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Three curious questions about relationships..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anika987, Jul 17, 2014.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Three questions which I am very curious about!

    Let us say if one had gfs or a bfs b4 their wedding and have also gone physical..

    1) After wedding,will u be truthful to ur wife/husband for good?coz after some time even the most loved of couples get bored a bit and some even want to spice up their life and hvae affairs. People who have never had gf or bf themselves have an affair, so when u already know how it feels like b4 wedding,will u think"I have done it b4 so why not now?no guilt anyways!"

    2)Can you u give up being with other girls or boys and be truthful to the one u marry FOREVER????

    3)Are u OK if ur girl or guy has lots of boyfriends and have been physical with other guys/girls b4 the wedding??


    Answer from me:

    I have never had a bf.I love my dh a lot and there have been times when life has been boring and yes! I have looked at other guys but never go physical.Plus I have a major guilt factor and I am not gutsy enough to have an affair.
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2014
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  2. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    The curious case(s) of Kalpanasrikanths(common noun) who starts aging backwards after marriage...
     
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  3. HeartHealer

    HeartHealer Guest

    Hi Kalpanasrikanth,

    Thanks for writing to us.

    Let me answer your question one by one




    This question itself has three parts.
    Firstly, whatever relationship you were in ( physical or not ), I feel, you should honestly tell about your past affairs to the person you're going to get married to. Marriage is not a temporary thing. When it happens, it happens for a lifetime. So, it ( as all other relationships ) require both the individuals to maintain a transparent bond.
    You just cannot hide these things and get married. These are few things which will surface out someday. And, if your husband didn't like your idea of hiding such a big thing from him, your married life will become a headache.
    Same, I suppose, goes for your husband too. What if you come to know he had a girlfriend ( whom he is still in contact with or not in contact with ) but kept her hidden for so many years from you. How would you feel then?
    So, its always better to clear things before marriage and not keep anything secret. After all, he's going to be your future partner. If he cannot accept you, just like who and what you're, he can break the marriage and choose someone else fit for him.
    So, "After Marriage" is a wrong word. It should be "Before Marriage".

    Secondly, "most loved of couples get bored a bit and some even want to spice up their life and have affairs", is completely a wrong question. If you love someone truly, you'll understand love never dies ( if that's what you're trying to say ). Love has a very broad meaning than you perhaps think of it. Love never dies and just like Energy changes its form, Love transforms into Care, Responsibility, even Fights, Bonding, etc.

    Yes, romance may decrease a bit with passing time. There's a difference between Romance and Love. Love is a feeling, while Romance is mainly physical way of showcasing Love. Romance decrease because there's a lot to put to in life except for making love 24*7. After few years of marriage, when a couple becomes parents, they have an added responsibility of their children, tensions of their future, financial stability, etc. These things contribute a lot towards decreasing Romance from one's life. But, yes, if right amounts of efforts are put in, you can regain Romance back in your married life.


    Third, couples who want to "spice up" their life by entering into clandestine relationships or extra marital affair, don't spice up their lives. Instead, they put their life at misery. You cannot sail on two boats at the same time, you will fall. Similar things happen with relationships.

    So, its really a pathetic idea to enter in a extra marital relationship with someone. Even if you had a relationship in past or not, hen you have your husband/wife along, I don't feel there's any need for you to establish a clandestine relationship with someone else, until of course, you don't love your life.





    Well, this thing is difficult but not impossible. You need to understand few things if you're going to get married to someone else, when you have just broke up with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
    Memories, will never fade off. They will always stick to you forever. So, people who believe, they can forget their past after getting married, are wrong. Moments that you have shared, places that you have visited, events that you were a part of or anything that you di with your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, will never leave your mind. You can over indulge yourself with work or different responsibilities, but at some point in time, when you're alone, these memories return back.
    So, you can simply give up to the fact that, you will have to live with that.

    We all humans have a tendency to compare our present partner with past one ( ex boyfriend/girlfriend ). This is very wrong. The person, who is with you right now, has decided to dedicate his complete life to you. It's your responsibility to be loyal to him/her and respect him/her as a different individual. He/She might not be as good as your past partner, but he/she is trying his/her level best to make a place in your heart, which he/she deserves too.

    So, if you think you cannot be truthful and loyal to your husband/wife, you should be clear from start and spare him/her from marrying you and repent later on. He/she is free to live his/her life. Don't be a reason for someone's misery.




    3)Are u OK if ur girl or guy has lots of boyfriends and have been physical with other guys/girls b4 the wedding??

    Yes, if you ask me, I am okay, AS LONG AS she promises to remain loyal and faithful to me for entire life. If I am a person who never had a relationship ( never had, indeed ), I will not tolerate if she, after getting married to me, still hangs up or establishes any contacts with her past boyfriends. This is a question mark on her loyalty towards me. No matter what, if I have accepted her as she is, she has to put an end to all her past relationships ( physical or not physical ) with any other person who was or claims to be her ex-boyfriend.

    Maintain a relationship with minimal difference, that's always good.

    Be clear, be transparent to your future partner. He/She is unknown of your past, its not his/her mistake that your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend didn't materialize. He/She is there to be with you, support you throughout your life, no matter what. And, if you can't promise him/her a place in your heart, better would be to spare him/her from any pains, reasons for which will be you. You simply don't deserve him/her.



    I believe, I answered your questions to your satisfaction.

    Ma'am, Love is a very beautiful and sacred feeling. Please don't consider it filthy by the way it is projected or done nowadays.


     
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  4. kishoreg

    kishoreg Gold IL'ite

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    These days (EMA) became common, past or present but the future lies in your hand, why to spoil the good environment, if something goes wrong how can these people show their faces to their kids?

    its the commitment and love that matters rather than such minute pleasure sort of things
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2014
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  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    very good answer heathealer!
     
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  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    ha ha nothing like that..just read another OP's old post about his physical relationships b4 wedding and he is planning to settle down with another gal..

    So after reading his post and hearing so many EMA stories I just posted this question.
     
  7. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    So, are you asking for permission and acceptance here to have an affair or need encouragement for the above by like minded people?
     
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  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I don't think OP means it that way..
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2014
  9. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    .. Ok ..
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2014
  10. bathalatha

    bathalatha Bronze IL'ite

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