To Get Better Control Of My Emotions ...

Thank you @Sandycandy . I am trying my best to keep this from getting tainted.

On a different note , I must say that I enjoy reading your humorous and wise suggestions/verses . And more than that , I enjoy how you find out trolls in the posts. Often when I think a post is a troll I wait to see what you got to say

 

Thank you @ashima10

 

Thank you @blessed for the wishes. To answer your question , I borrowed money for the ticket from a friend here . I am still grateful to her since she gave it without knowing when I would be able to return it. During my stay there I used to anyways try and spend as much time outside as possible . Once I got the money , same day I went to a internet shop , booked the ticket without cancellation option , came back and informed them. Then for the remaining week , tried to stay out of their way as much as possible. They did make a fuss about it as i didnt ask them before doing this but i ignored . I still recall spending a day and a half at the airport for the next connection only to avoid spending more hours at their place. All the memories But yes , if this were to happen ever again , I am a bit confident now.

 

Thank you @DDream for your response in both the posts . And most importantly for the EAP information. I now realize that it was always there in front of me on all the pamphlets , notices and official emails but I never bothered to go through it . Only after hearing about it from you , I found this resource . I, thankfully , have my first appointment this week itself . I was surprised at a month or more of waiting time but they squeezed me in after knowing about my pregnancy. I look forward to it with lots of hopes.

My H , though he helps now , I doubt he would do it in their presence. As you rightly mentioned ils do not let their kids do any household work and both ils and their kids take pride in it somewhere . H says he would do it , same time he mentions his mom wont let him do it . Anyways , I did say , I will call you for help when you are home every time besides getting a cleaning lady once in a while . Rest , preparing myself hard to ignore any comments and control my responses . Trying my best to be focused at this time and to stay as positive as possible about their visit . And as their arrival comes closer , I will talk about these things in a more clearer way with H.

I am going through the BF pumps but have not decided on which one to buy yet . Will again seek opinion from you all about it . i read somewhere that insurance provides few options too . I look forward to BF for as long as I can . We have a mothers room in the ofc , though I haven't seen anyone use it . Have to find out from HR and manager about it . Thank you for the suggestions.

I tried to do meditation but became inconsistent . i tried reading , arts , crocheting.watching comedy etc but nothing seems to work so far .... i used to walk a lot earlier and feel better , could not do it recently. have to start again.

To answer your question , I gave the papers to them for safe keeping after reaching india but I kept my passport with me (only because i thought it would help me as an ID as I did not have any other form of ID.) , not knowing what awaits in the future . They tried hard to find it but could not so they hid another documents they deemed as important. They have this habit of going through my stuff behind me and doing these things but at that time and situation I did not think about it. H did not know about it and still does not . For visa appointment H called once and was going through the document review with me when I mentioned that I am missing one document . Seeing that their son was asking about the papers , they make me search for it , guiding where all to look for , knowing very well they themselves hid it. later on , when I was away , they kept it back at the same place where i first looked for and claimed i cant see properly. that moment I understood they were actually looking for my passport which was with me all the time. Afterwards where ever I go i used to carry it with me. And while at their home , i used to constantly change the location and hid it in secret pockets etc. to keep it safe when i get busy with some house work. They tried to get it from me using anger and concern but every time I would ignore or postpone. And managed to keep it with me all the while while they had other papers .

Thanks DDream for your wishes . And while I finish drafting this reply i get a call from the therapist ofc and after three sessions , should i need more , my insurance covers at a very less cost than I was expecting. that relieves me further . thank you and take care .

 

Thank you @blessed ...honestly while all this was happening and later I did not think anything about if what I was doing was brave or not . even after that the only thing i could achieve was to limit the phone calls to happen only in front of h , never otherwise. I dont see myself as any inspiration for the girl but sincerely wish she is able to stay with her h soon. i could never understand what pleasure ils derive out of it . In my case , mistakes in exchanging gifts and meeting expectations of the grooms family and other miscommunications did happen during the initial stages , which i belive also contributed to an extent .
But I Really hope things improve for your neighbor , for a child to live with both parents at such a young age is very important. My best wishes to her.

 

Hi @Iravati ,

Pending from my end is a genuine sorry for a really late reply to your post (though I read it earlier itself) and also a thank you for putting forward your thoughts .

As you appropriately pointed out , expressing yourself in a way that it gets you what you want is an art worth mastering in ones life time. I have often found people around saying that haste outspokenness is a virtue than a vice because you speak whats inside your heart and dont keep grudges . I could somehow never relate to it. Nor was I able to convince myself that holding back every other thought that crosses your mind be in calm or anger is equal to keeping grudges . I would rather think of it to be a cautious way of blurting out .
Controlled response in stressful/happy times is worth learning for me .

On a different note , another thank you I owe to you for showing me a variety of books/references scattered around in your posts . I did start reading two of those ; Human happiness (never knew pascal was into things beyond science and math ) before i came across his writing in one of your posts . Another one is existentialism and humanism . I saw it in another thread just yesterday and got it to read . Reading about his views on subjectivity many years back during college days and specially his lecture marking communist philosophy , I have started reading this one . Not sure how far I would go though , I tend to not finish reading the book to its end if I feel bored in between.
Anyways , too much blabbering from me today .

Thank you for the response . I enjoyed reading it .

 

Update :

I am going to once a week counseling sessions with the counselor i found near my home . The lady is an American who is not familiar with the Indian family ways as much .
The only two points I said I would like to first focus on is 1. improving things with H and 2. maintain a very formal and bare minimum relation with ils .
I try to share with her everything as it comes to my mind . I am not sure how exactly it should work with a professional help and feeling the connect with her.
I have taken three sessions and would go for another next week. First one went in the introduction , understanding the issue etc. Second was where she was trying to explain me about positive statements (not nagging or negative feelings) while talking to H and third one to encourage going out with H and spend some time outside before the baby and ils come . She is also trying to persuade me to have a conversation with H and find out details of ils visit . This topic i haven't really broached about on my own yet . But did come to know from his talks that they will be here few days before the delivery anyways .
So I have only a few more sessions that I can attend to before they come and then will look into skype or such options (it also would get difficult to talk to the counselor freely at home with them being around) in a one BHK.
Mind is racing fast .

Thinking of asking the counselor in my next session about : how to initiate the discussion with H to lay some ground rules for their visit and to keep a very formal interaction with them trying to avoid as much drama as possible which is inevitable .

Besides , talking to counselor , I would also want to know your opinions , ideas on the above. How do I precisely communicate this to H when i speak to him about them . I am thinking of talking to him just a few days before they come.

Also , to feel some connect with the counselor , how many sessions do you think it takes .

Thank you all for everything.

 

Update :wanted to share with you all that I delivered a baby girl this week . Thanks for all the wishes and support you all showed. I will come back in sometime to share and seek more . Thank you very much .