This time Ladki-wale were the PARTYPOOPERS!!

Looks like the passionate one has stirred up a storm here!!


Yesican, when you start saying the OP is lying..there then is a problem at the scratch. All you have is what OP put here in the first place..so..take it or leave it. Make your analysis and comments based on what OP put here. If you go beyond and start doubting and accusing her of lying etc, then you are going out of bounds and taking it toooo personal to yourself! We all too don't know any thing you say is true or not, if you are a woman or not etc etc. Don't stress out too much, you don't have any personal vendetta towards the OP..do you??

I am all for women (I have many sisters and numerous cousins and girl friends). I am all for supporting the traditions with their original intentions. I don't think any of those traditions are made with bad intentions. And as long as they are followed with a correct attitude, they are a lot of fun and meaningful.

What is wrong with the welcoming the future relatives with joy and 'entrusting the woman to the in-laws plus bidding farewell' (Entrusting - doesn't mean that she is a helpless orphan being passed over. It just means that parents are symbolically giving their daughter's hand into the in-laws hands and reminding that from now on she will be one in their family too. I see this act only making the bonds tighter and making the in-laws aware that she will have to treated as one among their own from now on. Bidding farewell (Bidaai)- doesn't mean she isn't ever going see her parents..it is just that she is symbolically being parted from her family tree and being added to a different family). Usually girls go back next evening to their parents home for some poojas and such.) I don't see any reason to belittle these traditions at all.

Now for some here wondering why the bride's mom is given a chance to plan the wedding - can't you see the pattern here? The bride's mom is the Hitler here. She is the in-charge and she wouldn't let anyone handle anything. The bride's mom wants to run the show. Even if people don't like some things, if they are honest and open - they would at the least come forth and say, "I don't like such and such traditions, so I don't plan to do them". But looks like she didn't even mention any of these before hand and just backed off last moment. When my sister got married to her classmate 10 years ago, my parents didn't want to do a ceremony, where they wash my BIL's feet. Everybody agreed before hand and the wedding was smooth. What is wrong in coming forward and mentioning the other party "certain traditions don't go well with us and we want to avoid them"? This would help the other party to be prepared and know what to expect, instead of wondering why they didn't do it when it is all a symbolism of merging of two families.

I certainly pity Groom's parents, for their gutless son (poor guy couldn't have done much with his monster MIL on his back all the time). And I totally disapprove his lack of sensibility about spending time with his parents. There should be a limit to how much you bend over backwards to please your bride and her 'pride' at the expense of your 'ex' family ('ex'.. according to some of you, now that the new bride (of more than 2 years!!) is the only family he should be caring about!!!).

More than anything from this discussion, I want to say this. Even though this is a internet forum, from all the years I've been reading here, this forum shaped up like a family. I know many here along with their family stories, their hobbies, their nature (funny/bubbly/intelligent/ caring/spiritual/thoughtful etc).

Let us hope to keep it that way and let us not spoil this and turn it into another trashy forum where people just for passing time, abuse and accuse other posters who share their experiences and are trying to get a point across.

APO, Thanks for sharing your experience. I certainly agree that not always the bride and her folks are on the victim side in these kinds of wasteful weddings (with the purpose lost). I have seen and heard of a few of these weddings where are Groom and his family wished that the whole thing was just a bad dream.

 

sorry i didn't mean to say that you have no life outside this forum. if it was implied in my post i am sorry. i havent been to many weddings in india personally and i only got to hear many stories about weddings only in this forum. so i assumed that was the case with u as well.

 

Actually you are right in that I haven't been to too many weddings in India (although lucky me, I get my chance next year :bonk). Most of my experiences are with weddings (both Indian and non) here in the US.

I was kind of joking about the part about not having a life outside of this forum. I know you didn't mean it that way. :thumbsup

 

To be very frank,i did not see any major disrespect done by bride's family.
They gave good reception,good gifts i mean little mistakes in folllowing traditions or doing things their way can be forgiven and avoided.
These kind of small things happen in a lot of marriages.
bride's party was late by 1 hour..i mean this is little rude but understandable also.During marriages...everybody is so tired..bride's parents have lots of things to do before wedding day,they have their guests too,,may be they were not able to get up so early in the morning because they were tired or were not habitual of it..
To me it sounds like more of a ego problem that grooms people were not welcomed at the gate.These are small things which can be avoided.

I have heard in many marriages clashes over shopping and choices.I mean this is normal.

Also,,for the bidaai thing...i am not able to understand why groom's parents did not speak up if it was such a big thing for them .They could have said no we had no idea about friday thing and our son is leaving after 3 days we also want to spend some time with our daughetr in law.

Groom mother could ask gently when that particular tradition will be performed.Its very important tradition in our family let's do it.Did they ask them oh we discussed about it before we were actually waiting for that particular ritual.You have got to at least convey and if they chose not to then why are they complaining now?

They themselves did not speak up and expecting bride's family to do things the way they told them to do.If they are not speaking obviously they will be taken advantage of.

About giving envelope to sil..so what?i did not see any major disrespect in that too.It may be part of bride's family rituals and in Indian marriages people give enveloped with money to relatives for almost every small traditions so that they won't be blamed later on.
major traditions were done at the engagement...bride must not have felt good returning the used thali whatever that's why she gave envelope.Anything could be the reason.What is so big about it.Why to take it on ego?

And most important thing if groom did not spend time with his family and wanted to be with his new bride which is very much understood its just that he could not understand his parent's feelings and they also did not convey it to him...whatever its groom's mistake.How are bride side party poopers?


