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To what extent?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by JustAni, Jan 6, 2009.

  1. JustAni

    JustAni Silver IL'ite

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    I read this article in today's paper.

    Hubby's genitals set on fire.

    An Australian woman who allegedly set fire to her husband's genitals because he was having an affair has appeared in court charged with murder.
    After the fire spread through the family home, Rajini Narayan, 44, told neighbours she had only wanted to burn her husband's penis "so it belongs to me and no one else", prosecutors said. "It's just his penis I wanted to burn, I didn't mean this to happen, she said.
    Prosecutors said Narayan's engineer husband Satish was asleep in their double-storey Adelaide home when his wife doused his genitals with methylated spirit and set them on fire on December 8 last year.
    The blaze spread when he jumped out of bed and knocked over the bottle of spirits, causing around a million dollars of damage to the house ans a neighbouring property, the court heard.
    Narayan, 47, died in the hospital last week. His widow was remanded in custody until Friday.

    I honestly didn't know how to react. She says she only wanted to burn his penis. Would he bear the pain & sit still while she burnt it. I mean what was "She" thinking???

    I began thinking - To what extent will woman go to hurt their spouse?
     
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  2. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    OOPS,
    She is courageous enough to take such decision. I really appreciate this kind of self judgements.
     
  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    hmmm, I think no matter what my dh does, i could never hurt him like that. no way. tsk

    if the tables were turned and i was the one cheating i would not want my dh to set me on fire. so how could i do to him?

    UPDATE: I was just reading msnbc.com and according to their story, this Rajini lady is basing her affair accusations on the fact that "she saw him hug another woman." Also, she lit this fire with her 3 children in the house. Definitely this lady must be having psychological problems to do something so crazy!
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2009
  4. Kodavati

    Kodavati Senior IL'ite

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    I admire the women.She had the courage to take revenge on him.
    Why live a life in which we can do nothing more than crib about our DH's when nothing ever seems to change them and we can do nothing.
    My Cheers to that BRAVE lady.:cheers
     
  5. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    I will respectfully disagree with all the other contributers on this thread who call this woman "brave" and "courageous". Instead, she sounds unbalanced, immature, and like she has no sense of perspective or adult powers of problem-solving.

    "Cribbing" about our husbands' behaviour without doing anything about it is futile, I agree; but the solutions we need to find must be sensible, constructive, and above all, LEGAL. She is a grown woman with children, and this is the kind of example she chooses to set? She could have killed her husband, and her three children, with her foolish and irresponsible actions, should the entire house have gone up in flames.

    If she were a poor, disempowered, uneducated woman in some rural village in a place like Africa who was suffering terrible abuse at the hands of her husband, and felt she wanted to end it all (and possibly kill everyone to end their suffering), her actions may have been more understandable (though still not excusable). Instead, she is living in a developed country that provides proper and legal channels for recourse in the case of marital problems.

    Instead of talking to her husband about their problems, seeking counselling, or even seeking separation or divorce, she went ahead and came up with her own twisted solution to this problem. And what kind of reasoning is it, that if she burnt his penis then it would belong to her and no one else? Does this not sound absolutely demented to anyone else?

    Grownups don't take revenge on each other; we solve our problems in mature ways. Husbands and wives, especially, shouldn't set themselves up as enemy combatants. At the end of the day, we always have the choice of just walking away when a relationship proves to be too destructive or beyond redemption. There is no need to physically injure the other party.

    Finally, as ASuitableGirl points out, I would like to ask all the women who admire this woman's actions what they would be saying if the tables were turned, and this were a man who set fire to his wife's genital area because he suspected her of cheating on him? I'm sure we wouldn't be making the same easy excuses for his behaviour, and instead, there would be a storm of outrage. We should not have double standards. Women should seek to empower themselves in legitimate and constructive ways, not by resorting to barbarism and violence.
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2009
  6. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Ansuya, we think along the same lines definitely! If this had happened to a woman there would be a huge out cry....

    Like I mentioned in my previous reply, the lady in question only saw her hubby HUG another woman. The fact that she killed her husband over something as potentially innocent as a hug just shows she is clearly not in right state of mind. Even if she had seen all out infidelity, still no excuse to kill him. How many times in our own marriages have we jumpd to conclusions about our husbands behavior only to find out later we had misinterperated things? What happens if that hug was simply a gesture between two friends or extended family? And even if he was having an affair, since when should the punishment for that be death?

    Again, this sort of thinking clearly shows she is nuts. As if any man on earth is going to go back to a woman who sets his privates on fire! I don't think so! bonk
     
  7. MrsV

    MrsV Bronze IL'ite

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    I disagree that this woman was courageous and brave. If every woman/man went to kill their spouse for cheating, half the kids in this world would have a dead parent and another parent in jail for that murder.

    I don;t get this gender bias that women scream about.. is it really that hard to be believe that there are absuive and crazy women that torture their men? If she caught him in bed with another woman or even if was having an emotional affair, there are so many logical things to do. She could have filed for divorce, kept the kids, the house and the money and send him packing - which would have been wise. She could have gone for therapy and counseling, instead she chose this barbaric method of branding her husband for herself? Now her kids are orphaned and we have the poor neighbor's house is torched.

    She's crazy and needs serious help.
     
  8. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    ASuitableGirl

    I'm glad that we do think along the same lines, because it scares me that there are women out there who think this is a reasonable way to solve a problem. I sympathise with women who are suppressed and subjected to abuse, but there should be limits when it comes to their reaction no matter what the provocation.

    I have such strong feelings about this issue because it was brought to my attention last night by my husband, who showed me the article, and then, with a big grin on his face, said, "Promise me you'll talk to me about what's bugging you before you reach for the matches!". He was trying to laugh it off, but I know him well enough to know it disturbed him deeply, as I should hope it would bother most people. That put a personal slant on the whole issue for me.

    Ansuya
     
  9. deepshikha

    deepshikha Senior IL'ite

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    Ansuya, i just admire your clear thinking capabilities. I love to read your posts which give us so much food for thought.

    As for this piece of news, I don't understand why women do not move court if they find their husbands cheating or abusing. I think part of the reason why so many Indian origin men are found cheating on wives in foreign lands is that they know well that their wife would take no legal action against them.

    I agree we should not try to see the "courage" in this kind of behavior from a woman, instead read between the lines and understand how pathetic she turned out when it came to resolving her marital problems
     

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