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They Say They Don't Believe In Marriage.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SeekingMind, Oct 28, 2016.

  1. SeekingMind

    SeekingMind Silver IL'ite

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    When I said why not they think of getting the girl married, I didn't mean it should happen at age 17. I meant to say that since she got pregnant by this guy so they should now think seriously of getting into commitment once they are of adult age 18yrs. This is no joke. Just live with whomever and get pregnant and then part ways. Maybe I have old fashioned mind. This is not about judging anyone. If you don't want to commit ..read marriage....then don't enter into things that are only for married couple.
    These kind of people who rejoice at premarital pregnancy are huge burden on tax payers money. Please do your research as to where many such kids end up. There may be exceptions but look at the state of majority broken family kids with so many issues. Are they not a burden on economy on society.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2016
  2. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    It has been argued that such "acceptance" carries a cost for the young parents, the child and for society.
    To Speak of Woe That is in Teen Pregnancy
    Hispanic Family Values?
    There needs to be some middle-ground between a casual acceptance bordering on encouragement with no consequences and honor bound ostracism or worse, tossing a baby away. A little stigma, some from of active discouragement, may not be such a bad idea.
     
  3. SeekingMind

    SeekingMind Silver IL'ite

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    Why not? Are they not a burden on tax payers money? At that age they are expected to go to school get education, and become productive in society, not enter motherhood. Motherhood is great but not premarital. I see this as serious flaw in their parents upbringing too .And judging doesn't mean looking for drain as you assume. If it happened accidentally then correct it by entering to legal commitment called marriage. At least marriage will bring some responsibility.....just hoping so they don't stray away, take parents help while they finish education and become independent.
    Bringing up a baby in broken home by single mom....well we all know what majority are ending up as. There may be exceptions few...that why they are called exceptional. It's not about being taboo in society or not, it's all about economics of the land. And such cases are huge huge burden on others.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2016
  4. momsky

    momsky Gold IL'ite

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    Only the uneducated, low-income kind.

    Even at 18, nothing good will come out of it. I will tell the boyfriend that he and the girl should get their degree first before even thinking of marriage.
     
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  5. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    Factors playing together here:
    - Teen Pregnancy
    - Sex education
    - Marriage
    - Culture

    Indians love to paint a colourful picture about western society. There are horror stories of teens hiding their pregnancy from their mothers which even led up to the teen giving birth to her child on a toilet in school. A few are kicked out of home.

    So it kind of looks good when knowing the mom of the girl is supportive of her pregnancy. There are only a few who are actually supportive even in an open society. It is often the teen's choice first to let the baby live or abort the baby, parents go with them if they don't want to. Next choice is to keep the baby or give up for adoption, parents again go with their decision. Its all thought about after carefully considering what is at stake with all their lives. Only when they truly love their future gen, the baby stays with them.

    I see this as the parent supporting her child regardless of whatever the child does. The choice is not made surrounding the problem, but its about standing with the person. In our culture, the problem sometimes can even end the life of the person affected, sadly!

    The mom announcing on FB may just be a way of supporting and protecting her. But its also kind of falsely promoting support for teen pregnancy.

    Sex education is mandatory in almost all American schools, same is a taboo subject in India still. Even though they are aware, teens make mistakes. It could be unintended, the precautions one takes fails at times. Even then the rates are so high in the west than any place. Why?!

    Marriage is not seen as a mutual agreement like we do in India. It is centred around the pair's feelings for each other. Children need two stable persons or just one stable person in their lives. The marriage dimension differs across cultures.

    Additionally,we believe and follow what we were taught from a young age. Some snap out of it if their thinking says its not right, some want to snap out of it but stay put, some don't even think if its right or wrong.
    I think marriage and child birth should be two different concepts. Mixing them together need not be necessary always.

    I agree on this part though. Not all abuse it, only those who are needy or those pushed to the extent of being needy. And there are several other ways the tax payers money is severely abused in large quantities. Its a matter of prioritising.
     
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  6. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    Active discouragement has not done much good in India. Here too far too many kids are born out of wedlock or unplanned and it results in newborns in dumpsters, abandoned in orphanages, dangerous illegal abortions by shady 'doctors'.

    Only solution is to educate teens about responsible sex and be accepting of mistakes; yes it is a big one. Give both the parents and the baby a fair chance in life.
     
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  7. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    As for being a burden to tax payers, nobody plans for this life. Is it a financial burden? Yes. So are old people, all children, people who go to jail, etc.
    Is the burden solved by forcefully marrying the kids when they turn 18 ? No.
    But if adults support them through this, the kids themselves could grow up to be tax payers giving back to the society.
     
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  8. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    Babies should be born to a stable relationship. According to me a mature couple who maybe unmarried but in a stable long term relationship have a better life to give than say a very young but unstable married couple . I am very ambivalent about the idea of marriage as I believe that a relationship based on love need not have a societal stamp of approval . But I can also see that marriage might give a sense of security to a woman esp with kids , making her a more relaxed mother .
     
  9. gok

    gok Silver IL'ite

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    Advantages of not getting married
    No expectation from other
    No in law issues
    No need to be too submissive
    No need to bear with physical, emotional or verbal abuse
    No too much of interference on either side
    Stay together only when both love each other


    Those who are not married but stay together are really bonded to each other though there is no tie up. But there are lot of married women who undergo so much of pain just to save the knots. I feel most of us are simply trying to save the bond rather than living, while they truly live without bonds.
     
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  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    So it is only about tax and economic burden...why bring in moral judgment then.

    Is it okay if a grown up financially independent tax paying woman chooses to have a child without getting married then.She is not a burden to any one.
    How does two teenagers getting married make better economic sense? How does it help tax payers...since that is your only concern?
     
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