge. (the first time she was warned and left alone when she took my son to her sister in law's house telling me that she was taking him to play in park. The park is just nearby my house. i get a full view of it from my balcony. and she did not returned for 2 hrs.
    Then i caught hold of another lady who worked at my neighbour's place and she told me the address to her relative's house. and i caught my maid there with my son.

    i was really terrified of the guts that this horrible lady had.

    the maid's frends and family were becoming frequent in my home. and i got more and more suspicious of my maid. (I had the video recordings as proof) she was so careless.
    One day the maid's hudband came to our house and created a lot of drama regarding the money. She always used to take her salary in advance. but we had no problem with that..

    I was constantly telling my husband all this time that we should start looking for another maid. But my hubby asked me to be patient. he thinks that i riush things and then make my life difficult.

    she was taking too much leaves. every second day either one of her children were sick or she had to attend some ceremony. and i was the only one suffering from this. i was being very infrequent at my office. My husband never used to stay at home when the maid was absent.

    But that day when the maid's husband came to our house, it was the limit even for my hubby.
    He showed them the door...
    and that was it .. the end of her story.

    but another story began thereafter... maid hunting.
    i was on indefinite leave.... every second day we were talking to someone for the maid's work.
    but things were not turning out well.
    eventually after one month passed and i did not attend office... i eventually asked my husband to stay at home for a few days.
    and he agreed.
    and finally within two days time we found this nice old lady.. who was ready to work at our house with whatever money we offered.
    and its been 8 months she has been working at my home.
    taking care of my son and me and my home...
    maids like her are a blessing in disguise for working women like me
    1 person likes this.
  8. minimalist

    minimalist Senior IL'ite

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    Ptamil2007, excellent suggestions.
    But I cant find your meal plan, can you post them for me, please?
  9. sumanr

    sumanr Silver IL'ite

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    ptamil - Excellent suggestions!!
  10. swaran

    swaran IL Hall of Fame

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    too scary ...

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