The poison tree called sibling rivalry

Dear AC
I am just keen that the parents of multiple children, their mothers in paricular, should be made aware of the perils of sibling rivalry. Most of us tend to dismiss it as a process of growing and with the eflux of time, the rivalry will disappear. But it does not happen that way! Even Siva and Parvathi had this problem on hand! Remember how Muruga came to occupy the Pazhani Hill as an 'Andi'? That was sibling rivalry of the highest order!
Sri

 

Dear Sri
The Father of Our Nation, Mahatma Gandhi, could inspire millions to emulate his example and become true Gandhians but his own sons did not fall into that category because of his neglect of them. He was so pre-occupied with his public life, he could not give time for his own family.
Have you read "MOHANDAS" by Rajmohan Gandhi (Gandhi’s grandson)? That book gives us a glimpse into Gandhi's relationship with his own family. The book eulogises how Gandhi became the Father of the Nation. Unfortunately as a head of his own family, he was a failure. His treatment of his wife was shabby in the earlier years of marriage and he failed to meet the educational and emotional needs of his children.
It is a great irony that the man who rose to become the Father of his Nation could not become an ideal father for his own children.
This clearly demonstrates the need for every parent to devote time for his children however busy he may be. If the parents fail to do that, they will have to take the blame for the children's failings!
Sri

 

Dear Rajmi
You have really quoted a classic example. Thankfully the daughter is skilled in her own way but continuous adoration of the son may affect the girl from developing her skills further. I have noticed the unfair comparisons taking their toll on the less favoured children. By the time the parents realise their folly, it becomes too late for any remedial action.
The sibling rivalry in many cases is due to such comparisons. Sibling rivalry arising out of inherent character aberrations will be negligible as compared to parents' actions whipping up such feelings. These actions may not be deliberate but still they have a disastrous effect. Parents must introspect on this particular aspect periodically to take corrective action if and when necessary
Sri

 

Dear AC
Of all acts of juggling, juggling with time is the most difficult. Time management is a very complicated subject. A professional woman would certainly have difficulty juggling her time between her profession and family. But one thing is very certain. We always tend to give more time for things towards which we have greater inclination. I have also noticed one thing. A woman gives more time for her family if she is professionally not in a very high position. People who occupy very high positions in their profession will not be in a position to give much time for the family. We must ask someone like Indra Nooyi for authentic info on this aspect!
Sri

 

Dear Pavithra
Your candid confession is quite heart warming. I can see the intense love you have for your sibling. I agree with you that a protective elder sister tends to become quite bossy and this in turn breeds rivalry of a different kind. I am happy that it has not developed a complex in him. His evolution as a mature extrovert must have been catalysed by your protective attitude towards him.

I think that the credit should go to both of you for this happy turn. You must have possibly loosened your protective shield slowly to help him blossom into an individual independent of your own traits. He probably understood the genuine reason for your protective attitude towards him. Your relationship with your brother is a beautiful example of channelising the sibling rivalry to produce an emotionally symbiotic bond!
Sri

 

Dear AC
If you stop rambling, I'll quit writing!
No one can have a different opinion about the need to play a supportive role, be it the husband or wife depending upon who gets busier of the two. The 'Abhiman' kind of complexes will not be good for any family.
Sri