Tie The Knot At Extravagant Wedding

jayasala42 · Sep 16, 2024

ON JULY I ATTENDED AN ENGAGEMENT CEREMOMY AT A wedding hall in Madras.

There were about 400 people.Fancy floral decors and arch like electrical fittings

attracted one and all. one may wonder about the status of the family. The brides father

is a peon working in a school and his wife is a servant maid at our house.

This was grander than Ambani's wedding for their status.This made me introspect

a lot and the result was my article "tie the knot at extravagant wedding"published in

the Hindu on 19 th Aug 2024

Tie the knot at extravagant wedding
---------------------------------------------
In olden days all marriages were conducted at homes at pandals extending to seven or eight houses and sumptuous food would be served on pyols( thinnai) of all the houses.

Now with nuclear family in place ,it is natural that everyone wants to conduct the marriages in the grandest manner possible.

Noisy scenes, loads of food,women clad in Kanchipuram silks,smoky rituals,kids crying for laddus,nosy relatives eyeing for the tiniest flaw- all symbolic of middle class Indian wedding.

Even mini A/ C halls are charging Rs 50,000 per half a day. Apart from the hall, catering, purchase of jewels and garments ,one is more concerned about the return gifts, classified severally between near family members, extended families,close friends and mere acquaintances.The issue that starts as discussion invariably ends in quarrels and conflicts spoiling the very atmosphere.Not to talk of sibling rivalry.The person reapingthe harvest is the gift shop owner.

The guests who arrive at the wedding hall with handsome gifts normally expect reciprocity.The main motive of entertaining the guests has resulted in mushrooming of gift items ranging from stylish tambulam bags,statues of Gods, decorative lamps,jewellery bags, conch shell items,small shrubs,grand stone studded Holy Cross , glass enclosed Holy Allah etc. These articles chosen after much thought process, stainless steel platesa nd bowls with broken edges occupy the dirtiest corner of the attic ,considered as contemptuous clatter ultimately attaining salvation merging into garbage in due course.

Marriage,the unique moment that marks the beginning of a new life, is an opportunity to make lasting memories and impress the guests in one’s own inimitable style.Tons and tons of instructions emphasizing the need for simple marriages have been in air.But ego centric set up,ornate settings , floral decors and other extravaganzas flourish with greater vigour.

Perhaps this has become a tradition in our country that believes in’Athithi Devo Bhava’( treat guests as divine)The hospitality speaks volumes of the rich values.But undue magnanimity keeps the guests in much embarassment making them feel indebted and the vicious circle continues.

Rigorous organizing and planning of weddings have brought in a new class of business,Wedding Planners. In essence wedding halls have turned into business houses replete with emotional exhortion or even emotional terrorism.

With sky scrapping prices ,is there any justification for such gala celebrations?In view of the great scientific advancement,there is no wonder that marriage has attained the status of an industry that sproutsa host of allied businesses.There is a boom in caterers,jewellery shops,textiles,beauty parlour, vedic pundits, musicians,and gift shops, not to speak of flower, grocery and vegetable dealers.Generous social workers have the opportunity to collect left over foods and distribute among have nots and orphans.

In a year, about 150 days are considered inauspicious . By extravagant spending,the hosts are perhaps compensating for no-business days.

After all human life is intended for Paropakara. Why do we get deprived of the fruits of Athithi Satkar, attained through ego satisfaction or at the cost of sweat and blood of the poorer class?

Young brides and grooms,You spend many long hours in planning your mega wedding.Get along. Let the society thrive with your funds.
But add one more agenda.Devote a few quality hours in realising your social responsibility of assuring everlasting marital harmony notwithstanding normal conflicts ,a part of married life.This,in essence,amounts to building a stable healthy society.
“ Happiness is not a matter of intensity,but of balance,order,rhythm and harmony” Thomas Merton.
JAYASALA42

(Vathsala Jayaraman

vathsalaj@yahoo.com)

Thyagarajan · Sep 16, 2024

Kudos to madam sister @jayasala42 for sharing her The Hindu article for IL members. I read it with interest. The picture is 100 % describes the life line of modern weddings especially in India and particularly in South India. Creativity gleams right from the design wordings pics and preparation of invitation with attractive envelope.

