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The sex - who is initiating it more?

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by Rihana, Jun 23, 2015.

  1. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I think in typical arranged marriages where both partners are inexperienced,it is usually the man who is awkwardly fumbling around in the first few days.

    As things get smoother and the couple get to know each other physically and personally,it becomes a couples game.

    Once the kids come,it becomes more like ,who ever has the energy to dare to initiate and take it past the foreplay .If both fall asleep on the way...no big deal.Sleep is good too.

    Once kids are are a little older and in different room ....who ever can stay awake past the kids giggling and calling out for a thousand things before finally sleeping.

    By the time kids are old enough to be not your problem at night....both are back to initiating. Lock the door and forget the kids. You just do your own thing. No worries about them knocking on door.No worries about pregnancy. This is the best phase.

    This phase continues ....the frequency changes with time.
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Jasmine smelling perfume works too.
    My daughters used to ask me...why do you put this perfume before sleeping. Who puts perfume before sleeping?Do you leave us and go out at night when we sleep?
    Now they don't ask:shhh:
     
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  3. SadMarried

    SadMarried Silver IL'ite

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    jasmine smelling perfume ,hmmm..something new i learnt today...tempted to try ;)

    Any Recommendation for any special perfume of such ?
     
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  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Pmed.
    You will have to try what works for you.
    For some men...even vanilla essence will do:rotfl(I bet it will work for me)...or chicken curry flavor.:coffee
     
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  5. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I can't remember who initiated most often. I asked DH the question. He said its whoever you want it to be. If you want it to be you, then it's you. I guess best not to over analyze.
    Can I say that after a few years of marriage, no matter who initiated the other partner is game? Most people know to gauge their spouses and know when to not even try!
     
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  6. shari2003

    shari2003 Silver IL'ite

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    I feel in the first year of marriage (read arranged) or so its the man who initiates and is more eager to. Go past pregnancies, little kids, night feeds.. both do not dare to initiate and even if one initiates it ends up half-way with the kids yelling out.... but as kids grow older, woman gets bolder and initiates as much as the man, and both enjoy it the best at that age, with fear of pregnancy or job-related stresses flying out of the window.
    But the traditional aspect is definitely changing. Women ask for more, explicitly tell the man what pleasures her more, and if it is denied, or the man turns out to be more conservative, things end up in court- yes, a friend stated her husband denying sex whenever she initiates as a solid reason for divorce. Or, it becomes the license for their EMA.

    Do agree with YM in stating that clean and fragrant spouses+ kids past the "yelling at night" phase is a great formula!
     
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  7. tulip2012

    tulip2012 Silver IL'ite

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    during the initial days of my arranged marriage.. it was more of He... but as time passed, its purely need basis i would say.. who ever has energy. There are rare occasions when I am waken up from sleep for this, which I LOVE. if its before sleep catching over, its more of me initiating. Sometimes with compliments and teasings from Him our drive will increase. that good old Shy feeling is no longer there to initiate.. I do demand my needs and desires
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2015
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  8. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    @yellowmango is right ! I agree too !!

    And by the time they are past the yelling stage, they also leave for school earlier than their parents ;-) ;-) ;-)
    Why limit all activities to the nights ;-) Get ready for the day together ;-)

    Edit : To answer the original question - as everyone said - by the time your kids are going to school, the understanding between the couple builds up such that no one needs to initiate - you automatically gravitate to each other !
     
  9. bulesha

    bulesha Silver IL'ite

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    There was a saying in the past “men give love to have sex and women give sex to get love” but today women transformation to modern society demand both Love & Sex. In my initial days of married life, I got a sex talk with my mom & later with my hubby and both talked about that if you want than demand. As we grow together, one can get a feeling of each other desire for sex. In my case, we get to know it by our inner sense, so to say that initiation part is missing. I feel blessed with good life including sexual.
     
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  10. jaden

    jaden Gold IL'ite

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    I guess the generation before us had a way better sex life than us.With the 1000's channels available and the internet,who has the time for sex?My grandma had 8 kids and i am struggling to have one...Kinda know the reason already :bonk
     
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