Tips to combat bouts of depression and loneliness

Discussion in 'North Eastern and Eastern States' started by sriparnaguha, Feb 24, 2009.

  1. sriparnaguha

    sriparnaguha New IL'ite

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    Hello IL friends, This is Sriparna from Bristol. I’ve been encountering a strange problem for weeks now. After my husband leaves for work, I’m left absolutely alone at out apartment. Gals, I hail from a joint family and the total absence of friends here has worsened my state of loneliness. To my horror I’ve come to notice that I become depressed when left on my own…the rooms appear suffocating - I’ve absolutely no idea what to do. Posting in IL is my only pastime that keeps me sane. But I need something productive to keep me engaged in my lonely hours.

    Please friends, can you help me out? I can’t discuss this with my hubby…he’ll get tensed and that’ll hamper his research work. I am expecting some tips from all of you. Bye!
    Sriparna
     
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  2. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    Sriparna

    Here is a link to another thread on this site that may help

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/h4-indian-ladies/151-h4-wife-things-to-do-8.html#post395241

    Although you are in England and not the US, and you're not an H4 wife, the tips I have written in the above post (and the other great advice given by ILites on that same thread) should give you some ideas on how to occupy yourself gainfully.

    It is good you want to shield your husband from your worries, but remember that he has a role to play too in making you feel better. Make sure he understands it's hard for you to be alone all the time, so that even if he is busy during the week, he makes some time for the two of you to go out and have some fun during the weekend. This will help you a lot when it comes to getting through the week on your own.

    Also, I'm not sure who takes care of the business end of running the house (bills, taxes, paperwork, DIY maintenance etc.) but if he shared more of those responsibilities with you (that is, gave you more of that work to do), you could keep yourself busy and contribute to the good running of your household and life together.

    Don't despair, because it is possible for you to overcome your depression and actually start enjoying your life again. Being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely. Use this time and energy productively and you'll discover aspects of yourself (like self-confidence and an inner strength independent of being surrounded by other people and a support system) that you never knew you had.

    Good luck!
     
  3. aparajitasarkar

    aparajitasarkar New IL'ite

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    That’s very sad dear. You can do a plenty of activities. But as for now the one that is coming in my mind is cooking. That’s one of the most creative art I must say. I am very fond of cooking. When I am at home, doing nothing, I indulge in making some new innovative dishes, mostly though don’t turn out to be very good, but I never lose hope.
    I tell you, nothing will give you more pleasure than making something new…
    Try it out dear…it will surely help you…
    Love,
    Aparajita
     
  4. lallu

    lallu New IL'ite

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    hi,
    think positively and see the changes it brings. keep in touch with your friends and relatives thru mail. see to that u set a routine of your house hold work such that it keeps u engaged thruout the morning session. hear to some music while doing ur work.
    take a break in the afternoon and go for a walk in the evening (exercise and relaxation)
    dress up well after a shower to greet ur tired husband and see the diffedrence.
    regards
    lalitha
     
  5. Victoryman

    Victoryman Senior IL'ite

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    Sorry to hear that U feel so lonely.I had the same problem when I first came here.But now I slowly developed the habit of reading books,doing some crochet work,some hand work ,going out for a walk regaulary , taking up some tutions and also browsing lots of website .......
    You can also try some of this and also try to listen to music.If you religious,there are lots of options online.you can hear upanyasams online and read lots of books online on the same........

    Hope this helps.......
     
  6. sriparnaguha

    sriparnaguha New IL'ite

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    Hey Ansuya, Lalitha, Aparajita and Victory,

    It was so nice that you all had responded to my thread. :)

    Ansuya - I read your H4 wife post and really liked some of the ideas. I'm already experimenting with some. :thumbsup

    Cooking is OK for me Aparajita, but how long can I keep cooking for two? Still I'm trying out new recipes as you suggested. Sometimes it turns up interesting but most of the times its devastating! bonkbonk

    Lalitha, Thanks for your suggestions, the idea of evening walk was really nice and better was the idea of taking a shower and meeting my tired husband - I mean it really works well and you can feel the difference! You know what I mean :wink::wink::wink:

    I've tried out the upanyasams too Victory. I asked my brother to send some CDs from India... It has arrived and i am enjoying my meditation... Its nice.

    Thanks a lot... for all your suggestions... I've started feeling better.
    Love you all, Thanks once again :thankyou2:
     
  7. teestabasu

    teestabasu New IL'ite

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    Hmmm…listen to music dear. You can listen to music even if you are happy or sad. Try listening to any of your favorite singers, or better listen to Rabindra Sangeet, I am sure you do listen to those. Nothing will cheer you up than these soulful Rabindra Sangeet. To share you a secret, I love listening to ‘amar mukti aloy aloy’ whenever I am feeling down and like a magic, this song boosts me up…

    The idea of cooking is also very good…I can give you the best idea, listen to Rabindra Sangeet and try out new recipes.

    Hope this will help…
    Love and care,
     
  8. shreyachatterje

    shreyachatterje New IL'ite

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    Hi Sriparna,
    I completely agree with Teesta. You know, if you ask me I’d say there is no better means of relaxation than music. It has a therapeutic effect. Just ask your hubby to get you a few CDs possibly Indian based ones… you will start humming within no time and forget all about your claustrophobia.
    But I disagree with you on one head—why should you conceal your situation from your spouse? After all, he is the only buddy you have there in a foreign land. Tell him as soon as possible, dear he needs to understand your crisis. Tell him when he is not too busy…I’m sure he will help you out.
    Take care,
    Shreya
     
  9. write2sreejata

    write2sreejata New IL'ite

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    I truly support what Shreya has said, before trying out anything else, you should first go and share whatever you are feeling, good or bad with your husband. Make your hubby your friend first, I am sure he will understand your problem and will try to solve your problem as well. You know what my intuition is saying; you both will soon go for a vacation…Lol!!!!
    Hope it comes true. Share with him dear.
    Love
     
  10. sriparnaguha

    sriparnaguha New IL'ite

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    Hi Sreejata, Shreya and Teesta,
    Thanks a ton for flooding with replies. I really feel proud to be a member of Indus Ladies. It is helping me a lot for overcoming my problems. I will definitely tell my husbands about my problems,, and try to take up each and every idea that you all have suggested. You all don’t know how much comforting your replies are…
    Thanks again
    Love you all,
    Sriparna
     

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