Extravaganza or and splurge thy name is Hindu Wedding. Show of wealth is a must for host and the guests. Silk is a must. Invitation - the yellow pink one - carries the message inter alia that "with blessings of Kanchi mahan" but he advocated against silk production .

It is a kind of competition that leaves middle class and lower middle class in debts. Gifts are even rotated like blouse piece during navarathri festival. Many gifts are either sold back at the same or other giftshop or rewrapped and gifted on another occasion.
Many would be surprised to receive the item gifted by them returned to them as gift to them repacked on a different occasion.

In Chennai many cinema theatres are refurbished and converted to wedding halls. Marriage in modern days is more for convenience and a business and in any business show is sine qua non.

HariLakhera · Sep 17, 2024

Modern-day Weddings.
Gone are the days when the bride's face was covered in Ghoonghat Even middle-class families are hiring the services of event managers, bride and bridegroom rehearsing dance steps days before the wedding and performing before the guests. The excuse is the opportunity comes once in a lifetime.

Thyagarajan · Sep 17, 2024

Evolution they name is civilisation. In Advanced civilisation every aspect evolves and revolutionised. So is the marriage.

I hv queer instances wherein the bride is squatting with groom with their baby on lap of her mother.
And in a baby shower, the hired mother* in sixth month of her pregnancy while the parents of the would be seated at a distance on the stage.

Marriage landscape had gone a sea of change. It is a mix of tradition following and bit revolutionary thinking.

*Surrogacy is an arrangement, often supported by a legal agreement, whereby a woman agrees to childbirth on behalf of another person(s) who will become the child's parent(s) after birth. People pursue surrogacy for a variety of reasons such as infertility, dangers or undesirable factors of pregnancy, or when pregnancy is a medical impossibility.

RatnaMalliswari · Sep 17, 2024

jayasala42 said: ↑

ON JULY I ATTENDED AN ENGAGEMENT CEREMOMY AT A wedding hall in Madras.

There were about 400 people.Fancy floral decors and arch like electrical fittings

attracted one and all. one may wonder about the status of the family. The brides father

is a peon working in a school and his wife is a servant maid at our house.

This was grander than Ambani's wedding for their status.This made me introspect

a lot and the result was my article "tie the knot at extravagant wedding"published in

the Hindu on 19 th Aug 2024

Tie the knot at extravagant wedding
---------------------------------------------
In olden days all marriages were conducted at homes at pandals extending to seven or eight houses and sumptuous food would be served on pyols( thinnai) of all the houses.

Now with nuclear family in place ,it is natural that everyone wants to conduct the marriages in the grandest manner possible.

Noisy scenes, loads of food,women clad in Kanchipuram silks,smoky rituals,kids crying for laddus,nosy relatives eyeing for the tiniest flaw- all symbolic of middle class Indian wedding.

Even mini A/ C halls are charging Rs 50,000 per half a day. Apart from the hall, catering, purchase of jewels and garments ,one is more concerned about the return gifts, classified severally between near family members, extended families,close friends and mere acquaintances.The issue that starts as discussion invariably ends in quarrels and conflicts spoiling the very atmosphere.Not to talk of sibling rivalry.The person reapingthe harvest is the gift shop owner.

The guests who arrive at the wedding hall with handsome gifts normally expect reciprocity.The main motive of entertaining the guests has resulted in mushrooming of gift items ranging from stylish tambulam bags,statues of Gods, decorative lamps,jewellery bags, conch shell items,small shrubs,grand stone studded Holy Cross , glass enclosed Holy Allah etc. These articles chosen after much thought process, stainless steel platesa nd bowls with broken edges occupy the dirtiest corner of the attic ,considered as contemptuous clatter ultimately attaining salvation merging into garbage in due course.

