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This is what my H tells often to my LO

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by DrKadambari, May 24, 2012.

  1. melaiene

    melaiene Bronze IL'ite

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    i am shocked to read this. I dont know where ur based, can u plz tell me where ur based,coz in some countries there are womens help cell like in US. u can just call and they help u no matter what. I read a similar story of a lady back in US on the TV on a programme of Aamir Khan on satyamev jayate, i guess first episode of his. Plz if ur in US and could try to go to his video of the first episode,he gave a helpline number or tht lady gave a helpline name in US. plz call them if ur introuble.
     
  2. DrKadambari

    DrKadambari Gold IL'ite

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    I dont do anything to spite him. Kid is just about 2 years old, so i dont want to create any kind of influence or affect the kid any which way. One thing i understood is his love to kid is also Dhikawa (just to show off), but I dont indulge into it. Kid wants to watch Cartoon and ya a couple of hours is Ok but when its maximum time I say NO. So kid goes to dad to ask to put the cartoon, he readily puts so that he does not get disturbed by the kid. So kid is learning to make the best us of it, which I am trying to handle by occupying in some new games and taking out for walk...
    All friends around here are colleagues and their family who are around my house. I speak to all but then no going out types unless its planned as family outing or get-together.
     
  3. DrKadambari

    DrKadambari Gold IL'ite

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    Its good to make our position better than to feel bad or depressed with we are hooked to such person to sail as partner in life. Dont get into self pity mode, keep yourself charges, try to send your kid to daycare so that you get some ME time. Learn driving, what stops you doing that !! its not so difficult afterall... First step prepare and take writen test - once you clear this you will get road test date usually 2 to 3 months away so you will have that push to learn. Before deaf when you H is teaching you driving and shouts that you are doing wrong. Your motive is to somehow learn and pass and get license.

    Ya any day when you have a job gives you some kind of zeal in you that you dont have to depend on your H for even a bit of a thing. Lastly marriage counselling is for both husband and wife and one of them taking counselling would not help much i think. Good luck.

    Melaiene - Thank you for your reply. Atleast now my plight is not so bad that I need some help, i have that much of independence and gutts to handle my life.
     
  4. DrKadambari

    DrKadambari Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks Jelin, yes this is what i am doing right now. Its really difficult living like a single mom. Atleast if I was a single mom i would not be worried to go out once in a while for movie or anything now I cant do that as he might blame me for that, i think i would take time to get to become completely independent.

    Well how can he not know that whats needed for the house and what is not, he thinks its not required to bother though he knows. On a later date if I say that you didnt pitchin help or anything (which i dont want to do) he would say, if you needed anything you should have given me the list to go get. I would have done. Its like unless asked why should i bother !!
     
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  5. Flyhighbluesky

    Flyhighbluesky Silver IL'ite

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    They very well do know dear.. but they choose to ignore! men want us to treat them like how we traet our kids.. unconditionally caring abt them! but they need to understand that it dsnt work like that!
     
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  6. freddycat

    freddycat Platinum IL'ite

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    DRK,

    I don't what to say...to some extend I am like your DH.

    As a wife/mom/daughter, I know my responsibilities. I do my work and it does take lot of mental strength and discipline to do the daily routines but, deep inside of me, wants to be alone, and I feel peaceful when I am alone. I spend considerable amount of my time alone in reading/walking/watching movies/music etc...Thank God, I am not from the digital age.

    I have a feeling that it is the personality or some sort of anxiety/hypertension? Playing game of your DH is just to pass time, wanting to be alone?

    Yes, I consulted with my doc many years ago....I was told that I have hypertension, and anxiety/sleeping disorder. My job was very stressful and I thought, I am just acing it, doing great. But inside of me, always thinking, planning/exercising what needs to be done/plan-A, plan-b, backup plan etc.

    Now, I changed my assignment with less responsibility. I am under medication for hypertension and I am feeling much better, more social/happy. Still, part of me wants to go under hibernation (silent mode)....no medication available for that, blaming it on my birth star!!

    I would recommend for your DH to see the doctor, possibly other underlying medical issues.
     
  7. DrKadambari

    DrKadambari Gold IL'ite

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    Freddycat, even in the best of my dream I cannot think of him going to the doctor or counselling. Just like many people who have problem would not accept he is like that.

    You as a women would have been doing your household work though you didnt like it, but here his case is he just shutsoff himself from everything, I am afraid that just in case he has some really bad problem and me leaving him the way he is might just push him more and more into it but then I dont have so much energy to drag him out when he treats me like dust.

    All I see in him is Laziness and Heartless.
     
  8. bhappy

    bhappy Silver IL'ite

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    Dr Kadambari, I appreciate your patience and the way you are handling the family with no help. There is no other punishment in this world than to work from home. I don't know how you have the motivation to work from home. I hate it and will never do that. I love an office environment/team work inspite of the dirty politics that happen there.

    All you can do is just vent out here to our friends. I will pray for you and I am sure your husband will change his mind someday and truly understand your feelings and i hope that happens really soon for you.

    everything will change and everybody's situation change everyday so just hang in there, god will make him realise your value someday.
     
  9. unhappywife

    unhappywife Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Dr. Kadambari,

    I was also sailing on the same boat some months ago.. Only difference is I have 2 kids and both of them used to wake up in the nights and never let me work from home peacefully. I used to do all the work (house-work as well as office work) and get angry if my kids tend to disturb me.. I never had time for myself.. I used to stay late in the night and work hours together.. I became stressed and lost my health.. Finally, I limited my work to 2 hours a day and now I am able to toggle between work and home efficiently. I work only when my kids sleep. Rest of the time, I close my laptop and enjoy my time with them..

    Also, keep your cooking very simple. I buy rotis from outside and just make a side dish alone... I buy chopped vegetables, which reduces my cooking time. I cook early in the morning even before my kids wake up. When kids are around, I don't take my laptop or stand in the kitchen.. I enjoy playing puzzles and silly games with her rather than fretting over about the unfinished work.

    All I would suggest is don't work when your kid is with you. Limit your work hours.. You can always get back to working full time when your kid grows bigger. Do this, your husband's attitude towards you and the kid will change soon. Just because you are tied to laptop, he has also got into the habit of sitting with gadgets.. Close your laptop, put your baby in a stroller and go out with your husband for a walk every day.. That will bring lots of happiness in your life...Good Luck..
     
  10. FreeSpirit20

    FreeSpirit20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yeah, try doing this. Or ask him politely if he has seen any Dad talk to their kids like that, or if anyone in his family does it or if his own Dad did it to him.

    If he gets rude, just tell him you thought a lot and are wondering what could be the reason behind his this kind of talk.

     

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