The spark is gone/missing.

Dear Op,
Why dont you join a gym as per your h's wish!?
Make him realise that he is not too old,take a tour,watch love/romantic films together or whatever!
May be he should be tired of the routine life!just talk to him.
Just my 2 cents!
Tc

 

I dont see any great reason that you should be sad of. You have a wonderful family with a loving husband as you mentioned and 2 kids so be extremely happy.Its good that your husband wants you to go to gym may be he wants you to be healthy so take it as a great oppurtunity as he will take care of your kids while your at gym so utilize that time.Not everyone gets this oppurtunity. Beacause I have seen hubands come home tired from office and if wife asks them to take care of kids for an hour they get irritated.
Every phase of life is different so changes will obviously be there I think what your experiencing is very common among all the couples. Honeymoon stage before kids is different husband always praises you and behind you after one kid there will be lot of changes responsibility is added and I think after 2 kids responsibility is doubled.Most of the kids needs 100% attention so there will be very less time husband and wife to spend together.If both your kids are over 3 years of age then plan for vacations so you get to spend good time with your family.
I too at times feel all my time is dedicated to my kid. My husband keeps telling me they are a part of your life so dont think your life has changed with children.My friends whose kids are above 5 years say life is even more busy no time for ourself at all they have everyday homeworks and activities. So they tell me to enjoy the time now as my kid is 3 years.
Enjoy this time with your family dear you may not even see the same life later as more responsibilities get added as your kids grow older.

 

Take a reality check dear ! Your DH is right in pointing out that both of you are growing old and are not as youthful as earlier. Marriage does become routine and boring however much we frequent the gym/get slim, as the novelty is lacking.
Relax , this is one mores step towards growing old together. Do join the gym for yourself and good health.

 

Please take it in a positive way,,, join the gym, maintain good diet, eat healthy.. try getting back the figure u once had, dress well, yes sometimes we have to do all this which will keep us fit and also husbands won't loose interest in us...
You have life of your own, other than kids so you have to live life for your self to, from your post it looks like you are ignoring your fitness part.. frequent the beauty parlour and stay fit and presentable, sure your romantic days will be back...

 

I beg to differ on some of the posts over here. They say life begins at 40. I don't think age has anything to do with intimacy. If the spark is missing or gone, we need to create the spark by experimenting or trying new things. Going to the gym and keeping the body fit will make out mind and body fresh in that aspect.

You are old as you feel you are. Old or young has nothing to do with age. An old couple in their 40s or 50s might be more vibrant than a couple in their 20s or a couple who is recently married. It all is in your mind, body and soul.

 

LimcaB,

He could have been stressed out at work and now got used to the dormancy.
He could have gotten into the habit of seeking cyber help and now finding it sufficient.
Your weight/negligence-of-self could have lowered his interest or
he could be using that as an excuse to mask his desire discrepancy.

Find out what it is but all I wanted to emphasis here is:
Contrary to the popular belief, life need not go mundane just because
you reach a certain age or that your marriage ages.. or that you have kids etc etc.

Also you need not sweep this under the rug just because your life is perfect
in other aspects or that someone feels that you are lucky & million other females have way bigger issues than yours. This is also a vital aspect that needs to be addressed especially if the desire discrepancy is wider between the couple.

A partner's minimum desired frequency should be atleast equal to the
other's maximum desired frequency in a given period of time. If not,
you have a desire discrepancy issue that needs to be addressed
in the most tender and diplomatic way.

Do not give up but get him to the mode gently.
Brainstorm what used to be your home atmosphere like
when things were good amongst you both. Bring it back.
If need be, find out if he has health issues too.

 

Well, don't you guys talk about local gossip, about friends/family? It's lot of fun to talk about the world around us. Usually, we allocate time on Saturday evenings and Sunday mornings, just to hang around the house.

We do house chores together side by side and just talk/giggle/laugh. My DH waits for me with a cup of tea on Sunday mornings, we both look forward to talk to each other. Weekdays are busy with routine life. Our son (used to be @home), often says, you guys are noisy, worse than teenagers, complaining, he can't sleep. We tell him, that's what happens, if you sleep late on Sundays. Eventfully, he will join us....by the time, we cook something to eat, it will be lunch time.

Just talk about things, local politics, books, movies, jokes, neighbours, friends, Obama, Jayalalitha, actor/actress etc. In general, women are good at keeping the flow of conversation.

Mid-life is the real life - fun part begins. Done with infant/toddler life, kids are busy on their own, we understand each other well, familiar with each others (do's and don't s), reasonable finance status etc.
In mid-life/later in life, the spark is there in vibrant colours, start with a pleasant conversation.

 

freddycat, wish I could "like" your post 1000 times over...and wishing this happiness just grows and grows

 

hi limkabook,
may be many of u will disagree but i am telling u this is an alarm for u. Change yourself, i bet he will be young again. As you said he is below 40 and says he is getting old. No this is not the reason for losing the charm in married life. You try losing some weight. Changing your dressing style if possible. you yourself become like young. Anyways, you are also below 40 so you are young dear. Take care, get your charm back...

tc,
Padma