Marriage,the unique moment that marks the beginning of a new life, is an opportunity to make lasting memories and impress the guests in one’s own inimitable style.Tons and tons of instructions emphasizing the need for simple marriages have been in air.But ego centric set up,ornate settings , floral decors and other extravaganzas flourish with greater vigour.

Perhaps this has become a tradition in our country that believes in’Athithi Devo Bhava’( treat guests as divine)The hospitality speaks volumes of the rich values.But undue magnanimity keeps the guests in much embarassment making them feel indebted and the vicious circle continues.

Rigorous organizing and planning of weddings have brought in a new class of business,Wedding Planners. In essence wedding halls have turned into business houses replete with emotional exhortion or even emotional terrorism.

With sky scrapping prices ,is there any justification for such gala celebrations?In view of the great scientific advancement,there is no wonder that marriage has attained the status of an industry that sproutsa host of allied businesses.There is a boom in caterers,jewellery shops,textiles,beauty parlour, vedic pundits, musicians,and gift shops, not to speak of flower, grocery and vegetable dealers.Generous social workers have the opportunity to collect left over foods and distribute among have nots and orphans.

In a year, about 150 days are considered inauspicious . By extravagant spending,the hosts are perhaps compensating for no-business days.

After all human life is intended for Paropakara. Why do we get deprived of the fruits of Athithi Satkar, attained through ego satisfaction or at the cost of sweat and blood of the poorer class?

Young brides and grooms,You spend many long hours in planning your mega wedding.Get along. Let the society thrive with your funds.
But add one more agenda.Devote a few quality hours in realising your social responsibility of assuring everlasting marital harmony notwithstanding normal conflicts ,a part of married life.This,in essence,amounts to building a stable healthy society.
“ Happiness is not a matter of intensity,but of balance,order,rhythm and harmony” Thomas Merton.
JAYASALA42

(Vathsala Jayaraman

vathsalaj@yahoo.com)
Click to expand...

Hello @jayasala42
People have become crazy to spend, among people this kind attitude is developed,if you pay you can get it done everything .
Mam today I read content related to eco friendly marriage.please do find time to read post of mine titled Another Kind Of Marriage.
Regards
Ratna

sln · Sep 21, 2024

jayasala42 said: ↑

ON JULY I ATTENDED AN ENGAGEMENT CEREMOMY AT A wedding hall in Madras.

There were about 400 people.Fancy floral decors and arch like electrical fittings

attracted one and all. one may wonder about the status of the family. The brides father

is a peon working in a school and his wife is a servant maid at our house.

This was grander than Ambani's wedding for their status.This made me introspect

a lot and the result was my article "tie the knot at extravagant wedding"published in

the Hindu on 19 th Aug 2024

Tie the knot at extravagant wedding
---------------------------------------------
In olden days all marriages were conducted at homes at pandals extending to seven or eight houses and sumptuous food would be served on pyols( thinnai) of all the houses.

Now with nuclear family in place ,it is natural that everyone wants to conduct the marriages in the grandest manner possible.

Noisy scenes, loads of food,women clad in Kanchipuram silks,smoky rituals,kids crying for laddus,nosy relatives eyeing for the tiniest flaw- all symbolic of middle class Indian wedding.

Even mini A/ C halls are charging Rs 50,000 per half a day. Apart from the hall, catering, purchase of jewels and garments ,one is more concerned about the return gifts, classified severally between near family members, extended families,close friends and mere acquaintances.The issue that starts as discussion invariably ends in quarrels and conflicts spoiling the very atmosphere.Not to talk of sibling rivalry.The person reapingthe harvest is the gift shop owner.

