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The Two Splendid Ladies

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Jan 27, 2010.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    The Two Splendid Ladies in my Life


    My maid came to tell me nonveg over, and buy something for yourself, otherwise she threatened that u will get Bhindi or Toori at night. Immediately, being a very important part of my life, I called on mobile all the Fish fellows around town, and none had the variety of fish that I like, that is Hilsa, poplet or Surmai, the sea water fishes.The local varieties, I don’t like, the Lanchi, Singada, or Rau.


    So well sent the office boy to get me 250 gms of meat, which will suffice for today. I avoid red meat, bcs they say it increases the cholesterol, but my good doctor friend told me u can have it a few times a month, so today is one of those days.


    I was chatting with a blogger friend of mine, and I told him to wait while I call the fish fellows, and the poor guy waited. He was curious to know why I don’t eat on Monday and Thursday’s , all days are the same. I told him, that 19 years back, a saint had told me, that if u abstain, from meat he meant, on these two days, Godess Laxmi will be kind to u.


    Well , marta kya na karta, I was down and out, and clung to this straw, and within a month, things started to look bright, and Goddess Lamxi came into my arms, never to leave me again. Man she is damn pretty, and held me tight, and she has been with me since then, and she is one woman Harsha is never jealous of. And luckily along with her came Goddess Saraswati, who told me, to go easy on luxuries, and tweaked my brains, and thank God I listened to her, and now Harsha has two to contend.


    But being me, who makes promises to break, so many of them , I cant tell u, out of the 52 Mondays in a year, and 52 Thursdays, I tend to break 10 of them, and eat nonveg. My brother who is with me here, invariably on either of these days, will ask me, kamal I am going to Mac, need something, and thinking of the poison I will be eating at night, nod immediately, and there he brings a Fish , chicken burger, with French fries for me, and there goes my Monday.


    But breaking 10% of the vows, is ok in God’s books I guess.Still I manage to follow 90% , and strangely the two Goddesses don’t seem to mind.They smile indulgently towards me, and all is forgiven.


    They tell me, that kamal, these days crimes have increased so much, that they have been forced to change their priorities upstairs. Hundreds of years back , the Gods used to keep an eye on who breaks a veg day, who shoplifts, or who looks at another pretty lady.But they said to me yesterday, kamal we are short of staff, our population does not increase like u human’s , so now we are told to keep track of such offenders like Tiwari, Koda, Tiger Woods, Clinton, and the likes, u are a small fry, like French fries, if we keep an eye on u, who will catch the big fish !


    Both told me, kamal see we love u, we are comfortable with u, that is why we stay with u for so long. And even Harsha dosnt mind.Laxmi was telling me, kamal how do I look, I said u look stunning, pretty, and yur ornaments so good, and rich.She said, others don’t respect me, they flaunt me to the neighbours , the Taxmen, to friends, and very soon those people take me away, again to pass it on to someone else.


    You respect us, u keep us in yr home, u don’t flaunt us, u talk to us, pray to us, thank us, so we love u and harsha all the more. Laxmi asked me a few days back, as I was having drinks, and in a very good mood, kamal do u want a Merc, or a Ferari, I said no thank u. She said u will have a windfall, u wotn have to spend a penny, I said, do u want to show thieves the way to my house, or the taxmen, for whosover has a merc in jaipur, has been raided by the IT guys, please go give it away to someone else.Laxmi was upset, but I was adamant. But she relented soon, and last week brought me a few windfalls of course of a smaller variety, some investments that I had forgotton about, done long ago, came home to roost, and warmed me no end.


    And this blogger friend was telling me about the God Kamdev,a nd his wife Rati, how they used to hit arrows on the victim, and instill in him or her, the power of lust. I found that damn funny, tell me, in that case, kamdev must have hit Tiwari hundreds of arrows of flowers u know where.! And bus loads of arrows to Tiger.


    But these two don’t allow kamdev any where near me, they say to me, kamal be a good boy( boy I am so old, they call me a boy, oh boy) and just look, but don’t touch or talk, and carry on with ur small sins, I have again checked upstairs and these eating things we have deleted from the list of potential sins ! As also the looking at pretty ladies, we have to keep updating with the times, and these are no longer relevant.And laxmi, said, if u don’t call me pretty, I will feel offended and go away from u, same way if u don’t appreciate the beauty of women, they will too feel offended, they take so much pains over their clothes and makeups, and this is the least u can do to them !


    But kamal , if u listen to us, do try and keep the days veg, for the charm of the nonveg will last longer. So dear friends, u have heard it from the main source, so relax, and commit all white sins that u want to, just keep away from the Koda, Tiwari, and Tiger types of sins.


    And now let me get back to the two ladies, they are calling me, I dare not annoy them, u know why, friends, they are my lifeline.And both had read this blog and approved it, so her it goes.


    Happy mid week, ladies and Gentlemen, please don’t feel guilty at looking at Fair and Handsome men , or fair and lovely ladies, or even the dark variety, u have the go ahead from them who decide yr fate.


