To invite or not....

If you do not invite them will your other friends be comfortable with it? (ultimately you don't want your other friends to suffer because of a party)...there will be friction between x,y and other friends as your other friends in the group came and did not question about your not inviting x and y...so i would say invite them unless you feel they will create a ruckus in the party or snide you openly (don't have to bear anybody's criticism in your own home)...as you age you forgot such things...true you might never be comfortable friends with x and y but a cordial relationship( just like what we have with relatives) is never bad and its peaceful on the mind..


If your other friends are ok with phasing out x and y from your group then i would say don't invite them...diplomatic answer huh!

 

I say NO. Here are my reasons

1. Hosting any ceremony is quite stressful. Why force yourself to meet people with whom you had a dirty confrontation?

2. This ceremony cant be the event where you all patch. Did three of you share any good moment after that fight?

3. To me, it seems like that fight had no conclusion. No parties took responsibility. But good thing is, they blamed each other that means that backbiting did happen and you did not unnecessarily blame them.

4. Did they take initiative later to patch up things with you? It does not seem like. So if you take initiative, then it is a signal that you don't care about what people say in your back. It can hurt your self-respect to viewed as such a person.

5. I personally, cant continue my relationship with such people. But then, I am very comfortable having small friend circle.

6. Your husband is right that you need to forgive and forget. Did they ask you for forgiveness? Where is the question of forgiving when no one asked for it?

7. If you don't invite them, it might also mean these friendships cant be revived. You need to weigh pros and cons of having them. You gave just this one incident and so my suggestion is based on this incident alone and is some what in vacuum. But relationships don't function in empty space. You have the entire context. So please decide.

 

In every group of families I've been in, I've noticed there is always some sort of conflict. Of course I don't have the details of your falling out. But just giving 3rd person view of what I've seen.

Recently, two families in our group fell out. Now the rest of us are trying to handle these two families diplomatically as they won't talk to each other and won't invite each other. If one of us neutral folks has a party, one declines if the other is coming. It's extremely sad and uncomfortable since the rest of us get on with both these families.

Of course as different personalities we are all going to have opinions on others. Which we might share with only those closest to us. That's one way of looking at it. Also some people gossip more than others...

You would be the bigger person here if you invited them. You could just remain acquaintances and be civil. However if their presence is only going to make you upset on your big day, you might as well skip it and enjoy your day. So, how much can you handle?

 

I agree with simple mom. If they haven't asked for forgiveness, why bother inviting them. They seem to be happy with their blossoming friendship. It's not worth it. Just forget them..it's not like they are your childhood friends, are they?

On a side note, you said you do greet them when you meet them at a party. How do they respond to you? Evaluate their equation with you...you know the best.

 

It's your party, and you should invite the people you like. If everyone knows you guys had a disagreement, it should not come as a big surprise to anyone that they have not been invited to this party. It's entirely your business.

And I don't agree with your husband, in this case, about forgiving and forgetting. That's all well and good and very virtuous-sounding, but the truth is, life is too short to ruin our happy moments by trying to be Mother Teresa.

The people who would like to socialize with X and Y can have their own party and meet them there. Your husband, too, should respect the fact that these women still make you feel bad. Don't dismiss your own feelings, based on solid experience, just to appease others or try to be the good guy. After all, I doubt your husband will be the one to suffer should X and Y start their tricks again (somehow, the guys always escape everything).

 

I have nothing more to add than what has already been said by simpleMom.

 

I wouldn't invite anyone who makes me uncomfortable on my special day!!

 

No need to invite them.