Tips To Survive Indian Marriages

True.. I have seen dil's forcing dh's to disown his family n provide for her's only. Also another who highly involves her family for every little thing n treating the spouse badly.

Both men n women can get abused in a marriage in different ways. It's all equally wrong.. that is why this point is important to be included in the list for a good marriage tips..

 

My husband does too. N I do too. We provide for both side of the families.

Providing for our families is part of our duty in our culture n many others too. It is another point in tips to survive indian marriages too.

I think we are going off track here. Not everyone's marriage is all rosy. None of our marriages or lives are perfect. Everyone has to face there own set of demons n challenges. Each learns how to deal n solve. The tips are purely for that. A few tips towards surviving it n it applies to both gender.

 

Good communication between husband and wife. This involves good listening skills.

 

Well, here are some things that worked for us... Keep in mind that I got married after becoming best friends with my husband, after building trust and understanding. So here it goes:
1. Have a life outside of your marriage. Your career, friends, other family members, hobbies should be a big part of your life after getting married. Of course, it is a different kind of story when you have kids because they will eat up most of your free time, but still My hubby is more homely than me, so he doesn't enjoy long bike rides, hiking in National parks, skydiving and all this kind of things. So at least once a month I grab my friends and we do things together, while my hubby does his own thing. It gives us both some space and we start missing each other pretty soon.
2. Don't play a perfect wifey. The compulsion for many women is to show that they are perfect wives right after they get married, more so in arranged marriages. They work, do all the household chores, keep mum to their IL's BS and try their best to win everyone's hearts in their "new family". Well, maybe there are some women who can do it all and it makes them happy and they wished they lived their whole lives like that, good for them! But most of women get tired and want to have time for other important things in their lives between work and housework. So right from the beginning share the household chores with your husband equally, if you both work, keep seeing your family and friends, and let everyone, who mistreats you, know that their behavior is not okay. My very personal opinion that you shouldn't live with your ILs at all, but it is just me. Remember: if you do everything perfectly at the beginning, everyone will expect you to do it all the time and won't be happy when you realize that this is way too much for you and you can't keep doing everything. Especially, when you get sick or get other responsibilities like a child or a difficult work project. So lower their expectations a little.
3. Learn not to turn against each other during conflicts, but see each other as a team against the problem. It's the hardest part because it means no yelling, no calling each other names, no blaming, no silent treatments, no retaliations, no threats. Listen to each other respectfully, try your best to understand each other, agree to disagree and say things that promote connection. For example, hugs, kisses, holding hands and compliments should be an everyday habit.
So yes, this what worked for us!

 

@poovai - the point no.4 reminded me of something my mother advised me (of course ,I was not able to abide by it ). She used to say that after marriage ,the newly wed should remain silent , just listen and keep her interference to a minimum for at least 5 years ( 5 years!!?).And if she does so , she will rule for the time ever after, will be heard and everyone will listen to her. I was too immature to understand what she was trying to say. It need not be necessarily 5 years but as you said one should calmly test the waters and just be a silent listener in the initial years. Exerting too control from the start itself does not help.

 

Mom had told so, long long ago when things were different in toto. With advancements and changes in living style and in the absence of simple living and high thinking, it would be WELLNIGH impossible for women highly educated and career conscious to remain a poor spectator! All are desperately in great hurry to LIVE enjoy life this moment and people around seem to be working for self aggrandisement. Five years just be silent do not react then one would get numb and with numbness what one is going to enjoy. One should not become a case for mental asylum or get into incurable depression. You BETTER live this moment every moment speaking out.
Take care my sisters. Thank you. Regards.
God bless us all.