1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

This time Ladki-wale were the PARTYPOOPERS!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by APassionateOne, Jun 8, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. sruthi1981

    sruthi1981 Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    84
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear friend ASuitableGirl. I greatly appreciate your contribution and helping nature in rendering advice to people. I gathered that you are born and bred in a foreign country and not in India, so your approach towards life and others and views about marriage would definetely be different than the one from India. And sometimes (not all the time) and in some rare sitation, these approaches may not work. I am just bringing this opinion of mine out to not only you but everybody, just so they know.

    Marriage is (but not life) between two people. Even these two people at some point of time will need company (if not support), they cannot live satisified lives in such set-up. And when they realise that ,. they would find themseleves distanced from everybody so much that they cannot reach back to them.
    Sruthi.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2010
  2. APassionateOne

    APassionateOne New IL'ite

    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    You know ASG, if you look the world through the ‘doubt and disgust’ glasses, every one will look like an ‘evil-plan Hatcher and a criticizer’. I don’t have to be a guest to analyze these things; I can be any one remotely connected to the family and anyone who knew the family and their persona, to feel the insults towards them.

    You are saying you have a brother, so I challenge you to stay supportive to the couple and the bride’s parents, in spite of any rudeness towards your folks by the bride’s side ( I sincerely hope your parents don’t have to go through what that other family encountered). I hope you can support all the comments you made here and calm your parents down and support the bride and her family, without any streak of anger and sadness in your heart.
    Things and their outlook always depend on which side of the fence you are on.

    Oddly enough, I agree with you on one thing though. I think everyone should employ those wedding package planners, so all the traditions etc are done by the third party without much blame to the bride’s side or groom’ side. And for kicks, the Bridal party and the Groom party can gang up together and bash up the ‘wedding package’ guys. It will be a fun-bonding time for all.
     
  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,369
    Likes Received:
    365
    Trophy Points:
    183
    Gender:
    Female
    I really don't know what you are talking about. Doubt and disgust? Evil plan hatcher?? I'm totally lost as to what you are talking about.

    If my brother wants to have a crappy wedding, and so long as HE is happy with it, I really don't care how it goes. It's his big day. My mom's already had hers. I've already had mine. If he wants to be a doormat for his future wife, that's his problem. If she wants to treat me bad during the wedding functions, that's her option.... just like it's then my option to confront her about it or ignore her forever hence forth. If she wants to slack on the wedding prep, it's not my day she's ruining... it's hers! So.... why should I get flustered about something that's not my right to be flustered over?

    I never supported the bride in this story. All I said was, it's between the couple, and if the groom didn't like what was going on, HE should have spoken up. And how the couple decides to spend their time is up to them. How do YOU know they aren't planning a visit to HIS parents at a later date? And you still haven't answered whether or not the groom was happy with the wedding.
    That's what wedding planners are for. They're used in many weddings in the US to avoid stress and conflict.

    It seems to me, when one side is happy the other is not, and vice versa. For example, my mil thinks my dh's wedding to his ex was the world's most sensational wedding in the history of mankind. Yet on the phone, the ex sounded like she thought the wedding sucked and my husband's family 'showed their true colors'. So you see, one wedding.... two very different perceptions. It's odd that weddings, supposedly symbols of love and unity, have turned into hate fests and ego matches. Sorry to say, it has made me loath weddings. Except for the food, I still love that part.
     
  4. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,211
    Likes Received:
    13,034
    Trophy Points:
    445
    Gender:
    Female
    Some of the posts here are appallingly rude! Why attack the OP personally? So you don't like her post or her point of view, fine. But why call her names? Can't the discourse remain polite and courteous?
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2010
  5. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    375
    Likes Received:
    371
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear APassionateOne,

    I feel your pain. I agree there are all kinds of people in this world. The boy's parents might have felt really bad about his behavior. In Indian context, it is indeed weird that they are not involved in the after-marriage rituals.

    In my opinion, a marriage is between the bride and groom. That is very true. It is all about the couple. But a wedding belongs to lot more people. starting with the couple's parents, sibling, friends etc because really they are the ones that actually do all the prep work for the wedding. usually bride and groom come and get married :)
     
  6. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,090
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    APO,
    I shall agree that the parents would have felt hurt for none post marriage rituals.. but did this guy flatly refused to sit for any? My DH refused to do any rituals pre-post marriage that included his side family.. I was allowed to finish my rituals alone with my family... of all I know him am really amazed how he sat for the duration of marriage :biglaugh:biglaugh:biglaughand did what panditji told him to do.

