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Today's fight...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by klniha, Apr 6, 2012.

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  1. Apr 6, 2012 #1
    klniha

    klniha Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi everyone,

    I have been posting some of my probs here and most of the time I feel after reading the replies (wch makes me feel less burdensome as I need to change) that I am at fault but I also feel may be I dint give a correct picture to y'all abt how my DH is. I thought I will tell u wat happened today...After reading this tell me what's going wrong in our relationship.

    My DH was abt to recharge his mobile. I just picked and saw the recharge card. On seeing it, I knew that he spoke to his parents for 1hr from office that morning so he must've emptied the balance and so recharging. How do I know he spoke to his parents? I checked the phone account in the morning, I always do that coz he hides from me when he speaks to his parents nd I don't want him to do that but he (I feel) wants to have private talks with them wen I'm not around which makes me feel bad. I had issues with MIL but yes I'm done with it, he doesn't seem to believe, I don't kno watever reason but he hides his talks with parents.
    So back to the incident, without me commenting anything he said, this is the card I bought yday , I dint recharge it yet (as if I askd him if he emptied the ydays one so bought a new one, wch must be the truth). I suggested him to talk on landline as this recharge is very expensive and costing him almost 10$ an hour etc. He said ok and agreed to wat I said and went to the bathroom, there he murmured something abt talking on the phone and me, I cudnt hear clearly but something like as if I'm poking into his phone usage and recharges. I asked him wat he said, he said he was singing something!!! I laughed and went back. But I knew he is lying so asked him again and asked him to promise on me and he did!!! He said ' u r being paranoid' I told u I was singing! I got angry as to why he had to lie for such a silly thing, I was serious and he kept on saying things like, y r u making small things an issue, don't I have freedom to do anything etc... I said I am bothered tat he lied. He said I can't tell u wat I said, u make an issue out of everything, y do u come nd ask me everything? I was stunned. Wats his problem? Or did I really make a big issue out of something but I can't sleep with the fact tat he lied and he murmured something abt me wch he doesn't want to tell, If he can't tell me , y cudnt he think in his mind y did he have to speak out, i feel he is out of his mind. Such things are countless, he acts foolish and this bugs me. I lose my temper nd feel like crying and wen I cry he loses his temper, he says things like u r not a good character, not a good woman, wch hurts me a lot, normally I say things back to him but chose to be silent today.

    These hurt me to the extent of leaving him but for my LO. Otherwise he is fine but such issue and fights are countless over and I think it's his behavior problem and his fault each time, I feel I married an immature guy. So now I posted one of the most typical fights we had, now am I wrong or is my DH or am I really creating a big issue out of nothing? How do I change or how do I make DH change. Pls analyze and post ur opinions. Thank you for reading.
     
    klniha, Apr 6, 2012
    klniha, Apr 6, 2012
    #1
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  2. Apr 6, 2012 #2
    Pranjjal

    Pranjjal Gold IL'ite

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    Formula - If anyone wants to defeat there in-laws try to be in good books of your husband.

    Let them talk for an hour,2hr,3hr,4hr u feel she is poisoning ur hubby's mind against u whatever it is she can not change the fact that u r her son's life-partner LoL.

    This is for them who can not live there life in peace by thinking about In-laws acts. The key is I don't care what they do! Live and let live.........:coffee
     
    Pranjjal, Apr 6, 2012
    Pranjjal, Apr 6, 2012
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  3. Apr 6, 2012 #3
    rkgurbani

    rkgurbani IL Hall of Fame

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    Why do you bother about what your DH speaks with his folks? You know in your heart that you have done no wrong, so why would you want to know what he says to them. After all, they are his parents. Just as pranjal above has mentioned, be in your DH's goodbooks where his parents are concerned. Your life is with your DH, why do u worry abt ur in-laws.
    You can also share the same space with your parents and you might not like it if your DH asks you about it and what you speak to them etc etc.

