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To like USA by compulsion not by choice

Discussion in 'General Discussions - USA & Canada' started by happywoman, Mar 5, 2008.

  1. happywoman

    happywoman Silver IL'ite

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    hello friends,

    Im a new ILite registered just a few mins back and this is my first ever thread in this forum.

    I hope this is the right place to post my thread.

    Im happily married woman (hence the id )blessed with a kid and have a down-2-earth n loving partner.My hubby got an opportunity to leave to States and hopeful to move there. I have seen many threads and posts where women have discussed the pluses and minuses of staying in US of A. For me, i have no choice but only to like it because of various reasons.

    1. PARENTS: I cannot take the shelter of my parents and say that i will miss my family if we move out from here. I lost my father a couple of years ago and my mom has moved with my brother.
    My parents raised me as a confident person who can take independent decisions come what may. In our family set up, we never discuss about things which went wrong but only on future. So my mom now does not even discuss about the issue of me not leaving this place due to them.

    I dont know whether im fortunate to get a lovely hubby or unfortunate to be a part of a family where they dont give any importance to me because of our love marriage. Its natural/universal to not to like the DIL but my ILs do not even like my kid hence we moved out of a joint family to avoid the day-2-day tamasha!!
    My ILs are entirely a different counterpart altogether though we stay very close to each other in the same town. As a result , now my family has developed a different lifestyle pattern.

    I can never ever say my kid will miss the grandparents.

    Most of my friends and cousins who are abroad wish they could get a maid for domestic help. Hollllllddd on........grass is greener on the other side always!!!
    I know how difficult it is to go through the tantrums of these maids who think we are parasites depending on them and cannot do w/o them. Though i have domestic help here i need to constantly monitor them to get things done. So i feel its not a really big deal to manage the daily chores.(correct me if im wrong)

    A 30 plus married woman is considered redundant in India and there are limited opportunities available for her to make the mark. Even if some opportunity strikes after a gap in her career many roadblocks come in her way like finding a suitable (pollution-free,clean,hygienic) day care for kids,to overcome the commuting hassles (travelling from home to workplace), keeping up the work-home balance etc etc. If at all due to some god forbid reasons, a woman resigns from work will be looked down upon by people around....as if.....look we already knew it!
    So on the contrary, age is no bar for working in almost all the developed countries. We can atleast try,right??

    Oh my god....... the load which my child has to carry to the school everyday makes me shed buckets of tears. Poor child i cannot help in any way except to tell that everyone has to carry it to the school. THe stress of homework,weekly tests, project work, exams leave the kids as well the parents in a fix.

    After a hectic week of work and work and work.....when we go out to some public places..first the tension of finding a parking place. We had to return back home because we did not find a parking place in big malls here. After succeding to get a parking place, the crowds in every place makes me go mad.

    So ladies and all my contemporaries who have had similiar experience please help me out in emerging at a positive solution to make up my mind to settle abroad.I hope im not like degrading this place just to highlight the otherwise but have come out with real facts.

    Awaiting replies:help,

  2. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Happymom,
    Welcome to IndusLadies.
    And congratulations on your husband's opportunity for USA.
    Don't worry about pros and cons of moving to US. Most of them goes thru this phase. I feel it will be a great opportunity to explore other countries too…. Just to know the different cultures etc.
    For your queries….
    1. Don't worry about your mom and brother. You can always call them often as the phone system as become less expensive compared to few years back. Once you settle down over here, you can always invite your mom.
    2. Regarding your In-laws (please don't mention in-laws as Ils in this website as we abbreviate Indusladies with IL), don't worry about them. Once you go far off, they might miss you. Absence makes heart grow fonder.
    3. Domestic help: I can imagine all the dramas of these maid servants. Over here, it is not like that. You can do most of your household chores without much hassles.
    4. Job/career: It depends on your visa type and work permit. The system over here is good enough to balance job, home and kids without much problems.
    5. Kids will love to go to schools over here. There is no much pressure on kids regarding home works, studies etc. They give importance to personality development, arts, physical fitness, games and studies.
    6. You will love the weekends over here, esp. during summer time.
    For more information, please visit
    Good luck.
  3. eternalbliss

    eternalbliss New IL'ite

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    Dear Happy Mom,
    I'm a new ILite like you.I moved to the US 8 yrs ago.My situation is different than yours,in the sens ethat i moved as soon as i got married.I found it little hard to adjust for a year ,mainly because i missed my family and felt like i was plucked by the roots and replanted here in US.However,time changes everything.With 2 children,my husband and I feel very complete as a family.
    From my experience,i can tell few things,
    Yes,you will miss your mother and other extended family on your side.However,you can talk to them over the phone,chat with them with a webcam,visit them and have them visit you.Trust me,you will notice a diiference in how you and they value relationships once you are here.
    Your child will miss having grandparents around,but when you or they visit,you try to make the most of it.Again,this can be viewed as a chance to nuture the value of relationships to your child.

    About chores,i can assure,it will not be a problem.Besdies,here you do have professional maids available who can help you with cleaning your house.Even after 2 kids and moving 2 houses in 2 states I have not felt the need for that.

    About a career...it is a different ball game here.If you really want to,you can find a job and your age has nothing to do with it.I am a dentist by education,and after my children were born ,i decided to start fresh in a new field,which was not too alien to me,so i shifted to Health Care Management.I have been taking it slow and working part-time,mostly from home,so i can take care of my kids.It gets crazy on some days,but it works for me.Depending on what you want, the sky is the limit.

    About kids education.It is a different culture and a different way to view education as such.Kids here learn to develop their self esteem /confidence in schools before they learn anything else.I am happy with the education here for that very reason.Indian kids do very well here because we inclucate some of our Indian competitive spirit in their learning process.More so,these days we have many Indian organizations which teach kids our traditions,language and spirituality.We celebrate all our festivals very well in our places of worship and the schools also have started recognizing them.

    Weekends are usually what you make out of it.Places with warmer weather throughout the year have more options for outdoor activities.Where i live,it is pretty cold during winters so we plan indoor activities for the kids during that time.

    Having said all that....i must honestly tell you,there is equally some bad stuff that you will experience here as much as the good stuff.But, just like everything in life,you have to take the good and leave the bad.Life can get very lonely and depressing anywhere if you dont plan it well.You might have to go out of your way to meet people and make friends.But it is worth the effort.

    Hope this helps

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