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To women here with cosisters

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Malyatha, Jan 12, 2008.

  1. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    Please share your experiences.

    How is your relationship with your BIL & co-sister?

    Is this BIL an older BIL or younger?

    Is the co-sister older than you or younger?

    If you are the first DIL (or you got married first), how did you react when you were told that your BIL was getting married? Did you feel happy? Anxious? Were you worried about how your relationship with your inlaws will change?

    Were you close to your BIL before he got married? Did you continue being close to him after he got married?
    Or did your relationship with your BIL change after his marriage??

    Are you close to your cosister? Do you trust her? Do you have the same problems with your inlaws?

    Or do you not like her?

    Should a man's relationship with his brother and brother's wife change after his own marriage? Who should the man's priority now be? If his wife does not like his brother's family, should the man force her to have a relationship / friendship with them anyway?

    Please share your experiences and I will share a real life situation. I don't want to bias any of you first, and will post after reading about your situations.

    Thanks
     
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  2. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    hi malyatha,
    i have been married for nearly 5 yrs.i have a cosister who is older than me & has been married for nearly 17 yrs.before they used to stay in different town ,but a yr before my marriage they shifted back with inlaws.we live in different city.
    my relations with her r very good all thanks to her .she made me feel very welcome in my inlaws place when i came after marriage.though she is introvert person but i too am not in habit to speak much ,so when we r together we get along fine.
    she has never badmouthed my MIL & FIL . i also took clue from her & have never uttered anything bad about then to her.
    somethings i do not like about her like she never phones me but i tend to overlook these as her positives r many.well,i am prudent enough to know that as we meet only for few days in one yr our relations r fine.if we had been together they may not have been this pleasant.
    overall i am happy to have a good co-sister & do hope she also thinks about me the same way.
    pragati
     
    sindmani likes this.
  3. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    I have an elder co sister. She was married to my husband's brother 4-5 yrs before me.I dont live with my in laws but abroad. She does. Its just pleasantries with her. Sometimes she just insults me and I just keep away from her.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2008
  4. punjabi kuri

    punjabi kuri New IL'ite

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    Hi

    My husband has an elder brother and they got married 4 years before us. Since day 1 things haven't felt right between my sister in law and I. She has always been quite rude and abrupt to me when it is the immediate family and her family around. I don't actually know what I have done to upset her that she hasn't liked me from day 1 but due to other problems that we have been through I have stopped talking to her.... she has apologised for what she did but then went ahead and started to lying to my fil & mil about things i said and did to her (total lies) and in the end i got so fed up i just gave up speaking to her and visiting her house. My husband didn't get involved when his brother and sister in law were being nasty to me - he preferred to stay out of it but was never nasty to me. He knew what was going on but didn't have the courage to stand up and say the truth but I told him I would never stand for injustice against me or my kids. It has been 6 years since we have spoken. I would like to say i am happy with my kids and husband but still feel sad that i don't get along with my sister in law and it's a shame because my husband only has 1 brother. What to do.....
     
  5. corallux

    corallux Bronze IL'ite

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    HI all,

    My Bil & Co-Sis got married 2 years before us. Things were fine when she went to wrk & I was at hme.Things changed when I decided to go out & wrk & she had to sit at home to look after her kid. A big politician, she has successfully seperated my Hubby & me from the sisters.

    My parents-in-law are no more.She felt she cld control the house & even told all sorts of lies on me to my mum.We have no contact with each other & guess what, I do not care as I have good friends.

    Yep I did feel bad as Hubby's family has been split by her behaviour.As my parents consoled me: You cannot have good relatives & friends.I meet my inlaws for half an hour when I visit India & make sure I speak only general topics.

    I feel comming to Oz has given me a peace of mind I never had in India.

    Cheers,
    Corallux
     
  6. ceci_anu

    ceci_anu New IL'ite

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    help need

    Need some help regarding wet grinder purchase where can i get one/Ceci new user
     
  7. Priya77

    Priya77 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I have a co-sister who is younger to me by couple of years. They stay in US while we are in India .. Right from the beginning we have maintained a good relation. We are not very close or friendly but at the same time we have no problems with each other. We wish or call each other on ocassions like Bdays or festivals while the brothers (mine and hers hubby) call each other very often.

    Everytime they come to india they stay at our home for a week or so and I try and make them as comfy as possible. Cook something she likes .. take her out for shopping etc. She too everytime gets gifts for me and my son from US.

    One good thing I learnt from her is to keep smiling ..no matter what ! She maintains a sweet smile even when she is upset . I too do the same ..this lightens our mood !
     
    sindmani likes this.
  8. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Malyatha,

    My case is also similar to Priya...BIl & co-sis are in US. Initially for a couple of years we were all together in a joint family...then they shifted to US and 3 yrs back we moved to Pune as our business shifted here.

    Currently they are here and had come to Pune for 4 days...we took good care of them arranged outings, dinner etc. When they were to leave gave them appropriate gifts from our side. But then for sure we are not too close or great pals...and probably no one bad mouths each other.

    Both the brothers talk quite often.

    All in all its an amicable relationship. And i and my husband follow one rule i.e

    We have to do our best and not seek anything in return forget the good turn that you have done to others....we show our samskar...if we also start behaving ill with other...then what is the difference between them and us. This goes for all human beings not just relatives.

    Warm regards
    Roopa.
     
  9. hemchi

    hemchi Silver IL'ite

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    1) How is your relationship with your BIL & co-sister?
    -> Cordial

    2) Is this BIL an older BIL or younger?
    -> Older

    3) Is the co-sister older than you or younger?
    -> older

    4) If you are the first DIL (or you got married first), how did you react when you were told that your BIL was getting married? Did you feel happy? Anxious? Were you worried about how your relationship with your inlaws will change?
    -> I'm the youngest. And inlaws live with us.

    5) Were you close to your BIL before he got married? Did you continue being close to him after he got married?
    Or did your relationship with your BIL change after his marriage??
    -> N/A

    6) Are you close to your cosister? Do you trust her? Do you have the same problems with your inlaws?
    -> Not all that close to the co-sister...but we have similar problems with the inlaws..minor ones. With respect to the inlaws matter, yes I can trust.

    7) Or do you not like her?
    -> Its that I dont like her...but some of her qualities like laziness and the competitve attitude.

    8) Should a man's relationship with his brother and brother's wife change after his own marriage? Who should the man's priority now be? If his wife does not like his brother's family, should the man force her to have a relationship / friendship with them anyway?
    -> In my case, during the first year, hubby's relation with his brother or sil did not change. The second year, we made a wrong decision of staying together and that's when things changed. This bil and co-sis did not help in any of the household chores, in taking care of inlaws nor in bills payment, etc; me(pregnant at that time) and my hubby were literally slogging throughout the day though all of us were working. After my baby's birth, hubby took a strong decision of living separately...this was not well-received from the bil's family. But now, things are better. Hubby felt after marriage, his responsibility towards wife and kid is more and he did not force me for a good relationship with his brother's family as such. He had very well realized who was doing what in the house.
    But we both believed in treating them well after separation and this has been quite fruitful. Now the only aspect that we are dealing with is, my bil's family's competitive attitude...for eg, comparing our childrens' developmental milestones, if we go to a hillstation for a vacation, they'll follow the suit, if I do some pooja they'll do something similar ... Hmm! Well hubby says, they've made us the rolemodel here :queen.

    Now curious to know the incident that you are about to post...

    -Hema
     
  10. Amicable

    Amicable Senior IL'ite

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    My relationship with B
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2008

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