Other thing different people have different nature,different style of doing things,different culture.things which are very important for one family may not be that important for other family.
Some people are very warm and some people are not that warm natured.Some people are very social and some people are not that social.Some people don't have enough maturity to handle other people so that they won't feel bad.No two person are same.
It is completely wastage of time and energy to think...why they did not things like this?Because there may be different things which are more important to them and not the things which are important to us.

I would say these are small things..just forget about it.No matter how good a marriage is performed people find something or the other to complaint.

 

OP, in the entire story the groom doctor bechara just came out to be a "chicken"

I wonder how his life will be, taking ORDERS?

 

APO,

if the wedding ceremony is agreed to be 'traditional' it is reasonable for parents to expect traditional things and be upset if they are not met even though it is the day of the couple. My sympathies for the parents in this case. I do not support the views that the parents are inconsequential. Then the couple could have gone with a registered marriage or some other kinda marriage. If they told parents to expect traditional wedding and if something are a surprise they can rightly feel disappointed.

That said, in every wedding there are a few things that are not perfect. Murphy's law. Overall every wedding has a few things that go wrong despite best efforts.

In your story, the groom seems to have shown no backbone at all and let down his people. That probably hurt the parents more than everything else.

 

Yesican,

Your post is extremely judgmental and rude. I sincerely hope that you did not intend for it to come out this way.

None of us here know the entire story in ANY threads here. We only hear one side of the story and we assume that the OP is speaking the truth. So, why, suddenly, would you accuse the OP of lying and 'tale embroidering'? Is it because you believe that brides and their families can never do harm / evil? Is it because you think that ONLY men's families are capable of bad behavior???

Also, regarding the groom spending the entire 10 days with his family - you make a LOT of assumptions about the groom not being close to his family or maybe his parents would have complained about the wedding which he wanted to avoid etc etc etc. In short, you are EXTREMELY biased against the groom's side - and it appears to me that this may be your attitude about men and their families IN GENERAL.

Regardless of how close one is to one's parents, once one is married, it is only fair for a couple to spend time equally with both sides of the family. The groom did not come into the Earth fully grown and with a medical degree under his belt. His family has sweated and toiled for him for him to reach where he is today, just like HER family sweated and toiled for her to reach where she is today. It is common courtesy for the bride, therefore, to acknowledge and respect her in-laws' wishes to spend time with their son and with her. It doesn't matter if she is attached at the hip to her own parents - she is no longer single, but a married woman whose family has now expanded to include her spouse's parents and siblings as well. So the excuse that the bride is probably soooo close to her own family while the hubby is not etc etc etc does not cut it. If she is so close to her own family that she cannot see beyond them, then she should not have married, PERIOD. Mama's boys and Daddy's Princesses should stay single!!!

And SHAME on the husband for not standing up for his sister or for his parents and letting his bride know that they should be spending time EQUALLY with both her parents AND his. It is CERTAINLY inconsiderate of him to completely ignore his own parents and to disrespect / disregard their desires to spend time with him and his wife.

As for your assumption that he is standing up for his wife's happiness and against unacceptable traditions - HELLO, if you are such an adult, then be upfront about it and let your parents know about it upfront, so that they are not shocked and caught unawares at the wedding!!!! Furthermore, your ASSUMPTION that he is avoiding his family BECAUSE they might have raked up this issue post-wedding is just that - AN ASSUMPTION.

Please do not add assumptions to the OP and come up with scenarios just so you can defend the appalling behavior of a woman and her family. Only respond to what has been posted here. Not all men's families are Devil Incarnate and not all women's families are innocent angels. So, seeking to justify outrageous behavior just because it was exhibited by a woman's family is not only unfair, it is also extremely insulting to men's families.

 

hi friends,

i guess this thread has gone on for just too long. (APO)Poor girl she was just trying to sympathize with the parents of the groom family, nothing more, nothing less.

I guess most of the time we all get to hear stories about DIl being ill treated by her IL, here she was trying to tell us, that in some case even the MIL and FIL also gets illtreated ...

I personally know of families in india were there have been good MILs and very bad DIL and homes where DIL is a darling while the MIL a terror, so what's the issue????

Good and bad people our everywhere, I personally do not like to label people as bad or good but believe its the circumstances which make them so, yet the thumb rule is, if you can not do good do not do bad either.

What ever the situation basic etiquette should be maintained, after all it can be an important day for the bride and the groom but if a function has been arranged rather make it pleasant one.

Yes the biggest stupidity in this scenario is of the girl and the boy both, they should have not bothered with this kind of wedding were both the side of the families were not happy, instead gone for a registered marriage.

Anyway all said and done, lets hope the bride and groom are now having a gud married life, since alls well that ends well..................:rotfl:rotfl

 

If my brother wants to have a crappy wedding, and so long as HE is happy with it, I really don't care how it goes. It's his big day. My mom's already had hers. I've already had mine. If he wants to be a doormat for his future wife, that's his problem. If she wants to treat me bad during the wedding functions, that's her option.... just like it's then my option to confront her about it or ignore her forever hence forth. If she wants to slack on the wedding prep, it's not my day she's ruining... it's hers! So.... why should I get flustered about something that's not my right to be flustered over?//

I totally agree with ASG..

In my wedding, some ceremonies were cut short cos my DH doesn't like rituals.. (Ofcourse nobody had any problems with that!)

If the guy didn't like a few rituals, will his parents feel disrespected and hold a grudge??? Why is that you have double standards?