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The Umpire Camera, Elections and other matters

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Apr 17, 2014.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    The Umpire Camera, Elections and other matters

    Yesterday the IPL 7 kicked off in Abu Dhubai, and having nothing better to do, watched a part of it.The most interesting thing I saw was the Umpire’s camera, attached to the tip of his cap, which was relaying all that the umpire saw, back to the studios. The camera is little over the eyes. So the commentators and us the viewers will know, what the umpire saw.
    IPL 2014: How does the umpire cam work? | Latest Tech News, Video & Photo Reviews at BGR India

    this set me thinking. Many wives aer suspicious and would love to know which babes their husbands saw throughout the day, and maybe they will be the best buyers for this camera, which they can put over their husbands heads, and order him not to remove it, and she can watch live action, of what all her husband is seeing, live pictures being sent, as the umpire camera is sending to the commentators.

    Or replay the camera at the end of the day, when the hubby is asleep. Divorce rates would go up, and who knows hubbies too might put it on their wives, to see who eyes their wife, who whistles, and with whom is she flriting, is it her boss ? Imagine boss and female secretary both having cameras, and spouses of both watching, how embarassing it can get eh !

    To ward off suspicion, who knows the secreatary will tie a rakhi everyday to boss, to be duly captured by the camera.But u cant wear the camera to the loo eh ! So at some time it has to be removed, and that is where mischeif can be started.

    Camera is not foolproof. What if u are in a bus , dozing off, but the camera ios recording and what if a pretty babe is in the line of vision of the camera ? or what if u look sideways at a babe, but the camera looks straight eh !

    Now to the elections. I have recd a lot of pics on whats app of my friends showing me the finger, that they have voted.i will just go to vote now in a while, what is the hurry. In jaipur, the government has said, keep all shops offices closed, and let the employees vote. So we are closed , and there are phonenos where people can phone if someone keeps his premises open.

    Yesterday evening employees went off at 5 pm instead of 7, saying there are no buses etc. The ones staying closeb y too went, for how can they sit, when others are getting the chance to go .

    Priyanka Gandhi and Varun fighting like cat and dogs, politics turns u into an animal literally , is it ? And they say Maneka loves animals. HAHA.

    And to see Salim khan support Modi, I did not know what to make out of it, endorsing that Gujerat is safer than pakistan, I guess that proves that everyone thinks Modi will come to power, and it is better to stay on the right side of Modi.

    I have a feeling that if Modi comes to power, in an absolute majority, he might do a lot of different things. Like throwing away the old wood, like Jaswant Singh, Advani, and other oldies. I am comparing him to Dhoni, who was itching to be captain, and to have a team of his liking.He was the happiest when Tendulkar left, did not say anythng, and was happy to rid of ganguly, laxman and dravid SEHWAG AND GAMBIR AND ZAHEER KHAN. Same way I think modi wants a team of his own, who will listen to him, as the team is listening to dhoni.

    Soon the CBI and Income tax will come under Modi, and that will be enough to keep many errants under check, though he may not misuse them, but use them to keep many quiet, for most have skeletons , in the form of childrn and cousins.And I think he will improve conditions, and who knows turn against those, for the better , of course, who people say have financed his elections, and bring them around, to do things in national interest, for they have earned enough, now time to sober down, or else, the threat is there of their files coming out in courts !!!!

    Keepign our fingers crossed, one never knows, what the future beholds.

    Que Sera Sera.

    KAMAL MAHTANI

    1. CHURCH has 6 letters so does MOSQUE / TEMPLE.
    2. BIBLE has 5 letters so does QURAN / GEETA
    3. LIFE has 4 letters so does DEAD.
    4. HATE has 4 letters, so does LOVE.
    5. ENEMIES has 7 letters, so does FRIENDS.
    6. LYING has 5 letters, so does TRUTH.
    7. HURT has 4 letters, so does HEAL.
    8. NEGATIVE has 8 letters, so does POSITIVE.
    9. FAILURE has 7 letters, so does SUCCESS.
    10. BELOW has 5 letters, but so does ABOVE.
    11. CRY has 3 letters so does JOY.
    12. ANGER has 5 letters,so does HAPPY.
    13. RIGHT has 5 letters,so does WRONG.
    14. RICH has 4 letters,so does POOR.
    15. FAIL has 4 letters,so does PASS .
    16. KNOWLEDGE has 9 letters,so does IGNORANCE .
    Are they all by Coincidence ? LIFE is like a Double-Edged Sword. WE should always Choose the Better side of Life!!!



    Breaking News : All parties unanimously agree to support NaMo unconditionally for PM post. They said "itni chhoti si baat ke liye Rajni Sir ko beech me lane ki kya jarurat thi" .
    Modi meets Rajinikanth. Rajinikanth assures him BJP will not only win in India
    but also in America, Russia, France, China, Spain, Japan.. ������



    Poor man to Rahul Gandhi : Sir, Diesel is very costly.!!!
    Rahul Gandhi :Big deal !!!
    Wear Benetton or Tommy Hilfiger instead ��


    Paida to har aadmi Modi hi hota hai,
    biwi use manmohan
    aur
    naukri use Kejriwal bana deti hai...



