To work or not to work!

On a long term basis, specially if it is voluntary- No!
If it is something that he wants for the purpose of enhancing his resume, I will support him just as he supports me.
I know of stay at home dads but it is difficult for me to digest. Its not an absolute no-no....because love and difficult situations makes you do all sorts of things.

 

Would I have considered marrying a guy who would love to stay at home to take care of kids and home?

I don't think that would have cleared "approved by parent" stage in our arranged marriage!

Although every now and then, hub wants to hang up his boots and stay home. Would I support him if he wanted to quit ... sure (I think - one cannot be definite until walking in those shoes!) ....but I know he would be equally frustrated SAHD! Not his cuppa tea. So every now and then I get an implicit :bowdown from him :thumbsup

 

How about the reversal of the idea that the instead of primary income earner's parents, the primary care givers parents live with them. Makes much more sense to me. So, if the wife is a housewife, her parents can live with them, and she can look after them, spend all the time with them, entertain them, and when the husband comes home in the evening she can be with her husband. Similarly, for the househusband, his parents live with them. There will be fewer conflict and better care giving this way.

 

Its the mindset from god knows whenever... men step out to earn a living and women take care of house and family. Even if a man were to choose to be SAHD - he is going to be looked down upon by our male chauvinistic society - "biwi ka paisa kha raha hai" - translating to "he has no self respect". That itself is motivating factor for most men. Most won't see how he excels at managing home.

This factor doesn't really apply to females. Its ok for us to choose the "char diwari" as our world. For us girls, the motivating factor comes from wanting to be career oriented or family and not because their is an expectation from the society at large. If you want to work ... good/ If you don't work ...still good.

This year, hub took the kids to India earlier and I was to join them later... Everyone was wondering if he could manage them without me? I was like why not? He is pretty much involved in everything we do here and he can take care of our chinu-minnu if I am not around. I got dialogs like "hats of to him" .... "wow he can really do that" and some mildly disapproving ones "ma to ma hoti hai" !!! Mindset JAG....it's what has been interwoven in our thinking from early on.

Until the expectation that "men have to work..relates to self respect...not nikamma" changes, SAHD is not going to be accepted easily.

Even here, dads who stay home are looked at "wow he is taking care home and kids" and that's because women are taken to be primary homemaker (working outside or not) and not men. Again it comes down to mindset.

 

no i never said the wife can be abusive, neither of the partners should be abusive.

this was in reply to ajith,please read his post. he said that the hubdands who are abusive to their wives, only want some respect from them

so he is trying to defend their abusive act by saying that it is because of their wives treating them like a doormat.

so i just said that that should not give somebody the liberty of abusing their partner.

it could either be the wife or the husband

and how can he be so sure that all husbands who abuse their wives only do that because the wives treat them like a doormat, there are alot of psycho men out there who whip their wives for no reason.

 

My mom supported the family for 1 year when dad decided to take a break for college. We were staying in a small village and dad was on unpaid leave. I haven't heard a single negative comment about it.

DH had told me before marriage that he wants to start business that might not be well paying right from the start and I was totally ok with it. But then I have to accept the fact that he would still be working and not just stay at home.
In any case, if he is not happy working, wants to take a break, indulge in some other hobby, I would be happy taking on as primary earner. I am qualified and experienced not for showcasing my certificates but for using them.
But I would still love to have a choice. I would not be too happy if I have to work even when I don't want to.
The fact that he is good at taking care of home, cooking, children makes choices easy too.
And as freespirit mentioned, none of us would be happy out of work for long.

Vaidehi