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The Ultimate jokes !!!

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by mickeymini, Dec 22, 2009.

  1. mickeymini

    mickeymini Gold IL'ite

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    Man: Is there any way for long life?
    Dr: Get married.
    Man: Will it help?
    Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

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    Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
    It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

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    Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
    Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

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    It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
    It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

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    It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
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    Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
    After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.

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    There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
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    Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.
    Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
    Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.

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    Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
    Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash..< BR>
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    Q: Why dogs don't marry?
    A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

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    There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her.
    They got married and now he is going thru hell.
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    Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
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    Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
    A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

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    Here comes the Ultimate One
    Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
    Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

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