The guests who arrive at the wedding hall with handsome gifts normally expect reciprocity.The main motive of entertaining the guests has resulted in mushrooming of gift items ranging from stylish tambulam bags,statues of Gods, decorative lamps,jewellery bags, conch shell items,small shrubs,grand stone studded Holy Cross , glass enclosed Holy Allah etc. These articles chosen after much thought process, stainless steel platesa nd bowls with broken edges occupy the dirtiest corner of the attic ,considered as contemptuous clatter ultimately attaining salvation merging into garbage in due course.

Marriage,the unique moment that marks the beginning of a new life, is an opportunity to make lasting memories and impress the guests in one’s own inimitable style.Tons and tons of instructions emphasizing the need for simple marriages have been in air.But ego centric set up,ornate settings , floral decors and other extravaganzas flourish with greater vigour.

Perhaps this has become a tradition in our country that believes in’Athithi Devo Bhava’( treat guests as divine)The hospitality speaks volumes of the rich values.But undue magnanimity keeps the guests in much embarassment making them feel indebted and the vicious circle continues.

Rigorous organizing and planning of weddings have brought in a new class of business,Wedding Planners. In essence wedding halls have turned into business houses replete with emotional exhortion or even emotional terrorism.

With sky scrapping prices ,is there any justification for such gala celebrations?In view of the great scientific advancement,there is no wonder that marriage has attained the status of an industry that sproutsa host of allied businesses.There is a boom in caterers,jewellery shops,textiles,beauty parlour, vedic pundits, musicians,and gift shops, not to speak of flower, grocery and vegetable dealers.Generous social workers have the opportunity to collect left over foods and distribute among have nots and orphans.

In a year, about 150 days are considered inauspicious . By extravagant spending,the hosts are perhaps compensating for no-business days.

After all human life is intended for Paropakara. Why do we get deprived of the fruits of Athithi Satkar, attained through ego satisfaction or at the cost of sweat and blood of the poorer class?

Young brides and grooms,You spend many long hours in planning your mega wedding.Get along. Let the society thrive with your funds.
But add one more agenda.Devote a few quality hours in realising your social responsibility of assuring everlasting marital harmony notwithstanding normal conflicts ,a part of married life.This,in essence,amounts to building a stable healthy society.
“ Happiness is not a matter of intensity,but of balance,order,rhythm and harmony” Thomas Merton.
JAYASALA42

(Vathsala Jayaraman

vathsalaj@yahoo.com)
Click to expand...

sln · Sep 21, 2024

An authentic presentation of the current scenario of weddings.In those days it was mandatory to invite the grooms parents for food but today nobody bothers.The extended wedding procedures ie one evening,one whole day and one morning leaves you exhausted physically as well as financially.Every one gets carried away and it hits you hard when inflated bills are presented by the Mandap manager and caterer not to speak of the photographer.With all this the seventh vow of love and friendship forever is not guaranteed as matrimonial relationships are turning fragile as days progress. It is time that girls insist on simple weddings as well as sharing of wedding expenses.

Thyagarajan · Sep 22, 2024

Second marriage after divorce was conducted in registrar’s office in a hush hush manner with I being one of the three witnesses followed by a visit to nearby temple of lord Murugan and for about twenty persons lunch ticket provided in advance in a nearby hotel. Few photos clicked with Kodak black & white roll talking about 12 snaps. Celebration over and I hv given farewell to couple boarding train to a Honeywell destination. All expenses financed by me in 1978.

In 2001 the couple’s son -an MD - finished Specialisation in nephrology to marry his - psychiatry specialised - medical class mate demanded a simple marriage . But the girl side orthodox Brahmin parents desired decent marriage with usual nitchyadhartham and marriage without janavasam.

That was a simple marriage with invitees not more than about fifty from the side of girl and groom. The couple is doing well with good practise employing their class mates in their own hospital in Trichy.

It looks to me the rituals pomp and show all waste energy effort and time but rich have no qualms about spending splurging but the middle class committed to many emi’s are imitating the rich marriages are turning impoverished.