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The Transformation - Being Dependent To Independent!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Archanaanchan, Aug 29, 2017.

  1. Archanaanchan

    Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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    I still remember those days of childhood were my dad did everything for me, right from feeding me , polishing my shoes, ironing my uniform, dropping and picking from school, dropping to tuition's, arranging my books... He involved in every tiny work of mine.

    When i started my college, though my college was hardly 10 mins walk able distance from home my dad dropped and picked me every single day. I had almost been so dependent on him that even to buy a small stationary item i used to wait for him to take me to the nearby stationary shop. This continued with my graduation as well. My parents thought that doing everything for me was like their duty .

    Till graduation i enjoyed all the dependency , the real struggle started when i started to work . I had to move to a different city where i hardly knew someone. I had to depend on public transport to commute to office. I could not rely on anyone to help me with the basic things. Initial days, i felt it very difficult and quite odd.

    But slowly i started living in reality. I was starting to be less dependent and work out things for myself. But i did not totally come out of being dependent. I still let my dad book my train tickets... Stack the clothes over a week and bring home to get my clothes washed by mom. Mom even packed my snacks for every week. she even gave me all the toiletries that was needed so that i don trouble myself going to the shop to buy them.

    After i got married , My husband expected me to be independent. Independent as in he at least hated spoon feeding me with basic things. I used to get annoyed initially and complain . Slowly i realized how dependent i have been all through my life . I had to change how i let others take care of me and started not depending on someone for the simplest tasks. It was not at all a big task to change after i realized how important it was to be independent.

    Its been few years of my marriage ,Now i feel much confident about myself, and that i can handle things even in the worst situations. I feel like i have grown leaps and bounds now. This is my transformation from being DEPENDENT to INDEPENDENT!!

    I feel its very much necessary in training the kids to be self dependent so that they can face life better!!
     
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  2. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    Yup, rightly said. Have you ever watched the birds bring up their little ones? As soon as the little birdies grow their wings, mother bird literally pushes them out of the nest. Sometimes, she has to peck them with her beak because they are either too scared or too comfortable to get out. But she still does it. That's because with her push, comes their ability to survive and fly on their own.
    Indian parents ( along with a few of other Asian countries) don't believe in making their kids independent. They don't realize that they are actually curbing their child's capability to survive in the world outside their door. I really admire the way Americans and Europeans instill a sense of independence right from childhood. We as Indians might find it cold but it's really necessary to survive in the world.
     
  3. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Archu, Nice write up! There is a thin line between caring and excessive caring out of love, which Indian parents seem to cross.. though what your dad & even my parents did was super sweet & I wouldn't have it any other way ever !
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2017
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  4. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    I also believe in independence & make sure my hubby is independent enough;) I care enough but don't spoil him by ironing his clothes, packing his bags etc :tonguewink: I like two way independence :)
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2017
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  5. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Archu, it's never too late to be independent and I am glad you realize it's importance now. I also want to stress the importance of being emotionally independent, being able to enjoy one's own company , being able to take decisions without requiring validation from others. It's best to start young but I think people adapt to situations when they have no choice.
     
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  6. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Couldn't agree more !
     
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  7. Archanaanchan

    Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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    Ha ha.. This two way independence is good gals:) I will work on it:) soon you will see my posting.. Husband made ... pizza, idli, dosa curry:p
     
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  8. Archanaanchan

    Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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    Exactly my thought!! " people adapt to situations when they have no choice".
     
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  9. jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    Good one! Reminded me of myself.... and still I hardly manage my own finances. Hope I will learn that someday! But kids growing here are highly independent. That's the way of life here.
     
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  10. Archanaanchan

    Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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    Good luck mam:)
     
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