This Shall Pass too..

Discussion in 'Fertility & Trying to Conceive' started by devi123kar, Jun 22, 2012.

  1. devi123kar

    devi123kar Gold IL'ite

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    Nothing new but the experience was different:

    A girl who got married with not much dreams came to US all I was worried about my carrier but got a wonderful husband who was very supportive didn’t even bother about planning for a family.. Job hunt job hunt finally after 10 months found one. Can’t blame these guys had to mention 2009 is when we had the recession . Ok now everything is awesome really? Now everyone started asking the usual question(baby). No time to even think as it was really busy but they didn’t stop asking.. Ok now its time to plan when we did nothing came along saw all these doctors they blamed me on my weight yeah I was 185 pounds. Ok now it became 200 pounds with all the stress and medications. Again the same story (lose weight , lose weight) really you guys?? Is there nothing you can do? Blaming me for the weight? Ok took it seriously worked out like crazy and dieted like insane lost 30 pounds. So 170 pounds now what again the same old story lose weight Ok decided to consult in India it was more worse.

    Most importantly got to call most of my in laws family and say we both don’t have any problems.. Are you kidding me? Yes still I did. Is this not considered harassment? Really hurt to the core what can be done? Other than the baby they don’t bother me I understand their point that they need grand kids so not to blame them.

    Nothing happened so visited all temples including(garbarakshambika temple,shridi ) prayed well that is all I can do right? Ok now we moved back to the same place as nothing much happened in his project. Ok again job hunting with in a month found one oh lucky me.. But it didn’t last the very first day of my job all kind of questions about my visa as it was in a extension. And the timing was from 5 AM to 1PM .It was too much to handle so I quit that one. With in a week got a another job thank God I am really happy here.
    Again life felt incomplete without a baby tried to convince my husband to see a fertility specialist after 3 months of agony he finally agreed. My weightless continued from 170 dropped to 149. Very soon they found out the culprit was PCOD. Ok now all kind of blood tests,hsg test. Loads and loads of ultrasound. Our insurance wouldn’t cover we decided to bear the expense. Had my first round of IUI which was unsuccessful. Ok made up my mind did our second round. One big fat positive pregnancy test thought all the struggle is over there is nothing much to worry now. Everyone was happy yeah our in laws didn’t announce it in TV other than that everyone knew that I am excepting. One whole week we actually slept well apparently it did didn’t last I had spotting thinking it was normal called my doctor they advised bedrest. One night woke up with severe cramps in the back and a bit of bleeding. Prayed and prayed that nothing shouldn’t happen. I was in the bed crying my husband was outside waiting the nurse asked me is everything ok why am I crying? Told her this pregnancy is a blessing after 2 years of Struggle. All the test came out to be normal but can’t find the baby in the ultrasound as it was only 5 weeks. The doctor told me the cervix is definitely closed. Repeated blood work(HCG) the levels dropped drastically from 747 to 355 they gave me no hope and asked me to prepare my self. Cried prayed that is all I did the whole day. I still thought the levels would rise but it dropped to 240. My dreams got shattered told myself this is not the end of my life we have better things to do. With that note I am keeping my fingers crossed. Whom should I blame now? Though wanna stop thinking about what happened I still can’t. Keeping my spirits high that this shall pass too..
     
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  2. HasiniS

    HasiniS Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Devi,

    I am sorry for what ever you have been going through...

    I can think I am the right person to console you :) Come on give me a hug and feel better :)

    I have had three miscarriages ... First 2 before my first baby and 3rd one after my first baby...

