This Lakshmi Is a little Daring, Isn't she?

varalotti · Aug 18, 2005

This Lakshmi Is A Little Daring, Isn’t She?

Lakshmi married her college sweetheart Shiva. Though the courtship had continued unbroken since the college days, the marriage took place when Lakshmi was a Professor in a local college and Shiva was employed as an Officer in a nationalised bank. Both earned well and led an affluent life. They had two children well spaced out.

When both the children were ready for school, Shiva’s career ambition became intense. He switched over to a Foreign Bank as its Marketing Manager in a far off place. Lakshmi’s job was not transferable. Now she had to manage the household work, take care of the children and do justice to her job. As Shiva’s earnings were considerable Lakshmi suggested that she quit the job and they all can live together at the place where Shiva worked.

Lakshmi was on a secured Government job with UGC scales of pay. Shiva did not want to forego the additional income. He asked Lakshmi to wait for two more years so that they could decide one way or other.

Those two years were hell for Lakshmi. The couple met only once in 3 or four months. To Lakshmi life was all work and no fun. At the end of two years Shiva was still not ready to sacrifice Lakshmi’s income. So he told Lakshmi to wait for two more years.

Lakshmi had had enough. She made it clear to Shiva that unless they lived together she was not interested in continuing with the marriage.

This came as a rude shock for Shiva as he had been very faithful to Lakshmi and thought sincerely that they were sacrificing only for the future of their children and the financial security of the family. But Lakshmi told that there was no point in continuing the relationship where they saw each other once in a blue moon. In due course she sent a divorce notice to Shiva.

This Lakshmi is daring, isn’t she? But is she right? Is she practical?

prathi · Aug 19, 2005

Yes she is practical and she is right. What is the meaning of a marriage if the couple are not staying together?

A short span of separation due to inevitable circumstances is okay! But living apart for such a long span considering only the material benefits one would reap from that, is not commendable.

There are people who take it for granted that a marriage is a commitment where in they have to keep their children and spouses happy by giving them material comforts. But what about the emotional and physical necessities? A married life is like a house. If even one wall collapeses, the house wont be a house any more but a ruin. So I feel, it is important for couples to focus and maintain a balance on all aspects of a marriage - Money, emotions,sex, children, parents and so on.

In this case when siva draws a handsome salary sufficient to maintain the family, he could have accepted her suggestion that she would quit her job and join him with the kids.May be once they both were together, based on her qualification, she would have got a job in the same city as siva.

We cant say lakshmi took a hasty step. She did wait for 2 years. I think she gave him enough time to miss her and the kids and make a comeback.. Only thing he wanted was the growth in his career and to stay without any financial hassles. If he had any emotional attachment whatsoever with lakshmi, it would have been impossible for him to stay without her and the kids for such a long time.

Lakshmi is daring. Yes. But not wrong.She is practical. Even after she divorces shiva, she has a secured job for her living.

This lakshmi is different from all the other lakshmis' u portrayed so far. They had to reconcile with their husbands as they had no choice. They were uneducated and with no finanacial support and thus had no other choice.

But this lakshmi has dared because she earns.

Isnt it an irony! Money or the lack of it has created problems in all our lakshmis' marital lives and also the climax is judged by the M factor.
(Lakshmi wouldnt have dared to divorce if she had no source of income. )

varalotti · Aug 19, 2005

Thanks Prathi For The Wonderful Analysis!

Dear Prathi,
That was a good insightful response to my post. Yes, at some point of time the Lakshmis should draw a line somewhere. But you know Prathi there are hundreds of Lakshmis, in spite of their earning quite a lot, who cant take a bold decision as our Lakshmi.
You are right. It's the M factor that determines the independence level of Lakshmis. There is another irony in that. I have chosen the name Lakshmi for all my provocative snippets. You know very well Lakshmi is the Goddess of money. And when you say that money decides Lakshmi's choices, I could not help smiling.
A very good, provocative response, Prathi. Let's see if our other friends come up with contrary views.
cheers,
sridhar

vinu · Aug 19, 2005

This Lakshmi provoked me to reply!

Hello Varalotti,

I had been a silent spectator all these days just reading your snippets about various Lakshmi's. But this snippet of yours provoked me to reply .

I would aslo agree with Prathi. This Lakshmi is daring, but her decision is right. She had not been implusive in deciding having waited for 2 years.

I have seen many men who want their lady at home to quit job and take care of their home, so that they can give their whole self to career and making money for the family. But this Lakshmi's husband, Shiva is a more money mined person I would say. Though he can claim that it is for the future of their kids, I feel it is not just money that will give them good future. What is the point if the kids don't grow with their parents as a family?

When Lakshmi herself was ready to quit her job to take care of the family, I don't find the logic of Shiva insisting her to work.

I know a couple here in England, both of them were working for a good company and made more than an average income. But the lady was more career minded that when she got pregnant she was worried that she might need to quit her job atleast a short break to take care of the kid. Her husband seeing her interest for her career, came forward to quit his job and worked out to run his own business from home, so that he can take care of the kid and she goes to work. They are happily living together with their little one.

Here it is considered very important and essential to spend time with family and kids while trying to balance with their career.

varalotti · Aug 19, 2005

Apt Response!