    Cool it friend. Its his family. Your life is your DH and your LO. So ignore all this and carry on your life. SMILES dear
     
    rkgurbani, Apr 6, 2012
    rkgurbani, Apr 6, 2012
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  4. Apr 6, 2012 #4
    cutemonster

    cutemonster Platinum IL'ite

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    oh my dear klniha !
    i think i have read almost all of ur post and i have very blunt and rude at times , because i always felt u did not have much issues in ur life !!!
    still u know , i just feel like telling u , relax dear !!!! i know u r very stressed , ur husband works long hours and u have a active baby , its well natural to be frustrated . and yeah about ur in laws , good u have made peace with them , but let me tell u , the fights we have with in laws are not like the ones with our parents or family and friends . with them both they as well as us can think afresh and forget the petty fights but its not so with inlaws , for them u r a dil , they will not easily forget what u said and even ur dh wont.
    u just need to know what thing , what ever may be no one can deny the fact that he is living with u and u r his wife and most imp the mother of his kid !! he will never have the same bond with anyone as he can with u !
    let him talk to them for 10 hours , dont bother , dont ask . if he calls from landline then u also have talk and may be few things wont be comfortable for u. its good to keep an eye on ur husband but dont interfere so much that he feels chocked. he is doing his duty as a dh in good way na, he loves ur LO , right, so let it be !
    enjoy ur life , u r lucky its only phone talks , u dont have to live and face them if u dont like .
    and dont nag him, i know it hurts when ur dh keeps a secret from u , i have faced it but i have learnt no point in spoiling my peace of mind over it.
    dont cry , it serves no good , u need to preserve ur energy to bring up ur LO nicely , dont waste it .
    u say he is fine except the fights , right ? so if u think u r married to a immature guy , u become the mature partner , if both will be immature life will be fights and issues only.
     
    cutemonster, Apr 6, 2012
    cutemonster, Apr 6, 2012
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  5. Apr 6, 2012 #5
    klniha

    klniha Bronze IL'ite

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    Pranjjal,
    But wats my DHs prob? Y is he murmuring things and trying vent out things on me. How do I be in his good books? He murmurs things all the time wen frustrated wch frustrates me.
     
    klniha, Apr 6, 2012
    klniha, Apr 6, 2012
    #5
  6. Apr 6, 2012 #6
    rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    First of all,are you giving him money for recharge?Does he not earn? If it is his money,he can do anything! Anyone will get annoyed and say the same.."Its my money..I will do as I like".
    Secondly,as above posters mentioned..you cannot control what he does and how long he talks.give space or else you are creating troubles for yourself.If there is something they gossip,you will cross the bridge when you get to it.
     
    rose8282, Apr 6, 2012
    rose8282, Apr 6, 2012
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  7. Apr 6, 2012 #7
    klniha

    klniha Bronze IL'ite

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    Hehe it's funny, I thought at least this time people will come up saying ur DH shunt have reacted tat way! But one ques, do u all think tats the reason y he murmured coz he knows inside tat I m trying to tel him to save money and speak from landline?

    Rose8282, it's his money but DH and wife relation can't work tat way right? My money so I'll do anythin I want, who r u to ask? Etc it shunt be tat way.
     
    klniha, Apr 6, 2012
    klniha, Apr 6, 2012
    #7
  8. Apr 6, 2012 #8
    Pranjjal

    Pranjjal Gold IL'ite

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    You r trying to bother him and that's why he murmured. Good that he murmurs lol don't argue with you. Come on, don't make a mountain out of a molehill. It's not that important.
     
    Pranjjal, Apr 6, 2012
    Pranjjal, Apr 6, 2012
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  9. Apr 6, 2012 #9
    aaral

    aaral Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Klniha,
    When he said nothing the first time, no matter how many times you ask. He still would not have replied. You should have let it go at that. You are an adult so is he. If he wants to talk 1 or 10 hours let him. When he sees you have no problems with it he will not hide it from you. Marriage is like two wheel on the road of life but even the wheels have some space between them. Give him and yourself some space.
     
    aaral, Apr 6, 2012
    aaral, Apr 6, 2012
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  10. Apr 6, 2012 #10
    deepa10

    deepa10 Gold IL'ite

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    If i was in your position, I shall let him murmur, (poor guy, let him do that atleast, since he cant talk in front of me!! ). He was actually worried that you might argue abt him talking to his parents and that s why he hides. So, now your silly fights will make him hide more. How will you get his trust back? When he says, he got this card yesterday, (which is not he truth), smile at him and tell its ok even if buys a card daily, he is talking to his parents only, there is nothing wrong in that!! Dont involve money and leave it as it is..
    Dont see the logs and dont question him about recharging for few days.. This is a small issue and I am sure you could have avoided this argument...
     
    deepa10, Apr 6, 2012
    deepa10, Apr 6, 2012
    #10
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