    My bro's marriage was more or less what you mentioned above and I always calmed the relatives and parents that let it be.. its modern setup now, when previous day we felt something wrong about the meals, we requested them for a separate setup for a dinner table to accomodate 30 of us and milder menu (- spice & oil). The count was 30:300 and hence we were feeling left out. I personally tasted every item at 6pm prior to it being served and thanked them for keeping 2 sets of food ready at a short notice. My bro needed my help to sneak out of the hotel where baraat was put up, me arranging everything around the time he returned and keeping all calm and yes we did everything as per HIS convinience and his honeymoon sneak etc etc. Post marriage - My dad was having back pain & I was arranging menus for the guests still in hotel along with handling my babies and an indifferent DH, who'd left for the city tour.
    Yes they were accomodative of our request for things we felt were just not going right and they did everything to fix it.. so I guess at times its also about expressing.

    These days a lot of decisions are being taken by bride and groom and it shall be wiser of us to be an invited guest :bonk... and find solution in prevailing circumstances.
     
  7. ushkrish

    ushkrish New IL'ite

    Messages:
    83
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    I too agree with you shilpa ma . when you were just informed of the marriage and asked to participate only in almost all the love marriages there is no point in telling that this arrangement / treatment is not good since the bride/groom are just unmindful /dont'care for whatever happens around them and they just want their union to be known public. that is all they want and towards that end only they work in their wedding preparations. so it is best for the participants to the wedding to go and have khana and give presents and come back silently. :bonk
     
  8. minti

    minti Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    hi ,

    I fully empathise with what the grooms family would have gone through on their own son's wedding. I do understand your concern because you are close to them and you would have witnessed their turmoil on this special day. Sad but there are many insensitive people in this world who are quiet self centered and they have no respect or compassion for any one beyond themselves. But yes even is we feel bad for them, we really can't blame anyone else except the guy who is their son. If he was sensitive towards his own family then maybe he would have made sure the girls side of the family treat them with respect. Though u know the family, i am sure u r not aware of many personal issues that the boy already would be having with his own parents.

    Please don't take anything personally, i respect ur feelings but lets face it no one can dare to humiliate anyone without their consent, so somewhere the boy and his family did show some weakness in their behaviour for which they got such a shabby treatment. Sadly we all have to learn to stand up for our own rights and if anyone feels they are being ill-treated then the victim needs to stand up and say so, any one sympathizing on their behalf might only be made to look like a fool.This world is just not black or white it has lots of grey shades, so each one is right from their point of view for all we know the girl and her family might have another story to tell which you might not be aware of.

    Never get emotional about a third party unless you have a 360 degree view of things. As they say no one is good or bad its the circumstances which makes one so.

    One thing in life i have realised is being over emotional doesn't really help, it only ends up in making our life miserable....gud that you are someone who has a heart in todays practical world where everyone is ready to shredd you into pieces the moment you show your human side.:cheers
     
  9. Ranchu

    Ranchu Local Champion Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,904
    Likes Received:
    9,010
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    wow .. a lot of conversations after mine..

    hmm.. my post was exactly the same as ASG . I feel bad for my , DH, my In-laws & my parents. None of the other relatives helped us in arranging the wedding. in spite of all this one of FIL's cousin still complains that she & her DH did not receive a return gift when they deserved it just for attending the ceremony.
    So I kind of hate the tradition of inviting a huge crowd and end up listening to all non-sense from them. May be a simple wedding with "real" loved ones.

    @apassionateone ,
    I do understand a bit on you empathizing the situation while looking at it from a 3rd person point of view. Who knows, his parents might be ok with this or they feel ,the bride is leaving her house for ever and joining the family so let her spend some time with her parents etc. u never know what is going in the Groom's parents.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2010
  10. dairymilk1

    dairymilk1 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    hi all, I am a bit surprised at some of the reactions here. whatever happened to graciousness? As much a wedding is abt the couple, its also a social gathering . If it were an office party one is attending, wont everyone behave civilly and politely? why should it be any different in a wedding? Even in this age of nuclear families, extended family is still important in india and a wedding is all about getting to know each other families. As long as noone is making unnecessary demands , is it too much to ask to be treated with respect?
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page