    After one year of our marriage with no pressure from my in laws I conceived and ended up in a miscarriage after 52 days. Then after 2 years of marriage we were in UK and by this time everybody were expecting a good news and I conceived. Still a had a fear and was very careful and yet started having unbearable cramps and was in ER and they found out that it was an ectopic pregnancy and advised me that I might end up loosing one of my fallopian tubes if things worse. Luckily I had an injection helping me to terminate the pregnancy. Now this was even more painful to have stopped that beating little heart. But just one cycle later I conceived and again didnt get to experience the happiness untill about 5 months cause I was always worried that this pregnancy shoulnt terminate cause of any reason. God is great !!! I delivered a baby boy in a normal delivery in 2010. All was well till again I had a miscarriage in 2012 march again because of an ectopic and this time I was in Singapore. I had loads of depression and have been experiencing a lot of unexpected happenings throughout my pregnancies. But let me tell you ... We get to be parents when we are really ready.. God has planned that way ... He knows when we can raise a child by all means and till that what ever happens is for us to get strong to become parents.. I lost my mom even before my marriage.. And now people look at me and my son and say that I should be proud to have raised my son in such a matured way having no support from my in laws ( in the sense she is still working and I have been in a diff country ). I feel so proud and I feel all that happened is for good. Remember Devi, everything has a reason and a season... Loads of baby dust to you.. Just flush out all your stress as stress is the first enemy for who ever trying to conceive. Also please enjoy "the only you 2 period" before the little one comes to share your life, love, time and bed too for ever ;-) I pray Shiridi Sai Baba to bless you with abundance. Also please dont bother about the world ... Till you conceive their problem is when you will conceive... And once you conceive they want to know if your delivery would be normal or c-section and then when that is over is it a boy or a girl and then if its a boy then when are you planning for your next baby is their question !!!!! LOL yeah they cant just keep them selves from worrying about you ... But it all kind of knowing about gossips for them... Dont forget its all your life and you just have one chance to live it. being dull and wasting all that tears on your bed and being positive and saving those tear pearls to see your husband cutting the umbilical cord of your baby in the delivery suite is your choice ;-) Now be a smart girl and choose wise :) Hugs again :) :)

    Lov,
    Hasini
     
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  3. devi123kar

    devi123kar Gold IL'ite

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    I can't thank you enough Hasini ,I decided not to cry last week thinking about this anymore but your consoling words made me do so. You definitely went through a lot than me totally agree with what you say. I really feel much better and confident now. You are really awesome to raise your kid by yourself. You takecare of yourself loads of baby dust to you too..

    Note: I conceived after doing 9 weeks pooja for Shiridi Sai Baba I was so mad at him for taking the baby away.Baba answered me through your post.

    Thanks again..I wish you all success in your endevours.Loads of love and hugs.
     
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  4. ssm014

    ssm014 Platinum IL'ite

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  5. devi123kar

    devi123kar Gold IL'ite

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    Dear ssm014..

    I know how it feels been there with puffed eyes, but all your mind filled with thoughts... Common stay strong all we have is hopes that is it lets not lose that atleast.Loads of baby dust.. Hugs
     
  6. Rachna

    Rachna Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Devi

    I was exactly in your situation 9 months back.I conceived 11 months back and miscarried in 2 months.I was lost and devastated with no hope and interest in life. But somehow, i tried to keep myself engage and diverted my mind.I know this is very very painful. But believe me, this time will pass soon and you will hold your LO soon.After 4 months of miscarriage, we started planning and i conceived. I am 5 months pregnant now. Don't loose your hope. I was told by many that we are more fertile after a miscarriage (40% ladies conceive immediately after miscarriage).I got hope from encouraging posts by ILs 9 months back.Hope this helps.

    Baby dust to you
     
  7. devi123kar

    devi123kar Gold IL'ite

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    First of all congratulations on your pregnancy take good care of yourself and the lil one..Thanks hon yeah trying to stay positive..The replies are encouraging thanks to all ILs..
     
  8. glimmer

    glimmer Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Devi

    Although l havent gone through as much as you have gone through. I can understand how you're feeling. Many times l always ask god why? Whenever l go the gynae clinic there are so many cases of abortions. The day after l did my iui the 2 ladies who were bedded beside me were abortions and one of them was crying. I can only imagine how much that foetus would have cried. Lets all embark on this journey with positive outlook again.
     
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  9. devi123kar

    devi123kar Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Glimmer,

    Horrible to imagine that.. Totally agree with you lets start again with much more positive approach..Good luck dear..
     
  10. Saisakthi

    Saisakthi IL Hall of Fame

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    May Baba bless you in abundance, be with you and guide you too.
     

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