To Get Better Control Of My Emotions ...

@Caughtinbetween,

Your well-being and baby's care are two important factors to be addressed now. I wish I live in NJ to look after the baby.I wish you all the best.

Viswa

 

Your recent post is very disturbing.

First of all, after knowing about your in-laws why did you agree to take their help? It is not convincing enough if you say your husband wanted them here during the baby's arrival. In India first baby's birth happens at mothers place, inlaws some time come days later. What if something happens at in-law's place they are unable to come for weeks and months. I would have put this reason to stop them coming during the delivery time at least after three months. Or a plain blank reason "I underwent all those tortures I don't like them around my pregnancy", if I would have been in your shoes but for sure I would not have taken their help.

I have a 100% better in-laws than yours, but I was 100% determined I will not take their help during delivery or aftercare. I did not want to give them even the remote chance to comment or point fingers at me on anything which they may not do anyway. I am a sensitive person, in case if they had to cook for me, take care of me or baby when I am not capable, I would feel indebted to them would not be able to say no or stand up for myself if there is a need arises. So it was a plain blank "I can take care of me and baby myself". And trust me it was not hard and doable.

It was clear for many years my parents will not be able to help, so I prepared myself emotionally, financially and physically to handle this alone with very little help in case if my husband could offer. One of my friends told me that doctors here in US will encourage from next of c section to stand and walk. That was more than enough for me to plan. I froze food for a month in case if my wound would not heal soon and I won't be able to cook for longer. If my husband would have whined about eating frozen food, I would have asked him to eat outside food and given the list of best restaurants in town. I opted for C section since I thought it would easy to manage than normal delivery. With a bundle of joy and a person who needs my care in hand, my pain and worries would mean nothing to me. My husband then just started a new job spent just one day with us in the hospital. We got discharged after 5 days and hospital nurses took good care of me and baby. I visited the hospital again with a cake for a baby's first birthday. After coming home also my husband was able to spend around only 1hr per day with us. But the best thing is he gives the baby a bath every day till today. He takes the garbage out and during those days he used to keep rice in the cooker.

I worked as a consultant for six months just before the delivery with a company. I am a highly reliable, a person who takes responsibility on her own, top committed person in the team, seeing that company and the team offered a WFH position when the baby was just 50 days and extended the WFH for two years now. Along the while, I have managed the baby, work and house chores alone with minimum help from my husband. He is a researcher, needs to spend even the weekend at his work. Since my WFH option was based on mercy, I had to maintain the top performance within the team to justify it. I used to be awake with baby till 4 am, 80% of the days so that the baby can sleep at least half of the day and I can work. I could not afford to leave the job, but if I had to leave the baby in the daycare or someone's help, I would have taken a break from work. The best thing about the IT field is you can use the break efficiently for upgrading the skills, get certification and bang a well-paying job. Just need that commitment to using the break efficiently.

Today my son who is a very happy independent child. In my sil's own words he is the best among 15 kids in the family. When we visited India when he was 10 months everyone noticed, how very little he cried if there was any, how he played on his own, how he never fussed to go to anyone when he was lifted by them. I attribute this to the single person care when he was too young. He did not have the confusion of being on many hands and "I need my mommy" when he was little.

No reasoning is worth to go through what you are gone through or going through. Take Care. I did write my story here just to say it is manageable to take care of delivery and baby alone.

 

CIB

You hav come a long way. All I know is you will be a wonderful mother to your little princess. She will learn a lot from your brave journey and your strength will give her huge courage all through her life. I wish I could be available for you in some way but being in another continent only thing I can do is to wish you strength through my prayers. Your inlaws do not deserve a second or third chance they are horrible people. Which ever option you choose will work out well for you. Wishing you lots and lots love courage and strength.

Much peace to you

 

If you have read all the OP's earlier posts you will see the situation she is in. What she had to go through is harrowing, and she is trying to do the best with the cards she has been dealt. And if a husband insists on bringing his parents no matter what then what can one really do?

 

How about trying desi whatsapp groups in your city??

 

Even after wife puts her foot down and says she does not want the in-laws to be around in her vulnerable stage, if the husband hell bends to bring them no matter what, he is not worth living off with let alone having a child with him.

 

@Caughtinbetween I have not read your earlier posts but reading about your latest update I get a fair idea. If I were you I would try to hire a nanny and if that does not work do daycare. If you take help from your in laws now you will be indebted to them forever and give them more leeway to walk all over you.
I also think you should not take a break from work. Not with your situation with your in laws or husband .
check with your pediatrician if 8 weeks is ok for daycare and decide accordingly. I hope you can enjoy motherhood inspite of all the in laws induced stress .

 

Caught in between,

Yes that is pretty bad. But what is your h doing in all this? Limit contact with her and keep your h informed of each and every detail. Avoid your mil if she is talking such rubbish and make her son deal with her.

I don’t know your history but I don’t want to go there also. Caughtinbetween I suggest you too have to turn the page now. Because one innocent life is now also in the balance. How long to go on justifying based on your past? Past, her taunts, your weight... how long... just leave it now.

Now you are a mother. Keep laser focus on baby. Clear your head, have some hard and direct conversations with your h and decide what to do next.

 

CIB, the last response of yours made me very sad. The time when you are meant to be happy is spent being sad. I am so sorry. I know there is nothing I can do to help. Just know that i am thinking of you.

My Goodness...unbelievable that people like your inlaws still exist. I wish I could help.