To work or not to work!

justanothergirl · Nov 2, 2012

A fb I saw in the forum about working women and their freedom to choose prompted this..
No this thread is not about women having the choice.That old horse has been beaten to death...my question is "For all the fight about equality ,how ready are we to grant that choice to our husbands ? "
Lets say a few years into ur marriage and couple of kids hubby dear comes home either burnt out from corporate culture OR wants to go back to school for a career change OR just wants to chill at home and spend more time with children.

Would that scare the living day lights out of you or will you take it in ur stride and let him follow his heart ?
You could be a SAHM or a working mom .How does the thought of being the primary breadwinner with a stay at home dad sound to you?

Would you have considered marrying a guy who would love to stay at home to take care of kids and home?

Ajith · Nov 2, 2012

Nope. It works only one way. Only women have a choice of 'To Work or Not to Work'. Equality disappears into thin air when this question arises. Men (Indian or not) have been breadwinners for centuries and women have been taking care of the household. It is very difficult to reverse the roles. If the kids are older than 8 years, then it is not difficult to manage them. I suggested this to my wife who can easily find a job but she didn't agree. I am confident I can take care of the kids, homework, cooking, laundry in addition to working part time (20 hours a week), but you know - rain or shine men have to go to work. No escape from that.

Saumyamom · Nov 2, 2012

No , i don't think so I would appreciate my husband doing it permanently,if he were to take a temp break I might support him with some planning and a sufficient notice. Thats a very good question though

helpmeangel · Nov 2, 2012

hi JAG,

Though the prospect of my DH staying at home seems scary, I would allow it only if I know that we are financially secure and do not need any more money to survive and take care of our kids. I will not want to shoulder the full burden knowing that we need to live pay check to pay check, though I know I can.

So if we have enough money, who knows, we both will take an early break from work!

justanothergirl · Nov 2, 2012

Ajith said: ↑

Nope. It works only one way. Only women have a choice of 'To Work or Not to Work'. Equality disappears into thin air when this question arises. Men (Indian or not) have been breadwinners for centuries and women have been taking care of the household. It is very difficult to reverse the roles. If the kids are older than 8 years, then it is not difficult to manage them. I suggested this to my wife who can easily find a job but she didn't agree. I am confident I can take care of the kids, homework, cooking, laundry in addition to working part time (20 hours a week), but you know - rain or shine men have to go to work. No escape from that.
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Hi Ajith
Thanks for sharing a male perspective on this. I have often felt that men would love that choice too and not many have it actually.
Edit . I have seen instances of a SAHD in my previous company. Both women were senior execs married to their high school sweethearts and they seemed quite comfortable with it. Both were non-Indian .

apaasn · Nov 2, 2012

We will need to work things out,bills,mortgages etc etc but if he badly wants something I will let him pursue his dreams.
I would help him achieve his dreams and not tie him with cliches.

FreeSpirit20 · Nov 2, 2012

Well, I would not like either of us to be permanently out of work. I'm not sure how I'd feel if my husband badly wants a break and be SAHD, but I believe we should plan even that scenario well and I might have to agree if he needs it.

As of now, I'm looking for work and he works full time. But our plan is when I get to work, he'll join school, which I want him to because I know it was his dream.

coolwinds · Nov 2, 2012

to me this is not a question of equality or finance, it's about competence. show me you can do a good, no, scratch that, a great job raising the children and you can manage the home front as well. if yes, you are qualified for the job.

btw, there are a great many bai's/maids in India that are working women whose husbands' sole job is to stay home and ask her for drink "allowance". :roll:

Rihana · Nov 2, 2012

For a defined time like 2-3 years, yes. For a long term - no.

The way we are, our natures, our marriage so far, what would suit us both for long term is both work, only he works or we get suddenly rick and neither works.

Would you have considered marrying a guy who would love to stay at home to take care of kids and home?
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Hard to say. I looked down on women who didn't work until I chose that myself. Can't imagine whether or not I would have considered marrying a guy like that. Maybe if a hunk? Dunno...

justanothergirl · Nov 2, 2012

FreeSpirit20 said: ↑

Well, I would not like either of us to be permanently out of work. I'm not sure how I'd feel if my husband badly wants a break and be SAHD, but I believe we should plan even that scenario well and I might have to agree if he needs it.

As of now, I'm looking for work and he works full time. But our plan is when I get to work, he'll join school, which I want him to because I know it was his dream.
Click to expand...

I can see where you are coming from....I work ..you work .. I take breaks and so can you but not all the time .Seems fair enough.