Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sunshine04, Sep 19, 2017.
This thread is for members to share tips on how to build a strong marriage.
Understanding between husband and wife is the foremost. Building relationship of a friendship kind with the spouse should be the basic priority after marriage.. Rest will fall in line.
Let me start off by saying Indian saying shadi ka laddoo, jo khaye woh bhi pachtaye aur na khaye woh bhi pachtaye is 100% correct..
Having said that, if you end up eating the Laddoo, then make sure you & your husband develop an unbreakable bond & understanding enough to withstand the storms (shd I say Irma's? ) of in laws, general ups & downs in marriage.. but be good to everyone at the same time, if you want to live a guilt free life.
Most of the problems start coz of in laws.
How to deal those.
Most husbands turn blind when it comes to their parents and siblings.
When two entirely different people live together there may be problems happens.But when their love starts that is the most amazing days in their life .so always keep loving.
A word of caution, it works for one couple and it doesn't mean, it will work for all.
'Don’t Put All your Eggs in One Basket' - one common mistake most of us do, trusting the new guy 100%. Genuinely, he may be good but can be still immature / running back to his bachelor friends / playing video games or cricket on weekends / lazy bum / sleepy head / unhygienic and so on. Young man will come with his own baggage of problems when he enters into the marriage. He also need to get adjusted to the family settings. Marriage will not be a rosy path as seen on movies / romantic books. Unless you live with a person long enough cannot see their flaws, understand their mood/behavioral pattern.
(1) Emotional support: Have a trustworthy brother/sister, cousins or friends of your age group to support you till you find your footing with the newly married person. You should be able to discuss any issues it may come up during initial years of marriage openly with your trusted sources. At least it helps to get over the annoyance if you could talk it out loud than bottling it up within yourself. Not advisable to open up to the parents completely, it may be blown out of proportion when parents are involved.
(2) Managing household: Many men haven't done much household chores. At least, girls from middle class settings have done some dish washing, laundry, sweeping, mopping, grocery shopping, etc. Prepare to mange the household, it is not that easy! Physically it will be exhausting even if you have a maid.
(3) Prepare to be the nurture: Cannot expect much gratitude for the work load you take over in the house. If you smile / feel happy, it reflects in the house. If you are sad /depressed/upset, it reflects on the relationship. Don't know, where the happiness begins but sure it can be seen clearly from the lady of the house.
(4) Be a good listener: Less talk is advisable until you figured out the 'escape route'. I meant, observe your surroundings first before you speak up openly. First few years are very crucial to "study" the husband material. Once you understood him (or manipulated), can handle his reaction easily.Have to know the field where you are playing first, right? After that, you can hit the ball....100% towards him!
It will take many many years of marriage life before you find a true friend in your DH. But can make him a tolerable friend from your actions.
When in-laws problem begins , a dil should handle it herself. Dil and mil should talk their feelings and come to common grounds. So little empathy from both dil and mil will help. Mil has to understand that a dil comes with open mind to accept you all as her family. if in-laws warmly welcome a dil and be kind to her then they will get twice the love and affection they need.
Now i don't expect my husband to understand or empathise the issues. Still figuring out if he will understand ever. Gents will understand only when their daughter gets married after 20 years the problems of a woman
Sharing a few things that's on top of the head. This applies for both men n women by the way:
- No ego - yes self respect.
- Fight with dignity even when difference arises.
- No bad words. No past mistakes. Stick to the topic.
- Don't do or say things which you won't like if done or said to you.
- Just learn n understand about the people you have to deal with and find ways to deal with them smartly.
- Learn to stand up when ever necessary.
- learn when to Let go and when to hold on.
- Learn when to be silent n when to be loud.
- don't generalise in laws, men / women.
- Understand that everyone are unique n respect the difference.
- don't try to control the other.
- daily chores n financials are major challenges which causes differences - find ways to make that work.
- have your own set of friends, don't put or demand all the attention from the spouse.
- prioritise your family above all, spouse n children.
- once married, parents n birth family is secondary to both the partners. Treat both set of families equally n with respect, provide n care as required, remember they gave birth to your partner n raised him/ her.
- Don't abuse and don't let yourself be a victim either.
- Build a beautiful friendship, they should become your best friend.
- be able to joke, laugh, tease, prank each other.
- don't force another, respect their choices n words.
I agree & have so many times thought Dh shd have done this , said this, behaved this way etc in issues concerning his family..
But somewhere in my heart , I also pity being in husbands' position, kis kiska dil rakhey ye bandey? I never ever would want to be in their shoes I see myself doing this perpetually if I were a husband