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Tips on Family Relationships

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sonu_627, Jan 24, 2006.

  1. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Meenu,

    Thanks for your kind words. I again wud like to say that after reading this article please refer to Humour post so atleast i can make u smile after making u cry...

    I had also done an intercaste marriage so i know more better the extra hurdles of newly wedded woman. Positiveness and Smile is the only key to get over to these hurdles...



     
  2. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    There's nothing good or bad, Sonu!

    Sonu, I always hate to philosophise especially with young people like you. If you had read my stories you would have seen that I hate to preach.
    But you have raised very deep questions, Sonu and I think I should share what I think I know.
    First there's nothing like good or bad. They are convenient labels appended by us depending on what our senses prefer at that moment. There are only learnings. My presumption in your mother's case appears to be correct. She learnt every thing fast and quit this world probably getting a double promotion in the final stage also.
    Then you have asked about the unborn child. What was the balance of karma for that child?
    Well birth is not our beginning, nor death our end. We were there before our birth and would be still there after the death of our bodies. Some lives are long and some are short because they are just a continuation of existence and not the whole of existence.
    Now I speak to you as a writer. Those days I had to key in the story, take a print out and send it to the mags. Now I send them by email.
    When I take a print out of a new story which say runs into 5 pages (my standard size) the first four pages will be full but the fifth may be full only upto one-fourth of the page. At times the story might get longer and go on to the 6th page. It may end with just 3 lines on the 6th page.
    Now if some one sees the 6th page directly and asks 'Why there are only three lines in this page? Poor 6th page, what sin did it do to get this punishment?' how can we answer her.
    The unborn child's life is the sixth page and the three lines on the page represent the three trimesters the child spent in the mothers womb.
    Each one of us is a perfectly complete book, Sonu, written by the Greatest Writer of All Times, Almighty God. He in his infinite wisdom might write a few lines on a page and at times may leave a page blank. He knows the purpose. And to Him, the unborn child and the world's most powerful king are perfectly equal.
    If I had bored you, please forgive me.
    I regularly read your humour column. In fact I read it in my Gmail itself. At times I just keep the joke pending. And the work-stress builds up I read it and then get on with the work.
    You are doing very good work at IL, Sonu.
    sridhar
     
  3. Sharada

    Sharada Senior IL'ite

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    So sorry Sonu

    Sorry to hear about your mom's demise. My heartfelt condolences to you. Undoubtedly the ones on the angel mother and unborn baby were the most touching. The relationship problems one can somehow face or tackle, but when a fullterm baby dies the tears don't stop rolling.
    On a lighter note - whenever I go for walks with my husband we end up arguing! So before we set out I give him a list of taboo subjects - I'm not the argumentative type, but am very bristly about certain issues and people- so if those are raised the argument begins or I just withdraw and clam up! I had a walking companion for 13 years - recently she and her family shifted to Tumkur. Not once did we argue/get upset or irritated with each other in all those years! But now she also constantly argues with her husband if he joins her for a walk! Any solution for this? - just joking.
    Sharada
     
  4. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks

    Hello Sridhar,

    Actually I needed these answers from a very long time ...After my mom's demise many questions are revoving in my mind. My husband is a great philospher by mind but it was always to me a consoling partner.

    For few years I stayed in Singapore..there is a large number of old population abandoned by their sons and families...Few might had crossed 80 or 90. Very very old enough to do their own work , cant talk well nor can they walk good as they used to do....What GOD had wrote for them???? What about the mentally retarded kids who cant take care of themselves whole life??? Whose sins are they overcoming ??? They are born retarded...

    There was a lady who was born retarded and might had crossed her 35 yrs of age. Her 60 or 70 + mother taking care of her...They get food n clothing from some organisation but it is not enough for them as that country itself is too costly for big family of theirs.. Last time that poor lady was telling me who is goin to take care of that retarded daughter of hers after her ..Her other siblings who are good in health are married and are totally away from this mother,daughter and other two young brother's life...

    Whats their sins or crimes that they are facing such a hard time in their life...I know now God is helping the daughter by her mother means but what after that...

    Life and Death i can understand but what about the lakhs and crore populations who cant even take care of them.. By whose sins they are suffering???
    if we say about fate, destiny or kundali so how can two babies born in same day same time same sec have two different fate.One is born with silver spoon and other's mom doesnt had food to eat???

    Anyways Sridhar yours words are too helpful

    Thanks
    Regards,
    Sonu
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 9, 2006
  5. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Sonu !

