This is funny..how to deal with these people

n_mumtaz · Apr 18, 2011

Hi Ladies,

I am in my second trimester and working. Due to not much help from parents/inlaws due to thier age factor had asked his cousin sister to visit us.He said that she herself is very much interested to come and visit us and help me out with some good food at this time. I was skeptical initially because all his relations take all financial help/any help in need from us and once done forget us...end up forgetting to even call us to enquire if if we are fine. They will remember us when they need something.. some will give missed call and we have to return thier calls ...they will talk for over half hour for all unncessary crap things!!

This being the case this SIL(elder to my DH) has come with her daughter. I was thinking may be she would help me out with some house hold work to reduce my burden.... she is at home and I end up cooking for her and her daughter then pack things up and come to office. At least before I would have taken a nap of half hour now even that is spoilt ...how funny... there is a saying in tamil that "veetlae odra onnana vaetilae vitutu orthaen kodaidunu sonnanam" ( some one took an insect from somewhere and left it in his dress and said its hurting!!) This is what is happening now.. when my DH watches this scene and tells me that u can tell her to help out but when I do so he also says dont give them so much work..I would have cooked for breakfast and lunch and have asked her to cook dinner! she is a big lazy lump which I didnot know...now I end up straining my self hosting these guests! on top of that accompany them for thier outings/shopping/ with a happy face! oh GOD!

Ladies did u have any such experience jus share at least we could laugh out and feel bit relaxed and also suggest some good ideas to deal with such ppl! Jai ho SILs grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

- Mumtaz.N

sreemanavaneeth · Apr 18, 2011

Mumtaz,

you tell your SIL in a nice manner to do the household work. Tell her you like her receipt this that and all. Surely they will think that you are keeping a crown on their head and they will do certain extent.

If people are not understanding we should handle them in a different manner only.

sheztheone · Apr 18, 2011

Mumtaz, if you are not facing any complications in your pregnancy the second trimester is usually the most comfortable of the three (some tend to have morning sickness in the first trimester and in the third you will be tired cos of increasing weight). With your DH's help you should be able to manage the second trimester. You can probably get SIL's help in the last 1-2 months.
It will definitely be stressful for you now-having to take care of them as well. Your SIL is being a little insensitive to you. The extra work couple with your hormones will tend to stress you out more. I do not know how your relationship is with her and if it is doable u can ask DH to tell her that you can manage now and ask for her help further into the pregnancy. This is if you feel that you do not need her around that badly now.

blackbeauty84 · Apr 19, 2011

Considering from your description about SIL, it looks like you can't trust them for anything. Can't you & your husband alone manage with the help of some maid & cook. Probably you can take her help post delivery.

priya4prabhu · Apr 19, 2011

tell her that u wanted to take some rest.. and ask her help...
get her help openly

n_mumtaz · Apr 19, 2011

Thanks ladies for taking your time in replying to me...I have started to take littile help as possible ... trying to pack her up as soon as possible as she is insensitive coz she is lazy!! well atleast now I have understood her as we were thinking of taking her help after delivery but got to manage with help of maid and DH...

Mumtaz.N

goldeneyes · Apr 20, 2011

I think its courtesy to offer help even if we are as a guest in someone else's home. Your SIL should help, but we as hosts feel bad to ask guest to help around the house

DNM · Apr 21, 2011

Have you asked her for help? Spelling it out clearly that you are feeling tired and need help since there is more to do now?

Sometimes things can be settled when we ask someone directly. Either she refuses and you tell her that this is not working out with her staying since you are afraid of over straining yourself and afraid for your health, or she agrees and you assign her roles for every day - not just for today but for every day as long as she stays.

You have to put your pregnancy, your health and that of your baby first - not your image in your relatives' minds. Hard choice but it has to be done. This is what it means to be a mommy - to do something even if it makes you look bad/or cause people to misunderstand you because it is for the safety of your child. Your needs are secondary to that of your child's.

I am really not sure how long this can continue. I know you are in the second trimester which is the most comfortable but you cannot take it for granted and over work. Your baby will start getting heavier and heavier inside of you. You must rest and do moderate work - no more. Take care of yourself. I wish you all the very best.

tinku · Apr 21, 2011

Get some help from her or send her off.
Also you can arrange a maid for the whole of 10 months. And sometimes I think you can lie on bed saying that you feel tired or a sort of heaviness after coming from work so that she can do some work.
The best thing to do is to pack her off.

Happy pregnancy....

Regards