Thinking of having a child in mid 40s

rsk12 · Sep 22, 2015

Hello All

First of all I am a 47 yr old man. My wife is 42 yrs old.
When we got married we decided not to try for a child at all because my wife has a seizure disorder and all of us including some docs thought this was a genetic condition. So both of us thought if we had a child the child would also have the seizure disorder and hence we decided not to have one.

Recently, some docs in the US said that my wife's condition is not genetic and it was caused by an accident she had when she was 14 yrs old. Now that we know this is not genetic, we would like to try for a child at this age. Can you ladies please answer the following questions. By the way we can consult doctors either in Chennai or in Seattle.

1) Is it even worth entertaining this idea at this age or are we being stupid.
2) Even if we can have a child, my wife cannot carry it due to her ongoing seizure disorder. So I think we have to go for surrogacy. Any suggestions on how we can do this in Chennai.
3) I am not sure at this time if both of us need any fertility treatment or not, but if we need, we would prefer Ayurveda or homoe instead of allopathy. can any one suggest a good Ayurveda fertility doc in Chennai.

Thanks for your help

rsk

Vasumathy · Sep 22, 2015

I don't know if i am putting it right.. I am truly sorry if this hurts you in any way..

Will you both able to raise your LO the same way or in a better way like you both have been raised in your younger age? Late 30s are manageable. But 40s.. I don't know. It will take one or more year to proceed with if you start now. If you think you have enough support to handle your baby and its demands, then its nothing wrong to go ahead with your own baby.

If you are ready to go ahead with baby making, its better you both take initial fertility analysis on both. Then decide the course of actions needed.

Surrogacy is done in many IVF centers in Chennai and in other places. But mostly it will be costly. You should check with those centers and look at their terms and conditions to go ahead with that.

Take care.

rsk12 · Sep 22, 2015

Thanks for your feedback Vasumathy. There is nothing wrong in what you asked. We both have lot of fears ourselves. I am not sure what LO means. I am guessing it means our child. we are not worried about raising the child once he/she is born. Our worry is, would we be able to produce a healthy child at this age. With all the autistic kids we see around, we are terrified what will happen if our kid has some condition like that.

thanks
rsk

sangeethakripa · Sep 22, 2015

LO-Little one

SGBV · Sep 22, 2015

I don't think it is a huge mistake.

My dad was 42 when he had me, the first kid. Then when he had my sister, the 3rd one he was 47.

My uncle was 47 when he had his first one. He had another son as well.

My another uncle got married at 45 and had 2 kids after that only.

Now that, at their age of retirement their kids are grown up to be at their late teen or early adulthood to be able to live on their own. At this stage they will be mostly at college, or at boarding where they don't need their parent's support day in and day out.

People at their 40s or even at their 50s are not so weak as we think to raise kids. But it is rather a tough job compared to the couple who are in their 20s. Matured couple can do this job in a more matured way.

Technically, and medically and even practically it is best to have kids at the right age only. But when certain things go wrong, we should be ready to welcome anything in life as it comes.

At my home, my mom takes care of my children who are 2 and 4 at her age of 65 yrs. I am fully out of home at times, and it is my mom who does everything from feeding, bathing, putting them to sleep and even teaching the kids on my behalf. Despite of her old age and illness, she is not tired, but at this age sometimes I feel tired to run after the kids. Her experience and maturity, specially how she handles things makes the difference.

I answered it in general... You please go through carefully on your situation, your wife's health, finances, age factor, help etc..etc... and come for a solution. Good luck

rsk12 · Sep 22, 2015

Thanks for the clarification sangeetha

rsk12 · Sep 22, 2015

Thanks SGBV, your response gave me some confidence.
My wife and I are going to consult a doc in Chennai and see if we still have a chance.
I got a referral from a friend of mine to a doc called
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]Dr Geetha Haripriya at Prashanth hospitals in harrington road .

My friend and his wife got a LO through surrogacy from this hospitsal.
has anyone from IL heard of this doc. If so, please give your feedback.

thanks
rsk[/FONT]

kinjal · Sep 23, 2015

i think you should make your decision fast. if you are palnning to go ahead with family way start advanced fertility treatments fast. Dont depend on ayurveda.
In my personal opinion if both of you feel ready then go for it. Its not the usual age to have kids but everbody's life and its challenges are different. Good luck for whatever you choose.

Rihana · Sep 23, 2015

rsk12 said: ↑

1) Is it even worth entertaining this idea at this age or are we being stupid.
Click to expand...

One question to ask yourselves is: you both will be at least 61, 66 yrs old, likely more, when the kid is ready for college.

That brings up a bunch of what-if's and are-we-prepared's that only you both know the answer to.

tashidelek2002 · Sep 23, 2015

With older parents, the child has to bear losing the parents at a much younger age than other kids. Elder care, going through death process all are speeded up. I had older parents and now I am completely without family.

Is adopting a child, perhaps an elementary age child, out of the question for you? It would solve many of your problems and be a wonderful thing to do for some orphan.