    Dear Sonu,
    I have been following this thread continuously.The mother & unborn child fit into the karma theory. The unborn child had to pay the karmic debts by Garbha vasam which is supposed to be one of the most painful stages. The same way, the mother had it written in her Prarabdha karma of going through the agony of losing an unborn child. Everything that is happening at this moment is a result of the choices one has made in the past. It is sad that we make choices unconsciously, but still they are & we have to pay back .
    We throw the net around ourselves by our thoughts, words & deeds, sometimes knowingly & very often unknowingly - but we have to reap the effect. Every action is a karmic episode - by becoming a conscious choice maker, we can generate actions evolutionary for us & for those around us.
    We are suffering our own sins, according to our scriptures. How we live & what we do is entirely in our hands. We have to be continuously aware that every choice we make will generate its effect in future. There is no escaping " we reap what we sow ". we decide our own destiny by our words, actions & thoughts.Let us strive to choose actions which brings happiness & goodwill to others, so that we may be repaying some of our karmic debts.
    Sonu, in the process of expressing my thoughts, may be I confused you more ! But we should stop asking " why this to me " - you are paying back yourself is the only answer, according to our shastras.
    Love & regards,
    Chithra.
     
  6. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    Money factor...

    <table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="2" height="8" width="90%"><tbody><tr><td>[font=MS Sans Serif, MS Serif][font=MS Sans Serif, MS Serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]My money, our money[/font][/font][/font]</td> </tr> <tr> <td height="2">[​IMG]</td> </tr> </tbody></table> [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]In the idyllic early days of a relationship it seems to make a lot of sense to combine financial forces. Unfortunately, a lot of important questions are ignored, such as: [/font]

    • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Is a joint bank account of equal opportunity to both partners?[/font]
    • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Does it unfairly favour either one? [/font]
    • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]What problems would evolve if, for example, the female partner might seek financial independence? [/font]
    • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]What happens if the marriage or relationship breaks up? [/font]
    [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The joint bank account is an indicator of the changes in traditional nuptial patterns. It has taken the much-vaunted ideal of connubial bliss into a new era. Now, many marriages and relationships have become business collaborations where each partner contributes as an individual to the overall survival of the enterprise.

    This sort of partnership must be made to work with as much thought and planning as in the case of a business tie-up. All too frequently, women enter into a marriage thinking that the future holds a life of constant happiness and fulfillment. Managing the household, taking care of young children and the need to earn a living, can soon bring married couples down to earth with a thump.

    Sometimes, this thump takes the form of a break-up. The fact that marriages, like business partnerships and companies, can and do fail often comes as a shock to many people.

    It is important for couples to recognise that all relationship may not necessarily be permanent. And steps ought to be taken to protect their separate interests.

    The joint bank account is an indicator of this enterprise, and can operate in two ways to accommodate the needs of the couple.
    [/font]

    • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The first type of joint account is the 'both must-sign account'. Here, any party can deposit funds into the account. But both parties must sign any cash withdrawals. [/font]
    • [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] The second is the either-to-operate account. In this account, either one can deposit funds to the account and either one can withdraw funds (i.e. signature of both parties is not required). [/font]
    [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Which kind of joint account is best for you?

    Or should you enter a joint account at all?

    One of the best options is for each partner to opens his and her own personal account as well as operate a joint account. The joint account can be used for household expenses while the personal account can be for their own consumption. Each partner is then able to make equal contributions for household expenses while keeping the surplus in their own personal account.

    A relationship that is based on a rational, commonsense financial footing may not stand a greater chance of success, but if it does collapse then the long term consequences are not likely to be as devastating.

    In my view, every woman entering into a permanent relationship should keep this vital fact in mind. Without damaging their opinions of each other, both partners should ensure that they well properly prepared for a rainy day, and that their individual financial position is more secure, in case of a break-up.
    [/font]
     
  7. AGR

    AGR Bronze IL'ite

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    Re:Faith & Belief

    Dear Sonu

    What you have said is okey.......but one thing is missing thats belief & faith......something which your mother had on your father and ur grandmother had on your grandfather...........????? I think if Varalotti has replied to this he would have said lets be watch dogs and not blood hound.........:p
     
  8. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    Importance of sibling relationship

    Importance of sibling relationship

    <!--editPad Importance of sibling relationship

    <INTRO>If you are one of those lucky ones hailing from a time when a family normally consisted of 2 or 3 children born within a few years of each other, you will understand the importance of sibling relationships...</INTRO><IMAGE1>C:\Documents and Settings\Administrator\Desktop\realtion.jpg</IMAGE1><IMAGE2></IMAGE2><IMAGE3></IMAGE3><IMAGEI>C:\Documents and Settings\Administrator\Desktop\ralation_hp.jpg</IMAGEI><ALT1></ALT1><ALT2></ALT2><ALT3></ALT3><KEY>sibling, rivalry, sibling bonds, sisters, family</KEY><ALIGN1>Right</ALIGN1><ALIGN2></ALIGN2><ALIGN3></ALIGN3><ALIGNI>Right</ALIGNI><SECTION1></SECTION1><SECTION2></SECTION2><COVER>0</COVER> editPad-->

    If you are one of those lucky ones hailing from a time when a family normally consisted of 2 or 3 children born within a few years of each other, you will understand the importance of sibling relationships. These days, sadly, it almost seems as if families have shrunk; one no longer boasts of a brother here, another in a different part of the world, and a sister in yet another corner. Siblings - the word itself will soon lose its significance in these times where one or no-kids is the norm.

