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Tips To Deal With Mil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by soulful, Jul 18, 2021.

  1. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    Hello All! I need help dealing with Mil’s intentions to provoke me.

    mil makes these snide remarks that she knows gets on my nerves. I KNOW she does it to get on my nerves. I KNOW I should not take her bait. I resolve not to react now or later, when the opportunity presents itself, BUT and this is a HUGE BUT, But I always do! I am feeling frustrated with myself because I am having difficulty taking the high road.

    For instance, today,

    My husband is a bad singer. He is good at other things but not singing. And it is okay. On the other hand, I do sing. I have taken classes for many many years and while I am no professional, I am okay. (This is only for context. I am not being arrogant, just stating facts to illustrate an example) so she says to my toddler, how well Appa sings and then gives me a look to see if I noticed. (I wouldn’t have paid attention to her remark had it not been for the look she gave me to get a reaction). I didn’t react.

    15 minutes later, my H started singing and I reacted and made one of my own snide remarks. Poor H took it as one of my playful jabs because he didn’t know the background. Did I kick myself for that? Yes, I did! But it gets worse. My mil gives me this weird smile that said ‘Gotcha’

    Pleas help! I know I am wrong so that’s not what I want to hear. I need tips on how to bite my tongue and not gets involved in this sh!tshow!

    thanks in advance
     
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  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    Last edited: Jul 18, 2021
  3. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    You can always give her the silent treatment.
    But if she moves away from your house, you may feel sad like our anika987 is feeling now.
     
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  4. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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  5. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    I try to, believe me! If you see my older posts from many years ago, I used to Give this advice to everyone, because it worked for me. It feels like I have lost control after all these years of playing dead and dumb.
     
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  6. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Go easy on yourself. It’s exhausting to constantly watch yourself around one person. It’s ok. Let her think she’s getting an upper hand. Just don’t beat yourself up for reacting. You can’t always take the high road. Maybe you hit your limit and reacted. Maybe it’s time for you to take a break and focus on yourself. Whatever it is, don’t let it impact you. Be a little extra lovey dovey with DH and make MIL second guess her strategy. If she thinks her taunt is helping you get close to your DH she may actually count this as a loss.
     
  7. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    Wow nicely put. I have been kicking myself a lot these days, wondering where that ‘couldn’t care less’ woman vanished. I guess I could give myself some slack and see if she comes back.

    I love the last line. Never thought of it that way. I will be using it. Thanks Laks09
     
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  8. AditiShining

    AditiShining Senior IL'ite

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    I would say just ignore for now.
     
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  9. kj2008

    kj2008 Senior IL'ite

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    I would have been in your situation I would have put hands around my hubby neck and would have praised him for his singing and this would have MIL jealous I am sure:grimacing::banana:
     
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