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Tips for successful parenting!!

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by cutebarbie, Feb 24, 2015.

  1. cutebarbie

    cutebarbie Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I recently watched airtel super singer junior in vijay tv. I was completely astonished to see the courage of those kids.. How bold they are..how talented..!! I wanted to bring up my DS a very successful person in future.. Talent, skill everything is given by the almighty.. but as a parent, we should also provide all opportunities to our kids. I do not know how i am going to help my son in all such activities.. I am a reserved person.. also a shy woman. I have been good to all my frnds in school, college and also in work place.. But i dont hang out with them.. dont keep in touch with them afterwards.. So i dont have any long time friends.. Now coming to my question, its always good to bring up kids with good manners like being kind, helping, respecting elders etc etc.. But in coming years, do these good behaviors have values in this competitive world..?? My neighbor has a 2 year old DD.. and every time she speaks to her in english even though their mother tongue is different.. I mean she speaks only to her DD in english.. Her hubby also does the same thing.. When asked her, she said " We should talk to our kids in english. Only then their communication skills will develop.. and we should start this right from their early days.." She also reads books to her.. I dont do all such things.. but i want to know which is correct??!! She also tells me to take my 8 month old DS outside, i.e to malls, shopping etc etc.. When asked why..she says.."Only then the kid will become bold, friendly, free with people..be happy etc.."
    I am totally confused..!!
    I do not know what future holds for my DS.. But all i want is, to bring up my DS a very bold, confident person with good morals.
    All moms provide ur suggestion for the same..
     
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  2. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    hi cutebarbie

    To some extent, you are like me. I am good, talk to people, co workers help them in every possible way if needed, i go out of my way, but no long time friends but do not keep in touch with them. Now I have daughter I worry she does not turn out like us.

    About going out, I do like to take her out, because here in US, we do not see lot of people around that too in harsh winters.

    About English, out of love, its my native language mixed with many other languages, that come out of my mouth. Also I do not want to force and confuse my child but would like her to be able to communicate with grandparents back in India. So It would be nice if they know native language little bit. But I can not control myself and talk to baby pre-planned. May be I should...

    I think English anyways they will learn in any part of earth.
    Once she starts pre-school( 8mon now), she would need to learn to communicate her needs to people around. But I heard babies learn fast. So I do not need to bother now.
     
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  3. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi op,

    Kindness, fairness and manners are extremely important even in this world. One who is bold needs to have assertiveness and integrity, not ruthlessness, to succeed.

    the fact that you are actively seeking information to ensure you are doing the right thing for your son indicates that you are on the right track. There are lots of parenting articles Available on various sites which can give us great perspective.

    Speaking solely in English doesn't mean a child will have great communication skills automatically. I live in England and I have seen some indian parents speak solely in English to their child. Unfortunately I've personally seen too many cases for my liking where even the parents' english is quite shaky, filled with grammatical errors and malapropisms. The kids pick this up and by the time they are in school, they neither know their mother tongue nor proper English. As a result communication really suffers.

    Here is where reading comes in. You can find many excellent illustrated children's English books in reputed book shops. (I have been unsuccessful finding good quality books in my mother tongue though) Please start reading to your child now and you will see that your child picks up English too naturally. Reading poetry (English and mother tongue) out aloud to your child would also help a great deal.

    When a child learns more than one language, the benefit to the brain development is tremendous. Plus my husband and I communicste a lot in our mother tongue, we would love our daughter to be able to join in with us. So we do stress on our daughter talking in our mother tongue.

    It is important to take the child out; only by taking the child out can you teach him how to be in public - rules like not picking stuff off the floor, taking softly, staying with mummy and not running away into shops etc. can be introduced and slowly reinforced during outings.

    It is highly recommended that kids under 2 have no screen time at all - tv or iPad or laptop or whatever. It is better that the child learns rhymes, colours and songs from the parents and carers, through books and play rather than the iPad. I would recommend montessori websites which have ideas for various fun activities for a child's development.

    Parents / primary carers are the role models whom kids automatically emulate. So, it is important to set the right example, IMO.

    More than merely the alphabet and numbers, focus on awareness of surroundings, being social and civic sense. Instead of just repeating what we say and answering pre-taught questions, I would suggest the child is asked to apply the knowledge. (Simple Eg. Instead of saying "finger on your lips" and cheering the child on when he listens, you could say, "please be quiet." And appreciate the child if he understands that and puts his finger on his lips or whispers.)

    I personally hate the term obedience. I would like my child to listen to me, yes; but I don't expect blind obedience.
    i also personally do not believe age deserves respect. Age deserves consideration; respect has to be earned. If an adult unnecessarily talks sharply to my DD, she would sternly say, "that's a rude thing to say." Elders have protested; however I back my DD up here if they haven't been respectful to her.
     
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  4. preethiitech

    preethiitech Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @guesshoo

    I admire your replies.. How can you be so clear, elaborate and extensive in each of your replies! :2thumbsup:

    There is no more I can add.. I am speechless :help
     
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  5. bhucat

    bhucat Platinum IL'ite

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    Guesshoo, Nice! crisp and clear ideas of parenting.
     
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  6. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    @preethiitech and @bhucat you are far too kind. And I'm blushing. Thank you.
     
  7. Lavanya30

    Lavanya30 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Guesshoo

    You are just amazing, I really admire your replies, and looking forward to your posts on the parenting queries. I have implemented many of your suggestions with my 28 months DS. Thank you and keep writing.
     
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  8. cutebarbie

    cutebarbie Silver IL'ite

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    @sanjuruby3 and @guesshoo
    thank you so much for your great replies..!!
    I was confused so much before.. but now after reading these kind replies.. i feel much much better..
    thanks again..!!
     
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  9. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    I have bilingual (now thrilingual) children and it has always been stressed that it is extremely important that you speak in your native language to your child. This is because you are a master in your native language and in that way your child will learn a broad and solid native language. Without that solid foundation it is very difficult to learn other languages. You will also need a solid native language skills to be able to grasp more abstract concept in school. If you are speaking to your child in a non-native (a language that you are not a full master of) there is the risk that the pronounciation and vocabulary will be less. If you want your child to learn english better to enroll to some playschool or similar where there are native speakers.

    Good manners and "social intelligence" is required in todays work life. Taking into account other people, behaving respectful, understand that people are different are very important skills. You can be assertive and still have good manners.

    Academics are important but as important are creativity and other "soft skills". Taking your child to see museums, listening to music, playing in park, walk in the nature, travel to see other cultures are things that will be very developing for your child. Playing with other children will develop their social skills, having a pet (if possible) will nurture the child, having some boring and relaxing time is also good. We tend to have to hectic lives for our children. The brain also need rest.
     
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  10. Joyoflife

    Joyoflife Gold IL'ite

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    Guesshoo I am in love with your posts. I almost do most of the things you have mentioned here with my dd, but if had to explain and elaborate I could never do it so well. Your posts win my heart.:2thumbsup:
     
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