    For those who enjoy this wonderful relationship, it is very difficult to dispute the importance of sibling bonds. Sibling relationships typically last longer than other family relationships and are often characterized by higher levels of interaction, shared experiences and support. This is especially true when there is nearness in age and when there is a good degree of involvement in each other's lives; this automatically indicates the strong influence that sibling bonds have on a child's life. So much so that traumatic events like parental divorce, or, even the loss of a parent, may make sibling bonds even more crucial. For example, in the case of a divorce between the parents, the sibling bond will play an important role even when weaker relationships with other family members may suffer, and the children grow closer to each other.

    The positive impact of an older sibling who takes on the mantle of a role model for the younger ones cannot be denied. If they are a little older, they automatically assume a nurturing or care-taking role which continues well into adulthood. This is especially so in today's busy world where both parents are out at work, and the elder one is often given the responsibility of 'looking after' the younger sibling.


    Sibling rivalry has its benefits too. Intense competition between siblings may produce better long-term benefits like well developed problem-solving skills. As they grow older, the attachment to each other becomes deep and they are totally committed to the relationship. In fact, in some cases, this sibling bond matures with age and becomes even more important than the filial bond with parents.

    Just want to share this quote about sisters with you -

    "We are family, I have all my sisters with me.
    All the people around us they say, can they be that close?
    Just let me say for the record,
    We're giving love in a family dose."


    If only the population explosion that afflicts our country were non-existent, we could easily go back to those halcyon days when large families bonded with each other right down to distant cousins, and people made time for each other - in short, a time when the world had a more human face.
     
  9. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    Home truths

    Home truths

    <!--editPad Home truths

    <INTRO>In any relationship, you've got to show your feelings; love for one another. When your partner is in an agitated mood, just keep quiet, be cool and respond later. It is important for good-looking </INTRO><IMAGE1>C:\Documents and Settings\Administrator\Desktop\hometruth.jpg</IMAGE1><IMAGE2></IMAGE2><IMAGE3></IMAGE3><IMAGEI>C:\Documents and Settings\Administrator\Desktop\hometruth_hp.jpg</IMAGEI><ALT1></ALT1><ALT2></ALT2><ALT3></ALT3><KEY></KEY><ALIGN1>Right</ALIGN1><ALIGN2></ALIGN2><ALIGN3></ALIGN3><ALIGNI>Right</ALIGNI><SECTION1></SECTION1><SECTION2></SECTION2><COVER>0</COVER> editPad-->


    • In any relationship, you've got to show your feelings; love for one another.
    • When your partner is in an agitated mood, just keep quiet, be cool and respond later.
    • It is important for good-looking women to differentiate between a Genuine and a flattering compliment.
    • Everybody likes to be asked their opinion.
    • No one respects you unless you respect yourself.
    • Love is letting your beloved be what she is rather than what you'd like her to be.
    • You must have, amongst your best friends, someone you've grown up with.
    • Perfectionists tend to be more critical and judgmental of others.
    • One way of disarming a person is to say 'Help me understand'.
    • A partner must help you leverage your strengths and overcome your weaknesses.
    • While dealing with people there would be some who criticize you, genuinely or to protect their own interests. Believe in yourself, internalize the criticism, change as much as you are happy with. Always stand up for what you believe in or else you would lose self-esteem. Do not try and change yourself beyond a point, otherwise you would be unhappy always trying to project yourself as something you are not.
    • When you are helpful , most people reciprocate when you ask for help.
    • Happier are those who forgive and forget.
    • Love is a two-way street.
    • A friend is one with whom you can chat without feeling apprehensive of being judged.
    • It pays more to be assertive than aggressive.
    • Insecurity breeds jealousy.
    • Getting emotional in an argument makes one behave irrationally and lose sight of the big picture.
    • Two individuals, even after the fiercest of fights can continue to be friends for life.
    • People who are not good listeners get isolated, come on strong and believe that they are the best.
    • Disagreement or anger can be better communicated through tone of voice or silence than by raising one's voice.
    • Marriage is all about companionship, sharing, giving your partner space and being there for one another.
    • Husbands and wives have to continuously work on their relationship, add value and spice to it.
    • Couples who do not take each other for granted, respect each other's views, agree to disagree are likely to have a happy married life.
    • Be in touch with your friends during your ups and downs. It will help build lasting relationships.
     
  10. SVS

    SVS New IL'ite

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    Thought provoking words!!

    Dear sonu,

    I just read all the mails in this thread. Just wonderful. Each one is very much thought provoking. The Angel story and abt the mom's feelings were just great. I was literally shaken...You are correct...we take our mom for granted...Today I am going to call my mom and just talk abt her and how much she has sacrificed for our happiness...Thanks to you..

    The last article abt Home truths are very inspirational. Actually we shd read it every morning so that we remember and our day be happy and peaceful....
     

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