    THIS IS A NON-PARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY ALL PARTIES! NOT ONLY THAT-- it is POLITICALLY CORRECT!!

    While walking down the street one day a 'Member of Parliament' is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
    His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. 'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'
    'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.
    'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'
    'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.

    'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.' And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
    Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
    They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
    Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
    Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises... The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
    'Now it's time to visit heaven.'
    So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
    'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

    The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'
    So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
    He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
    The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?'

    The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning.. ....and....today you voted.'
    



    Yeh to ultimate Hai....
    A BIHARI WAS WORKING IN MUMBAI, AND DID NOT MEET HIS wife for 4 years while his wife was in Patna ( Bihar).
    At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.
    His colleagues were quite shocked and they
    asked how's this "Happy
    event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...
    The man said it is common in Bihar that
    neighbour's take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.
    The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son ?"
    The man explained, "If its the Second Neighbour
    who has taken care, then the name would be "DWIVEDI"...
    If it is the Third Neighbour then it would be "TRIVEDI"...
    If it is the Fourth Neighbour then it
    would be "CHATURVEDI"...
    If its the Fifth Neighbour then it would be "PANDEY"...
    After listening to this, questions followed.
    What if it is a Mixture of Neighbours ?
    "Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...
    And what if the Wife is Too Shy to tell the name of the neighbour ?
    Then it would be "SHARMA"...
    But what if She Refuses to Divulge the Name of the Neighbour ?
    Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...
    If She Does Not Remember the name then ?
    "It is YAAD-AV"...
    But who knows whether the child resulted from a Rape ?
    Then it will be named "DOSHI"...
    Finally, if the child happened because
    of Wife's Burning Desire ?
    Then he will be named "JOSHI"...
    And if the Whole Village had made Efforts for the Happy Arrival ?
    "DESHPANDEY"  ��
     
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  2. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    Kamalji..
    so did you vote? i voted and came to office.. why should the office be kept shut as the polling booths are open from 6am to 7 pm everybody in my office voted and came to work.. I thought the event was really well organized in Bangalore atleast.. very decent and helpful officers and police on duty.. all very smooth nobody took more that 20mins at the polling booth
    now to wait and see the results.. whether its NAMO which is most likely or its the ammas combine.. RAGA is a far cry by all standards.. and by the look of it nobody wants to even give AAP a chance
    Kerman
     
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  3. Manjureddy

    Manjureddy Gold IL'ite

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    LOL !
    :)

    Only Kamalji can think of such alternative uses for the umpire camera ! Do take dealership and advertise the product as an empowerment tool, a must- have for ladies, you will see brisk sales and make a neat profit.

    I loved how you have related the Gandhi cousins fighting like "cat and dog" to Maneka being an animal lover !

    Whether more skeletons stumble out of the closets or whether he sweeps away deadwood or not, NaMo will be thanked and remembered if he can really bring all the black money stashed away abroad , back home . And use it for the good of the country without splitting it between Adani and himself .

    The Heaven & Hell i joke brought a smile . And a shudder ! Yes. Keeping fingers crossed .
     
  4. Raba

    Raba Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Kamalji,

    Pranam :) How are you? I am here after a long break and opened your post with an expectation and you did not disappoint me :D :D
    Still spreading crazy ideas :) Read it with a smile across my face
     
  5. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kelly,
    Yes i went and voted first time ever. Took half an hour but then i am not a king to be attended immediately eh !
    Well people look out for freebies and this was one excuse they wanted.it seems the rajasthan govt also said that if any chap is found opened, u can call these numbers and action will be taken, so most establishments stayed closed, including mine.

    App eh ! A new party has come, that is BAAP, the father of AAP, of Rakhi sawant.HAHA

    Regards

    kamal

     
  6. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Manju,

    u be my first customer, but be rest assured i wont tell ur husband.HAHAHAHA
    Well meneka is a animal lover , is she not? HAHA
    Namo acnnot bring the black money, for his partmen too must be haivng it there. And when they want to give the proof, then too our govt does nto want it.During bofors i remember the swiss bank gave tonnes of paper proof, but our chaps refused to take it, and everyone got off scot free.
    So nothing will happebn, onions will swing between 10 and 80, petrol between 80 and 90, and so on, life will go on for ordinary mortals like u and me.
    Regards

    kamal

     
  7. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Raba,
    i have heard people taking breaks after marriage, here i see u taking one eh !Welcome back .
    Well a crazy guy can onl;y spread crazy ideas eh ! And bring a smile on the readers face, which again makes me smile.HAHA

    Regards

    kamal

     
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  8. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    Kamalji
    Rakhi Sawant party is called RAAP (rashtriya aam aadmi party) and BAAP ( Bharatiya Aam Aadmi Party) is a break away group from AAP. they are mainly those guys who AAP didn't give a ticket to.
    Rakhi Sawant symbol is Green Chilly ( thikki Mirchi).. and she even dressed up as one at the press conference!!
    Indian election are as usual a source of great entertainment!!
    Kerman
     
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  9. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kelly,
    You know what, u dont write blogs, but i am sure if u did, u would write real hari mirch type ones, with good juicy stories .HAHA
    Yes the entertainment is good, i love it, and when scandals and skeletonms keep pooping out, my day is made eh !
    Regards
    kamal

     

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