When a silent spectator springs to action the results can be quite impressive as I could see from your wonderful response. Like the England couple I have a writer friend who for a while did not have any work to do. His wife was working. This man happily sat at home, did the cooking and took care of the children. This softness in approach helped him a lot in developing the right attitude. Today he is one of the best writers in Tamil (S.Ramakrishnan). His book Thunaiezhuthu is something every one should read. He devotes a chapter in this book for the house-husband (counterpart of housewife).
I am very happy, Vinu, that are many ladies who think like my Lakshmi.
regards,
sridhar

ambika ananth · Aug 22, 2005

hasty action

The catch in this snippet lies in this statement Sridhar-

"This came as a rude shock for Shiva as he had been very faithful to Lakshmi and thought sincerely that they were sacrificing only for the future of their children and the financial security of the family"

Shive appears to be a naive guy, focusing on one aspect of their marital life. His personality seems malleable and he is not infidel or even an uncaring father. Lakshmi should have made things clear to him in a better way..instead of sending a divorce notice. She seems hasty in her decision... she had waited for things to improve...she should have stretched a little bit more.

Many successful women proclaimed that they have added 'elastin' to their minds to enable them to stretch a wee bit and that they have reached their goals.

Sridhar I guess your Lakshmi has acted a little rashly...( as usual we both don't seem to agree on many view points )

Justify her action...

ambika

varalotti · Aug 22, 2005

My Snippet is Not Complete Without Your Reply!

Ambika,
I have been waiting for your reply all these days. I know you will oppose the stand taken by my Lakshmi. Somehow you are always against my Lakshmis - against if they tow their husband's line, against if they rebel and throw their husbands out. Agreed what this Lakshmi did was a little daring. But there is no point in the marriage where the couple lives apart and meet only for a few times in a year. She has waited enough. She has made her intentions very clear. If Shiva doesn't understand, well, my Lakshmi can't help that.
I can at least understand Shiva when the family is suffering and they badly need Lakshmi's income. When they are doing well financially Shiva does not have an excuse.
When Lakshmi said she is ready to quit her job for the sake of living with her husband, she was already making a sacrifice for him. If in spite of that Shiva does not understand, I think he does not deserve my Lakhsmi and richly deserves the divorce notice.
It is not just enough for a spouse to be faithful, sincere and earning for the family. The spouse has to relate to the other spouse, not only sexually but also emotionally. When this vital relationship factor was eliminated by Shiva's adamance, Lakshmi had no other option than to sever the relationship.
I am not saying that Lakshmi after the divorce "lived happily ever after." She has to face the social stigma attached to a divorcee and will have to bring up her children single-handedly. But she is looking for another relationship where she may find fulfillment. There is no guarantee, agreed. But there's a fair chance, isn't it?
Looking forward to your arguments
sridhar

rathi · Aug 22, 2005

Do you think divorce is a solution?

Varalotti,

Do you think divorce is a solution to this Lakshmi's problem?

If this Lakshmi always wanted to be with her husband and kids, I'm not sure how she took such a hasty decision? Losing patience after waiting for years, does not seem to be convincing given to know this Lakshmi favored everyone being together in a family.

I agree with Ambika, may be this Lakshmi could have tried other ways to make it clear to Shiva that money is not the only thing needed for their children's secured future. It's much more than that.

As always, opinions differ, right?

varalotti · Aug 22, 2005

Rathi,
Agreed, divorce is not the solution for Lakshmi. But just waiting for Shiva indefinitely is neither a solution. If this event happened in 50s then Lakshmi's decision would have been hasty or even fatal to her happiness. But now Lakshmi is fed up with this life - all work and no fun. As I told in my reply to Ambika Lakhsmi might not find the best person. But there is a chance. Anyhow she was not able to see light at the end of the tunnel. She called it quits. If after seeing the divorce notice Shiva changes his mind and agrees to Lakshmi quitting the job, Lakshmi would definitely give their marriage a second chance. But in the absence of any commitment from her husband, in a situation where she is deprived of her marital happiness, I think she has done the right thing. If Lakhsmi had quit at the first instance when Shiva worked away in another town then that would have been a rash decision. But I think there comes a time where you have to assert yourself.
There is a section in the Hindu Marriages Act which talks about 'restitution of conjugal rights.' The gist of the section is that if the spouse lives away from the other spouse when the marriage is active the other spouse can enforce her 'conjugal rights' through an appropriate legal action.
I am not getting legal and all. But the pain of living away from the husband for extended periods of time is something unbearable.
My friend married and within a few months he went off to the US for a job leaving his brand new wife languish alone in India. It took an year for him to get the Visa and all. But the girl meanwhile sent a divorce notice and married some one else. This was a little rash. I toned it down for our site.
Looking forward to your arguments.
sridhar

ambika ananth · Aug 23, 2005

Explanation ....

Oh God … are you taking my responses so personally Sridhar as to cry out with contempt that I am against your Lakshmis… I am totally aghast and taken aback….Your Lakshmis are your unique creations…I don’t have anything against them…

But, I have a different perception and understanding about their problems. Nothing can change my opinion and convictions. .not even the good friendship I share with you…

Life gives such terrible blows..I always feel .by trying to find the silver lining one should learn to carry on with life, instead of getting sucked into the darkness of the hovering clouds. But I guess each individual has a personal opinion about ‘which one is the dark cloud and which is the silver lining’…

We see and read about many heinous atrocities being committed on women by their so called lovers and husbands so when I felt this Lakshmi’s problems require nothing but better understanding between the couple and that she can handle life ‘by coming to grips’ with it ..I voiced my opinion.

Please don’t take me as your Lakshmis antagonist…..I am merely giving a different perspective to problems. I am truly sorry Sridhar, if my responses have hurt you …! Just as you are fiercely protective towards your Lakshmis, I am being considerate with regard to their errant spouses …giving not one chance but many chances to people is my motto…Life is worth it…

My closing statement is…..best solution for any problem is that which has faced something , pushed against something and wrestled with something and finally emerged a winner…. take my responses like that…the best solution will emerge for Lakshmi after fighting out with my conservative responses….

CONTINUE SIR…