To Divorce Or Not To..

What is there to feel "eeeww" in that, there are men like that. Unfortunately nowadays caring men are giving bad tags. And OP's husband is anything but abusive, till now he was secure, now he is in a state of panic, he is thinking about his son and whether he can get to keep him. He will lose everything if he even tries to abuse his son or show his frustration on him. He would not dare to do that. If the husband was abusive, OP would never say she is sexy, young. At some point of time she would lose that feeling. Looking sexy is a state of mind. What she does is her problem. But what she is facing is not really "abuse" but retaliation and a panic reaction.

 

Why eeewww? I really like and appreciate a person who doesn't smoke,drink and doesn't look at other women..... now days it is very hard to find such kind of person for sure...

 

Hello Nonya,

I have read a couple of you posts and I appreciate your sense of humor - though sometimes its very difficult to understand.
Coming to the above reply,
Why eeeewww ??
A husband smokes - we have a problem
A husband drinks - we have a problem
A husband looks at other women - call him pervert

A man who does not smoke, booze or look at other women - eeeewwww ?
What are we expecting men to be like?
Man is manly only when he stand up for his woman, come what may and when he gives that sense of security to the girl in his life - that's when he is Manly.

smoke rings, whisky glasses - only add that exterior extra glitter which many confuse to be "Manly"
For a real man, such accessories are not required.


Now coming to Op's problem.

OP has cheated.However neatly we try to put this - the crux is she cheated on her husband - whatever be the reason.
If she was so sex deprived she should have walked out long long ago - not after having a son.
8 years of marriage is not a short time.
Now she has a child and realized that she cannot continue in the marriage any longer - she should have discussed this before going out with Man 2.
She has made it clear that she is so sex deprived that she began going out with another man , while she is still married and has a child.
How else will her husband and her parents react? We talk a LOT about women rights, the very reason why divorce exists etc etc. But the ground reality is she has cheated on her husband and if he chooses to file the divorce on the basis of extra marital affair, she will lose the child, the family and everything. I wont be surprised if OP couldn't care less because Man 2 has mesmerized her so much.
Sex is a vital part of a marriage but there are many more aspects to a marriage that OP is not ready to see or realize.
Think about the child.
He is being taken away from a loving dad, possibly loving grandparents and other family members - to a man who may/may not love the child - all this because the mom wants Romance and Sex.
May be my reply would have been different if there was no child involved. But with a child in the picture - Am not sure if this is justified - in the name of OP's right to live life as per her choices.

I always thought that once a woman becomes a mom - she cannot help but put her child first , before all her priorities and choices. But looks like my thinking is old fashioned.

 

Op, u r in a complicated situation. I dont have any advice about divorcing ur husband or not. It all depends on ur priorities. No body has the right to judge you on that. Lot of folks say kids should be the top priority. Yes but not at the cost of sacrificing our complete life. Intimacy is definitely a big thing.

But i definitely can say man2 is not the right one. I think he is just exploiting ur current situation. A good person will never eye on someones spouse. U told that even if u marry man2, ur not going to have any more kids. Is man2 ok with that. I really doubt that. He may be saying ok now but he may not be. There is every possibility that man2 will suspect u in future if u marry him. Because ur cheating ur current husband for man2, he will definitely think u may do the same thing to him. He is pushing u lot to take decision so that u will take a wrong decision in a confused state.

Finally i totally understand if u decide to leave ur husband. Ur happiness should also be a top priority. Going for man2 would be foolish. I think he is honey coated knife.

 

woowww so much judgement???how do you even know she will fall for fame and money..you have the right to judge her just because she posted her uncertainity and confusion..

 

[A man who doesn't smoke, drink or look at other women ? eeeewww.... ]

What is so eww in that? I have a husband like that and my stress levels have decreased a lot from before marriage to now. It is so nice to not be worrying about his health or his wandering eyes. Believe me it is so liberating

 

Had I been your husband I would have seen you court.

 

Love marriage, 8years of married life, one child, husband who supports wife's career, parents and everything else in life - lacks in Romance.
Mine is love marriage too. So I know to some extent, what am talking about.
When a woman loves a man , she is so emotionally attached to him that it is very much impossible to imagine any other person in bed except for the one she loves.
Love marriage needs romance and sex but love is not just romance and sex. There are some factors in OP and her H with which they fell in love with each other and for which they chose to spend the rest of their lives with each other. Why is OP not considering those factors?
Either the H has been super romantic and passionate about sex in the early days of marriage and that wore off for whatever reason.
Or Wife has not communicated her needs extremely clearly before wedding.
Or Wife has the thyroid or whatever harmones playing with her mindset, of which Man 2 is taking very good advantage - which is possible. Women are sexually very active in 30-40 age group.

Marriage can become routine and boring after some years and kid. That can be fixed and can only be fixed as long as the love is still alive. Man2 is taking very good advantage of the situation and is clearly not reliable, in my opinion.

Maybe there's a missing part in the story?