    KAMAL MAHTANI


    Tum Dosti ka Who Daag Ho,
    Jisse Hum Tide Se Dho nahin Sakte,
    Rin Se Saaf kar nahin Sakte,
    Surf Se Mita Nahi Sakte,
    Kyun ki “ Kuch Daag Ache Hote Hai “


    Santa – My Wife died yesterday, I am trying to cry but tears are not coming
    Banta – Don’t Worry yaar, the tears will come, just imagine that she has come back.
     
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  2. feduptocore

    feduptocore Senior IL'ite

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    Kamalji...
    GOOD AFTERNOON and as usual you have me trying hard not to laugh aloud in the office!!!!
    read the title ... I thought now what is this man upto?? moral is keep the ladies happy and life is good!!
    thanks for letting us know that chutku- mutku sins are now out dated and since most of us mortals hardly come in contact with kamdeva we will be spared from the wrath of the devas and devis!!..
    keep updating us with more secrets from your Two Splendid Ladies!!!
    K
     
  3. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    hahah kamalji..caught your post garam garam:) well most of the men would have written about their wife and mother as the two splendid women in their lives but aap tho devi devtha ko bhi nahi chodthe hain.

    Good,hope they continue to stay with you.:) very true all the gods must be busy,no with things that call for their immediate action eating anon veg on aveg day is really pardonable..

    hahaha on kamadevas arrows on tiger woods and tiwari..where do you get these ideas? i am telling you,you are really tempting me to try a a peg of BL(or eat a hilsa) one of these days,just to see what ideas come to my head :biglaugh...
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2010
  4. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear K

    u know i never get fed up to the core of yr lovely comments, and thanks for this lovelu and first comment.

    Good tht u laugh at office, for i hear laughter is infectious, and we must make everyone smile if not laugh:rotflYes thse chotu motu sins are passe these days, commit the big ones to get noticed.:biglaughWell see all these devi devtas are good friends of mine, kamdeva had come to me, but i directed him to Tiwari, and look what happened to the poor old man.

    Well they have told me so many things, tonight when they come and chat with me, i will tell u more.HAHA

    Regards

    kamal
     
  5. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mindi,

    Garma Garam ! :rotflWell u see, wife, daughters, mother, are all passe, i have something tht others dont have, i dont mean money or wisdom, but the two ladies in Question.We suit and chat for long hours, and u can imagine how we must be getting along.:biglaughAnd listen, have a cup of tea and some nice choclate and u will et better ideas than me,. Dont touch BL, i never write a blog after drinks, u can imagine that would be exposive.HAHA

    Regards

    kamal
     
  6. Meenupanicker

    Meenupanicker Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Kamalji

    aapne to kamal kar diya....Its true women are not jealous of only Devis.They permit their husbands to be with them forever.
    waiting for your next write up
     
  7. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Meena,

    Yes i guess u are right, if theywere some other women, harsha would breathe fire.HAHA

    Regards

    kamal
     
  8. Padmini

    Padmini IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kamalji,
    Another humors( with some philosophical touch )post from you By having both Lakshmi and Saraswathi with you you have become Brahma:)!! How you know
    Brahma created the universe with the help of Saraswati. Brahma was the guardian of the cosmos. He too needed Saraswati’s support to sustain the cosmos. Using her knowledge he instituted and maintained dharma, sacred laws that ensure stability and growth in society.
    Brahma also needed the help of Lakshmi, goddess of wealth, who gave him the wherewithal to ensure cosmic order.
    The question arose: who did Brahma need more? Lakshmi or Saraswati? Wealth or knowledge? The goddesses argued, “Knowledge does not fill an empty stomach.” Said Saraswati. “Wealth keeps man alive but gives no meaning to life.” Said Saraswati.
    “I need both knowledge and wealth to sustain the cosmos. Without knowledge I cannot plan. Without wealth I cannot implement a plan. Wealth sustains life; the arts give value to life. Thus both Lakshmi and Saraswati are needed to live a full life.That is why I think you are writing so many write ups with different theme.Enjoyed very much and I should also be blessed like you.
    with love
    pad

     
  9. Jpatma

    Jpatma Silver IL'ite

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    KM ji,
    It should have been Teen deviyan " lakshmi, Saraswathi and Durga".
    Now adays due to enormity of sins and cases, goddess are forgiving choti moti mistakes. All you need is to score 90% enough, Goddess are ready to accept you. I suppose i will be getting 90% too, i lose only in talking abt guys and writing some jokes in IL to you.

    May their blessings be with you always and with me too.
    Jaya
     
  10. monifa13

    monifa13 Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Patmaji - Our Kamalji is already having all the teen deviyan. Lakshmi devi spoils him by giving him too much pocket money, saraswathi devi is squeeziing his brains and he is writing all naughty, naughty blogs. So God decided to send Durga devi to him in the form of Harshaji to keep him under control. Lucky man, having all the deviyan in his grip eh?
     

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